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:ninja:
My cooter sweats, and reeks like rotting sea vermon.
 
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Confused woman

I started seeing this girl last week... we clicked immediately. Things were amazing, we are extremely compatible, and get along very well. We spent four straight days with each other, travelled and had a good time. We were both convinced that we'd finally found someone worth being with. All of her ex boyfriends were losers, slackers, druggies, broke, etc...

Anyway, the other day one of her ex boyfriends (of five years) called her to see how she was doing. Since then, she's been very distant. She told me that she is "confused" because she still has feelings for him, but assured me that she had no interest in getting back together. That's all fine, and pretty expected too, but the part that threw me off was when she told me that she wasn't comfortable seeing me. She said, "I will let you know when I feel better about seeing you. Don't worry, it will be soon." She wanted to "slow down and be friends because it would help my decision" and I told her that we could slow down, but we should still be together. I'm trying to pretend that her "decision" isn't between me and him... she assured me it was not. "You don't have to compete with him, that's not even the issue. I still love him though and I can't change that."

So... what the hell? I feel like she's stringing me along until she figures out if her and this junkie (they broke up because he's a heroin addict) are going to get back together. Or maybe she is really just confused? Women are strange, so I didn't want to rule anything out.

I'm just not really sure how to approach this situation. In speaking with her, I told her that I understood what she was feeling. She thanked me, and we haven't spoken since. Did I just get dumped? lol...
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Old 02-29-2012, 01:01 PM :ninja: is offline  
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Forever Domon
 
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tell her politely as possible to figure her shit out.

You dont want her

a) stringing you along
b) only coming back to you because she feels guilty about it and not being sincere

She's gotta figure it out on her own. And its not your responsibility to wait for that.
Old 02-29-2012, 01:13 PM Forever Domon is offline  
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:ninja:
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Thanks Domon.

Yeah, it seems to me like she was starting to move on and now has second thoughts... like the ex boyfriend has just sucked her back into it.

Every time I wrote up something about her figuring it out, it sounded like an ultimatum. It needs some tact. She alluded that it would be "soon" but god damn it this blows.
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Old 02-29-2012, 01:21 PM :ninja: is offline  
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Thanks Domon.

Yeah, it seems to me like she was starting to move on and now has second thoughts... like the ex boyfriend has just sucked her back into it.

Every time I wrote up something about her figuring it out, it sounded like an ultimatum. It needs some tact. She alluded that it would be "soon" but god damn it this blows.
you sure this girl is so great in the first place if she's been hooking up with druggies? (also, remember, needle related std's are through the roof in heroin junkies)
Old 02-29-2012, 01:25 PM Forever Domon is offline  
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[snip]

Please delete this thread, I can update you via PM if you're interested.
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Old 02-29-2012, 03:13 PM :ninja: is offline  
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[H]ard|On
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It sounds like you figured it out yourself. She's keeping her options open and you're her cock-pro-tempore.
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Old 02-29-2012, 05:56 PM [H]ard|On is offline  
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:ninja:
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It sounds like you figured it out yourself. She's keeping her options open and you're her cock-pro-tempore.

Eh... it's possible but I don't think it's probable. This guy lives two states away. Things got hot and heavy between us pretty quickly, and I believe that emotional high dropped quickly when she got the call from her ex. That's all.
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Old 02-29-2012, 06:20 PM :ninja: is offline  
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Not probable? Oh, it's probable. If she is "confused" move on. You can play that game forever, and then have to deal with her talking to this ex behind your back. In addition, if every other boyfriend was some kind of loser, do we see a pattern? Either A: she has no self respect to begin with or B: She just shits on guys and then calls them various things after the fact. I hate to be the one to break it to you, but she is emotionally unavailable, and that's not just going to change one morning when she wakes up or something. Sucks.
Old 02-29-2012, 07:09 PM Jaded1 is offline  
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She's saying she likes you as a Plan B.

Sorry bro.

Rationalize it however you want, but reality is reality.
Old 02-29-2012, 11:19 PM coalesce is offline  
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Never make someone your priority while you remain an option.
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Old 03-01-2012, 02:13 AM fapling is offline  
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:ninja:
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Yeah, we'll see. I don't buy this overly-paranoid that pops up around the BC so often.

We are hanging out this weekend so I'll have a much, much better understanding of the situation. I don't play games or participate in drama, so if I get the hint that she's just keeping me around until she figures out what to do with her ex (or somebody else... OMG THE EX STORY COULD JUST BE A SEKRAT COVER AND SHE'S ACTUALLY BANGING SOME OTHER DOOD OMGOGMOMGOGMOMG), I'm going to split.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:31 PM :ninja: is offline  
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:ninja:
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Think of it this way:

You've been in a fulfilling relationship with a woman for five years. Due to unfortunate circumstances (let's say she's anorexic and it has hurt your relationship severely) you part ways.

Shortly afterwards, you meet an absolutely incredible woman. Everything she says is perfect, she looks perfect, acts perfect, likes all the same music, films, activities, etc... Basically your ideal partner. You spend a week with her, and things are amazing. We're talking like love at first sight, totally chick flick . Still with me? Okay. After this awesome time with this new awesome person you've met, your ex calls, and you suddenly realize that you still have very strong feelings for her.

What do you do? Do you tell her to fuck off because you've met someone new? Do you tell this new woman to fuck off because you still love your ex? Or do you tell the new woman that you need a little while to collect your thoughts and decide if you're ready to move on with her?

If you picked the third option, you're probably a mature individual with a good head on your shoulders. If you picked the first or second, you're a douchebag.

Switch the genders, that's my situation. Thanks.
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:44 PM :ninja: is offline  
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No, it's not. He was a heroin addict. "All of her ex boyfriends were losers, slackers, druggies, broke, etc..."

"Oh my ex was great, and would have been perfect, if he wasn't a fucking heroin addict. Just like my other exes, who were awesome, except for being losers, slackers, druggies, broke, etc...."
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Old 03-01-2012, 06:55 PM fapling is offline  
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Foolioq
 
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Let me first off say that its cool if you don't agree with me, I hope it works out for you regardless.

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Originally Posted by :ninja: View Post
Shortly afterwards, you meet an absolutely incredible woman. Everything she says is perfect, she looks perfect, acts perfect, likes all the same music, films, activities, etc... Basically your ideal partner. You spend a week with her, and things are amazing.

a mature individual with a good head on your shoulders.

I wouldn't spend my day in/day out with a girl who I thought was perfect or imperfect, its doesn't seem like a very mature thing to do in the first place (in my opinion). You don't know much about this girl by spending 4 days with her. Relationships aren't built in a day or by constantly spending time with each other. I love ice cream, but I don't eat it for every meal of the day because I will get sick of it. She's smart to slow things down and enjoy the beginning parts of a relationship. It does suck that this ex has popped up, but on the grand scheme of things it probably won't be very important (he lives 2 states away). I say let her sort her shit out and then get back to you.

I think over analyzing it is a waste of time, and you could spend your time doing better things until she gets back to you. If she doesn't get back to you, you know where you stand. You don't have very much invested in this girl, right? Its not like you have a much of a history with her anyway. Really, you barely know her.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:45 PM Foolioq is offline  
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:ninja:
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I think over analyzing it is a waste of time, and you could spend your time doing better things until she gets back to you. If she doesn't get back to you, you know where you stand. You don't have very much invested in this girl, right? Its not like you have a much of a history with her anyway. Really, you barely know her.

Thanks, this is a good perspective.
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Old 03-01-2012, 07:59 PM :ninja: is offline  
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