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Mine is a story told from a slightly different perspective. I must warn you all, it is a tl:dr. But I promise it's worth it

When I was in high school, I had a job at the local grocery store. I was a bagger/cleaner, depending on the day. Well, I live in a small town, so the latest I ever worked was ten, and at that point, the store was devoid of all forms of sentient life, aside from the employees.

Anyways, I was in the back of the store, taking out some garbage, when I hear this over the intercom, through what can only be described as the worst attempt I have ever heard of not laughing, "Will the cleaner please come to the front of the store, there has been an...accident"

I assume it is a fellow coworker trying to play a prank on me, as it was nearly closing time, and there were not many people left in the store. I get up there to see a strage brown, muddy trail, that started about twenty yards from the bathroom. My manager looks at me, with tears in her eyes from laughing, and tells me that I had better start cleaning.

As she says this to me, I turn and look to the bathroom, and what do I see, but an incredibly gross, super-obese woman come out of the bathroom with a triumphant look on her face. Her legs, somehow forced into spandex shorts, are completely covered in shit. Her white shoes were brown. She walks past us with a slight nod as she passed and said "Someone made a mess in the bathroom, i think it should be cleaned"

I then wanted to kill this woman more than anything in the world, she was a horrible beast, that even Orc Fucker wouldn't touch with a ten foot pole. After spending the better part of an hour cleaning outside the bathroom, I dared a peek inside.

Now, I can handle a lot of things, but one look in this bathroom made me vomit all of my organs, and even possible some bones. There was shit and blood, literally everywhere. The floor, the walls, the ceiling. The ceiling for christ sakes!!! I don't know what unholy beast decided to torment my life that night, but it looked like the shit demon from Dogma exploded, but with blood. I am honestly convinced the lady went in the bathroom, bent over and just let loose as she ran about the room.

I promptly walked to my manager (who had been counting registers) and said "Well, I'm all finished cleaning. I am going to take off now" She said that was fine, and apologized for what I had to do. As I walked out the door, i turned to her and said "Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you, The soap needs to be replaced in the bathroom, and I don't have the storeroom key, can you do that for me?"

I then left the store with a very revolted, yet satisfied grin upon my face.

Needless to say, I got a VERY angry phone call when I got home. The only reason I didn't lose my job is that where I worked, if there was any trace of blood, a manager had to be the one to clean it up for sanitation reasons.

Thank god for stupid rules.
Old 03-14-2005, 11:48 AM Malo is offline