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TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sherwoodforestdude
i like the eggnog one for the season and the porn one for the rest of the year

but to make the eggnog one beter add that some company is adding additives to make people eat more, so they get fat and the company gets more profit. Mind controlling additives!

Double Post
Old 12-05-2004, 05:04 PM TheJesus is offline  
#316  

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in b4 baulting
Old 12-05-2004, 05:04 PM I <3 Cllllllllllll(_(_) is offline  
#317  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Requie[M]-XIX
in b4 baulting

contribute, comment, don't just try to get into it for the vault.
Old 12-05-2004, 05:05 PM TheJesus is offline  
#318  

Aragon-TypeR
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I'll keep my mind open to any ideas I might have today (Only just got up) and then if I can think of some post them later in the day. Not very good at writing the stories myself though, so hopefully someone else can use them.
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Old 12-05-2004, 05:15 PM Aragon-TypeR is offline  
#319  

sherwoodforestdude
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
Double Post


my bad my pc is just total crap im running a p2 ok? my fault
Old 12-05-2004, 05:32 PM sherwoodforestdude is offline  
#320  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Greatest Duel in the History of Man Debate Settled

In an incredible move, the greatest duel in the history of man has finally been solved. July 11th, 1804. Two men stare at each other over pistols in Weehawken, New Jersey. They fired pistols at 10 paces, and one was wounded in the side. The next day, the architect of the financial system in early America lay dead, and to this day the debate has raged over why Burr shot Hamilton. Theories abound about whether Hamilton discharged his pistol into the air, or if Burr just shot him in cold blood. Little did they know that 173 years later, another debate about a duel would come out.

In 1977, Jimmy Carter became president, Smallpox popped up for its final tour, Elvis Prestley died. and in a cantina a man shot another man sparking a gigantic debate. Who shot first, Han Solo or Greedo? After years and years of forensic testing and a number of independant studies, it has been finally determined that Han Solo shot first, and is responisble for the murder of the Bounty Hunter Greedo. He has been pardoned post humously by President George W. Bush, who said that "If Han didn't shoot, who would have been frozen in carbinite?"

More on this as it develops.
Old 12-05-2004, 05:34 PM TheJesus is offline  
#321  

Gearhead
god of welders and keeper of the magical torch
 
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K, I just sent that to like 20 or so people
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Old 12-05-2004, 05:49 PM Gearhead is offline  
#322  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Christmas lights: Deadly Strings of Death

Dear friends,
During this holiday season, I beg you to be careful. I have just heard what might be the most cheer destructive story I have ever heard. My good friend Diana informed me that her brother had just died today while he was stringing up the christmas lights on the side of his house. He had done the same lights on the same gutter for almost 20 years, and he was just about to retire. In the middle of stringing up his lights, he slipped off the ladder almost 20 feet in the air and ended up looping the christmas lights around his neck. As he fell, the police said, the ladder slipped out from under him and he asphyxiated. I beg of you this holiday season, please be careful when decking the halls. Don't drink too much eggnog before you climb up that ladder to put up your lights, and please make sure to watch your children when this happens. Please help us live this holiday season.

Thank you,
Sophie McKenna
Old 12-05-2004, 05:55 PM TheJesus is offline  
#323  

jewbloob
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
Christmas lights: Deadly Strings of Death

Dear friends,
During this holiday season, I beg you to be careful. I have just heard what might be the most cheer destructive story I have ever heard. My good friend Diana informed me that her brother had just died today while he was stringing up the christmas lights on the side of his house. He had done the same lights on the same gutter for almost 20 years, and he was just about to retire. In the middle of stringing up his lights, he slipped off the ladder almost 20 feet in the air and ended up looping the christmas lights around his neck. As he fell, the police said, the ladder slipped out from under him and he asphyxiated. I beg of you this holiday season, please be careful when decking the halls. Don't drink too much eggnog before you climb up that ladder to put up your lights, and please make sure to watch your children when this happens. Please help us live this holiday season.

Thank you,
Sophie McKenna
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:05 PM jewbloob is offline  
#324  

Xerus
 
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Something VERY VERY negative about religion would incite fear or anger in most people. Something like.

"I work at a very popular turkish television news station and we had a most interesting story come in. The crazy thing is that as soon as we started to look over it members of the federal turkish police burst into the room and confiscated it. I only had a few minutes to look over it but i got the gist of it right away.

A single page to a millenia old document was found in a remote cave in eastern turkey. This page was translated from an ancient dialect that was once used by the founders of the roman catholic church. The document contained chilling evidence which the very thought of makes me shudder. It said that all of modern religion was created by a once powerful anciet figure named simon of chalcedon. He saw that society was in utter turmoil and sought a way to keep the human race in check. Thus he created religion itself. The catholic church understood that the consequences of such a discovery would be dire so they destroyed all records of the existence of simon of chalcedon and sent his most important papers to be hidden in lands unknown."

Very rough draff but im sure given some scholarly references and some better sentence structure it might be believable.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:06 PM Xerus is offline  
#325  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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For everyone's favorite stoner.

Holiday High Newsletter

Hey dudes and dudettes. It's me Cliffy J again with some great tips for getting to your happy place this holiday season. I've been collecting recipies from all of my friends and I have compiled some of the cheapest holiday ways to get there.

1. Eggnog suprise. An incredible way to get wasted and get an out of mind experience, eggnog suprise is one of my favorite holiday highs. What you do is, unroll 20 cigarettes and put them at the bottom of a straner with the tobacco on top. This will make a coffee filter out of the cigarettes and tobacco. Pour your eggnog through this mixture making sure it all gets drained out (Dont forget to squeeze it out at the end. You can also make holiday coffee suprise the same way.

2. Jingle Pipes. Get a bunch of Jingle bells and make some really wicked holiday pipes out of them. It may not get you more high, but it sure does get you in the mood for the season!

3. The Flaming Tree. That christmas tree is just begging for some weed decorations. Get some of your best shit and hang it all over the tree. After christmas is over, you can just go back into a shed, set fire to your tree and get fucking baked!

Well, thats all for now, happy holidays everyone, and if you do any of this stuff send me pics at (gmail addy)

Peace and Love,
Cliffy J
Old 12-05-2004, 06:10 PM TheJesus is offline  
#326  

Kenshin
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
For everyone's favorite stoner.

Holiday High Newsletter

Hey dudes and dudettes. It's me Cliffy J again with some great tips for getting to your happy place this holiday season. I've been collecting recipies from all of my friends and I have compiled some of the cheapest holiday ways to get there.

1. Eggnog suprise. An incredible way to get wasted and get an out of mind experience, eggnog suprise is one of my favorite holiday highs. What you do is, unroll 20 cigarettes and put them at the bottom of a straner with the tobacco on top. This will make a coffee filter out of the cigarettes and tobacco. Pour your eggnog through this mixture making sure it all gets drained out (Dont forget to squeeze it out at the end. You can also make holiday coffee suprise the same way.

2. Jingle Pipes. Get a bunch of Jingle bells and make some really wicked holiday pipes out of them. It may not get you more high, but it sure does get you in the mood for the season!

3. The Flaming Tree. That christmas tree is just begging for some weed decorations. Get some of your best shit and hang it all over the tree. After christmas is over, you can just go back into a shed, set fire to your tree and get fucking baked!

Well, thats all for now, happy holidays everyone, and if you do any of this stuff send me pics at (gmail addy)

Peace and Love,
Cliffy J
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:21 PM Kenshin is offline  
#327  

wr3kt
areyouserios.com
 
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Upon arriving at Snoop Dogg's home after police had arrived to investigate a 911 call made from the property about a rape, I was quickly pushed aside by a police man who had a sketch-artist behind him. No names were being said and no one was explaining what was going on other than police shuffeling around. I saw a group of officers in a smallish circle, apparently surrounding what I could only assume was the rape victim.
I asked one of the officers if I could go watch the process and he checked me for any sort of dangerous devices. He claimed that he had to check the inside of my pants several times for hidden weapons or devices, which I was marginally ok with until he winked and slid his number into my pocket. Disgusted that he didn't even give me his name, I headed to the group.
Walking up there, I was expecting to hear a girls voice, but was shocked to hear "Fo'shizzle, tha' bizzle done got up in mah hizzle and raped Lil Dizzle when I was all crazy in dah sleepizzle. Snap!" Police looked genuinely concerned as the sketch artist tried to calm the rapper and actor down trying to get a description of the rapist.
Obviously distraught, Mr. Dogg held his head in his hands and tried to remember. The artist was giving him leads like was he tall, what ethnicity, how were you lying, how old did they look, what was the person wearing as well as what happened. Almost on the brink of tears, Mr. Dogg looked up and began his description.
Dogg - "Fo rizzle...I was chizzilin in mah crib an' woke up to some foo gezzin deys rocks offs on mah little dizzle. Buts don gets me all wrongs, Lil Dizzle ain't all little, I understands if some foo wants to get on dees nizzles and goes for a ride, but you justs gots ta have the tizzles and the skizzle. They mustaz noticeds me wakin up, cause they done run da frizzle aways beforz I coulds get a look, yo. Fo reels. But I saws them, sho."
Artist - "Ok, that's a start. Give me as much detail as you can, Mr. Dogg."
Dogg - "Aight, foo, ezz off a brotha, this is some tramatitizing shit. Man...that bizzle musta been short...but dayz be negro. All dark, I know...but one side was reals light when they mustas seen me wakin up. Crazy shit too, theys had these things stickins up out da heads, yo. I thoughts it was a damns alien. It looked like deyz ran next to the sides of mah bezzle as I sats up."
Artist - "Alright, is there anything else you can remember?"
Dogg - "Like I says, man, tha fool had dis shit comin out his head...shit..he didn't even look likes he had a hezzle. And the fool only had one arm. Ain't dat some crazy shit? One fuckin arm. I say whoeve dey was was short? Man...crazy short...like...maybe a foot tall, you. I been attacked by midget aliens. And da Lil Dizzle got raped!"
At this point, Dogg puts his head back in his hands and begins to sob. Investigators look at eachother, perplexed. The artist, who had still been drawing, looked up. No one could see what he had drawn, but he urged Dogg to look at the picture.
Through tears, Snoop looked up, saw the picture, and managed to say "Das the fool! Find dat shit!"

*picture of hand*

Due to the fact that there were no women in the house for the first time in a long while, investigators promptly closed the case and escorted Mr. Dogg back to his house and gave him a DVD explaining what masturbation was.


/edit
I know this won't really work.
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:29 PM wr3kt is offline  
#328  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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British Government implicated in Orwellian Christmas Suprise

In classified documents released sunday, the British government has been implicated in beginning a major revamp of the english language to more properly reflect our new culture, Beginning on December 25th 2004, the british government will begin to release new textbooks and dictionaries in the public and private school systems teaching a new style of english. This english has completely eliminated adjectives and adverbs to directly convey the point. The British, generally regarded as the creators of english, have been amazingly quiet about this issue. One british citizen said "It isn't dead already?"

The documents comprise of over 70 pages of notes and dictations about the new language. The texts have some general examples of how to translate some of the classic novels and books to this so called "Newer Speak," named after George Orwell's Newspeak in the classic novel 1984. One of the most striking examples is in Dante's Inferno. Instead of the english translation starting the book with "Midway through the journey of our lives, I found myself lost in a dark wood" it would read "I got lost in the woods." Many noted english scholors have been shocked at this complete betrayal of the english language, noting that "Maybe I should Kill myself" is not a proper substitution for Shakespeare's eternal line in Hamlet "To Be or Not to Be." In another incredible move, Huckleberry Finn has been reduced to two lines "A negro and a whitey go down a river. You can see whats going to happen"

The British have refused to comment on this story. The government's offical position is hard to determine, but one high up said "What, you guys haven't seen Hugh Grant in a movie before?"
Old 12-05-2004, 06:30 PM TheJesus is offline  
#329  

cocoa999
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Majiwobo




..moments work..can someone please improve/add on?

Recent Studies State That Orange Juice May Be Linked to Hearing Loss

After several surveys and experiments, Professor Randy Hill of the University of Florida, has come to the conclusion that hearing loss may be an effect of drinking frozen concentrated orange juice. Professor Hill believes that the way in which frozen concentrated orange juice is manufactured causes these problems.

Professor Hill's studies point to the evaporation of the frozen orange juice as the cause of hearing loss. During the manufacturing of frozen concentrated orange juice, freshly squeezed orange juice is exposed to extreme temperatures for a short period of time. This sudden change of temperature of the orange juice, commonly known as "flash freezing" within the industry, causes a chemical reaction which has recently been linked to the formation of bacteria which infect the incus, the "anvil" of the ear, causing gradual deterioration leading to deafness.

When sound waves enter the ear, they cause the molleus, a bone which functions as the ear's "hammer" to vibrate against the incus. If the incus is deformed or deteroriated, sound waves are distorted. A significant portion of people who regularly consume this type of orange juice may already be affected by this damage. "The brain is amazingly capable of compensating for this gradual deterioration. Once the damage reaches a certain level, however, it is unable to do so and complete hearing loss results," Professor G. Jonathan Bryson, Chief of Neurology at the University of Florida's College of Medicine and a coauthor of the study, explains.

At the present time, it is not known what the toxic level of consumption is, or what can be done to fix this problem. The Commercial Juice Producer's Association, an industry trade group released no specific comment on this study, merely stating that "our products are produced in compliance with all health regulations and are safe." Professor Hill, however, reccomends drinking freshly squeezed orange juice instead of that from concentrate or commercially produced. Further studies are currently under way that seek an antimicrobial agent capable of ending the development of bacteria in the flash freezing process.

Still needs another edit... some sentences could be better structured.
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Last edited by cocoa999; 12-05-2004 at 06:44 PM..
Old 12-05-2004, 06:36 PM cocoa999 is offline  
#330  

 


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