General [M]ayhem

General [M]ayhem (
-   Vault of [M]ayhem! (
-   -   ITT: We tell poop disasters. (

powertickle 03-14-2005 02:27 PM

omfg :lol: :lol: waffles

I'm dying

em-3 03-14-2005 02:30 PM

1.playing video games
2.feel an urge
3.resist urge and game on
4.i feel a "fart" coming
5.fart came and so did the load
6.lost the game
7.lost at life

Retardedchicken 03-14-2005 02:33 PM

1.had a soccer game at an indoor arena
2.had to shit before i started (i was goalie, played all game)
3.walked into the stall
4.saw shit all over the tank and wall behind it BUT NOT ON THE TOILET SEAT, water was clean and all nasty i washed my face/hands for just seeing it
6.walked out still needing to shit
6.lost the game
8... profit :(

this thread=A+

powertickle 03-14-2005 02:35 PM

Actually now that I think of it, I have two good shit stories from when I was younger.

I was 8 years old. I was a hot summer day, and I was sitting in the back of my Mom's van as she drove me and my siblings home. We were on our way home from my Grandma's house after a long day of swimming in her inground pool; it was about a 40 minute drive on the parkway from her house to ours. Anyway, about halfway home, I felt the beginnings of post pool diarrhea. You know the uncomfortable weighty feeling you get in your bowels after you've been swimming for a long time, indicating that something is horribly, horribly wrong.

So natrually, being 8, I said "Mommy I have to poop."

"You can hold it until we get home, okay?"

Ok. Fine.

So like a good little boy I hold it for another 20 minutes or so, until we get into the center of the town that we live in. By now, I [i]really[/i] have to shit, and I begin to feel the slithery excrement making it's way to my asshole. I know that I can't hold it until I get home, and I also know that I don't want to shit myself wearing swim trunks and sitting in the back of my mom's van.

"Mom, I really can't hold it anymore, can you pull over here please?"

Now she's a little aggrivated: "No! You can hold it until we get home!"

"But mom I really have to go!"




Well she finally pulled over, and I rushed my little skinny 8 year old clenched ass into the gas station bathroom without saying a word to the attendant whom just looked at me with a knowing smirk. Took a huge diarrhea, and left. When I got back to the car though, I noticed a brown skidmark on the seat where I had been sitting, and my family was silent the rest of the way home.

My mom is a bitch.

Malo 03-14-2005 02:37 PM

[QUOTE=Threnx]Good story, A++ will read again[/QUOTE]

:lol: thanks! Nice avatar btw!

Blueacid 03-14-2005 02:38 PM


edit: balut?

stapler 03-14-2005 03:14 PM

this thread is making me waffle uncontrollably at the lab at school :lol:

i have two good ones myself:

first, i was a little scared confused 1st grader in a catholic school. one fine day at late recess i start feeling a little bowel pressure. This is certainly a sign of trouble to come. I go sit in this little unoccupied playground equipment thing made of an old sewer pipe and proceed to shit myself with unimaginable fury. Now, being a little kid in 1st grade, i wasn't exactly sure what to do, and i was feeling very much like the scared kid without his mom; so i just sat in the pipe until my teacher literally pulled me out and noticed the diarrhea stains on the pipe, and my leg. I was rushed to a little-used downstairs bathroom where my teacher waited for my mom to show up, all the while handing me fresh clothes, while i sat on that toilet....still shitting

every few minutes she asked if i was done:lol:

the second event was more recent, and any distance runners here will sympathize:

i was running an 18 mile marathon training run in a remote mountain park outside of Boulder, CO. Now, occasionally running- especially very long distance- can really jerk your bowels into a fit of crapping, and i suddenly noticed during this run that i needed to poop. NOW. I was near no shitting facility, had no wiping paraphernaila, i was about 8 mi away from my car, and no shelter from other runners or cyclists. I tried to run back (having had this feeling before, but not so early in the run, i thought i could get back to the parking-lot portapotty), but about a mile later i was in full scale agony, and reduced to a walk. My poor little chocolate starfish could take no more squeezing...nobody should ever have that much lactic acid built up in their butthole. No chance of the portacrapper...i was gonna blow a load of I go behind a little hill by a pond, shit leaking into my bike shorts, and perform the "Move" just in time for my formidable colon to explode in an orgy of poop. The power of this release from my ass- and plenty of pressurized pockets of gas along with it- nearly shook the earth; a flock of disgusted birds took quick flight. I used my favorite running shirt (RIP) to wipe off a beautiful smear of ass-juice, and left the scene as quickly as i could, noting that that the smell could drop a donkey, and the gas explosions were probably heard as far away as Denver:(

ever since that fateful day, i've brought a few kleenex with me to clean up, or worn a cheap shirt

EDIT: luckily the marathon spasms are very, very rare

stapler 03-14-2005 03:15 PM


edit: balut?[/QUOTE]

a bit more of the waffles stuff and i might just valut! this bisnotch Feigned

malamute face 03-14-2005 03:19 PM

poor 1st grade stapler.

my nephew saw the mr. hanky south park and smeared his shit all over the bathroom. then my brother and i got in deep shit for letting him watch it.

Suicide King 03-14-2005 03:20 PM

i like the description in the second one. :lol:

schzim 03-14-2005 03:20 PM

For more hilarious poop stories and the definition of an upperdecker check out

SlickChicFallen 03-14-2005 03:21 PM

3 stories, all good...

1) At f00ker's mom's place to have dinner; his sister and brother in law are there too. We're all playing mario tennis or something and I feel the urge coming on. I keep playing because the game isn't even half way done. By the time the game ends, I know I'm gonna shit myself if I don't go now, but they all want to play another game, and I'm all "no... no... I've had enough for now", my voice strained. So I end up throwing the controller down, I walk as quickly as possible to the toilet and promptly UNLOAD. Oh. My. God. That felt so good... the flood gates had been opened and the pressure was all gone. Only problem was that it STUNK like HELL. I end up coming out of the bathroom 20 minutes later. Apparently his sister had been waiting to use the bathroom when I was done. So I walk out, sheepish look on my face, and begin to walk away. I turn to look over my shoulder to see her walk in, and a split second later walk RIGHT back out, her eyes seeming to water and a disgusted look on her face.


2) Going along with the pissing/shitting/vommitting theme y'all have going... Four or five years ago I remember quite possibly one of the worst nights of my life. I hadn't been feeling well all evening, so I eventually go outside to get some fresh air since that had a tendency to make myself feel better. Five or so minutes pass and I realize that my entire stomach region hurts like mad and that I'm gonna puke. So I start looking around frantically for somewhere to puke. No dice. Pain in abdomen continues to grow to excruciating levels. So finally I puke. Not only to I puke all over the front porch, I POWER PUKE all over the front porch; vomit spraying everywhere. With the vomit still coming out of my mouth, I that something funny is going on with my back end. Shit. Oh shit. And LOTS of it! Not only did I have the flu, I had diarhhea. And it was the squeezing of the abdominal muscles was enough to propell the pent-up excrement out of my ass and FILL my sweatpants!
My mom finally comes out and I have to sheepishly tell her that I'd had an accident. I waddle into the bathroom, 20 or so yards away, and I had to walk past the dining room table, at which my entire family was still eating. VERY EMBARASSING. So I clean up, shower, get new clothing on, etc etc.
But the story doesn't end there (I wish it had, though). I spend the rest of the night vommitting and shitting myself at least half a dozen times. I sleep on the bathroom floor in my parents' room because that was the closest bathroom to my room. At one point I woke up and couldn't even make it to the toilet and shat all over the floor. I spend the next few hours cleaning it up. To this day, I can still see a very slight discoloring of the carpet where it happened :(

3) This actually happened a few nights ago, hehe... My parents, f00ker, my niece (6 yrs old), and a few friends of the family all decide to go to dinner at the Old Country Buffet. Everyone eats, fun is had by all, etc etc. By the end of the evening, f00ker and I realized we both needed to shit really really bad. So f00ker and I hop into my car and speed back to my parents' house. He heads for the downstairs bathroom, and I to the upstairs one (in my parents' room because there was no way in hell I was gonna use my brothers'... but in retrospect, I probably should have). I make it there just in the nick of time, sit down, and unload. It wasn't so much big logs as it was the sheery quantity of small ones. Over a dozen of them, it was ridiculous. Suddenly I hear the downstairs (front) door open. Shit, everyone's back. After a minute or so I hear little footsteps coming up the stairs and someone knocks on the door. Its my niece. I tell her I'm almost done and I'll be out in a minute. Well, I start to panic. My niece, I love her and all, but she doesn't understand that its kinda rude to comment about anything *left* in the bathroom when you enter. Well, I finally get out of the bathroom, and she goes in. At this point, f00ker is waiting for me at the top of the stairs (door to parents room), and my niece suddenly pops her head out the door and says "Julia, you left some poop in the toilet! and it stinks!"
f00ker and my mother (who heard it too) both bust up laughing, while I stand there utterly stunned. After a moment I laugh too, but I gently scold her, and go about my business.

Kids say the damnnest things :eek:

stapler 03-14-2005 03:25 PM

[QUOTE=schzim]For more hilarious poop stories and the definition of an upperdecker check out

waffles at upperdecking

Charlitos 03-14-2005 03:33 PM

[QUOTE=damnit]1. Go to hot chicks house.
2. Drink wine and beer.
3. Stomach problems.
4. Shit my pants and her floor.
6. Now shes my girlfriend
7. Profit.[/QUOTE]

I thin i remeber that, did you ever post that story here ?

Reverend Winte 03-14-2005 03:43 PM

this is from a friend

1.big big poop too big to come out...
2.shove fingers up ass to break up poop
4.tell friends
5. profit

All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:46 AM.

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
© 2002-2015 CrowdGather, Inc.