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Building "Chemistry" in the first few dates?

I'm pretty new to dating (most of my relationships formed from college friendships). Lately, I've gone on a few dates with a few girls and we'd have a great time and talk for hours on the first couple of dates. Which in my book, seems to mean the date is going well, but I'm not sure. I would assume if a girl is willing to spend hours talking to a guy just at a restaurant, coffee shop, bar or something, that they are enjoying themselves also?

Anyway, I feel like even though the conversation is going well, we're laughing and having fun, I'm not sure how much chemistry is getting built up between us. There is slight physical contact, such as touching of the shoulder/arm/knee but nothing more. On my end, if I could get a good read, I'd like to hold her hand and then maybe go for a first kiss, but I don't know if I'm getting a good read or not (I'm really terrible at this). For example, I've gone a few 2nd/3rd dates, and they usually end with a quick hug and a good night, and that's about it.

Old 02-05-2012, 10:01 AM ACT is offline  
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I don't know how useful I'm going to be here - but I'll just say my piece anyways: Your dating background sounds (at least somewhat) similar to mine.

I was a fattie my whole life. Then I went to college and basically my brain said "Hooooooly Shit". This resulted in a fuckload of weight loss, new clothes, etc... which brought on the ability to talk to women. I still don't enjoy the bar scene and walking up to random chicks to hit on - but that's a different story. Nevertheless, college I wasn't ever much success at. However, online dating ended up working great. I loved it because when the 2 of you meetup you already fucking know what both of you are there for. There is no bull*shit guessing of what both of you want.

Anyhow, for someone with no experience and being horrible on phone calls with women (I avoided them, most dates were simply from online messaging), I got in about 6 dates in a decently short period of time from an online dating site. My dates were fairly square away. We could talk to each other, but I would know if I was absolutely hitting it off with a girl. There are also certain dates that can help with these things. Going to a coffee shop? Booooring. It's good for seeing a girl for a short period of time, but other than that, it's really boring in my opinion. It's good if you want to be able to bail at anytime I guess. My most success came with a dinner date and if it went really well, we would go to a wine bar and enjoy a glass. A big part of it is really seen on the girl's side of the 2 of you to determine if your date was "successful"... Girls feelings, comfort level, attraction to you, etc... is basically spray painted straight across their face if you are paying attention. Given my lack of experience, I was just glad dates were fairly not awkward - until some chick neglected to mention in her profile/messages that she was deaf.... (ugh! oh well, only awkward part was that she was pretty young compared to me and I had to repeat myself a lot). Out of the 6 dates, other than my girlfriend, I only had the balls myself to do a bad kiss (peck, pretty much) after the 3rd date. Speaking of my GF, the way I got to kiss her on the first date? She demanded it. That might indicate her interest level too

My ending thoughts on a kiss? Don't be a pussy - even on the first date This is coming from a complete pussy who would never go in for a kiss until my success (First and only current GF). It's tough when you're new, but god damn do I regret not doing it soooo much. Best of luck my friend.
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Last edited by s0me0nesmind1; 02-06-2012 at 07:58 AM..
Old 02-06-2012, 07:51 AM s0me0nesmind1 is offline  
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coming from a girls point of view: conversation does not guarantee it is going well, sometimes we just try to be polite until the date is over if it isn't a complete disaster and you are a nice enough guy.

If you do not make a move (hold hands, kiss her, or what not) by the 3rd date that's probably going to be a red flag to her that you aren't really all that interested in her. Don't be afraid to make the first move. Although don't come across as desperate either.

My husband and I had an amazing first date, great 2nd date and by the end of the 3rd date he hadn't kissed me yet so i finally turned around and kissed him (apparently he was too nervous to make the first move).

I guess realistically it's just a matter of the right person.

Just be yourself, don't get nervous, don't be too desperate, let conversation flow naturally if there is a moment of awkward silence you might just be a goner, and don't be afraid to make the move.

Oh and believe it or not in most cases after the first date don't call her let her call you.
Old 04-01-2012, 09:04 PM genieallseason is offline  
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The Troll
Personaly it was like this hung for while as nothing more than a friend didn't anything didn't think that way at all with her. She eventualy got all rubey dubbey on this guy freaked me is what it did and slept together. The next gal had little to none at all if interest then friend broke it off with her wasn't like we had a spark or nothing but she was bit of a slut knew that cause she was with friend not even counting other tid bits, so was in beyond belife mode of lust just randomly got close joked a few grabed her hand gave her first kiss then layed with her. Final encounter was this gal was attractive had not thought about getting with her and no real reason to for thier was too many bad signs like her age having kids them being gone that sort of thing, hung with a group of people that she hung with off and on then randomly she justhoped on me with big kiss hell in all honesty brain was lke off didn't even know what was truley going on until like half way through the kill lust took over had no more concern with understanding of individuals life and presto. Later had to break it off with the women that was madley in love for cause somehow the no brain picked up he was doing her ex couldn't get it out drove me bannans riped own heart out, heart did no0t care no did the rest of the bodie but hey that was probably what this guy got for having one nighter with a kid, she was only like two years younger but that sort werides this guy out always has always will pretty nuch like her age was to imature when this guy was like 10 if not much much younger she is probably stuck like for while yet even though that was while ago, really she should have waited or this guy should have been smarter waited for a lifetime for partner would only treat her right for a life time apprently bible backs this guys beliefe did't know that then, but in short just got to new scene or city wasn't ready to go to another she had waited like two more days but instead all hop skip sort like lets go to LA then like three hours later took off, she came back months later possible she was dropping hints about being together but this mind was already set as in no more sex ever never again will thier be Girlfriend. Took o long to put together like 6 months later sort pretty slow back then but thats how it goes when your retarded. Felt like crude oh yeah but have learned God say ONE & NO MORE! Felt that way for about all this life did not need hard learned lessons! Peace to you BRO!
Old 05-23-2012, 10:16 PM The Troll is offline  
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