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Rizen
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by El Borracho View Post
was she blowing off plans you suggested or things she had invited you to?
Stuff I had asked her to go to. One time she said she was sick, so maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt there, but that's always a cop-out excuse in my experience.

Anyways if something happens great, if not it's not a big deal, she's a cool girl but there are other options, I'm not super worried about it. I'm not trying to derail the thread My whole point of even bringing this up is that hell, even if you have the most nerdy "skills" or interests in the world, you can still use it to meet people. I'm not at all suggesting to let yourself get walked on or used, but I don't think it's a bad idea to offer fixing people's computers or whatever if it gets you out and being social.
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Old 03-12-2009, 08:21 AM Rizen is offline  
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larry burns
 
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Originally Posted by SBU_Ninja View Post
3) A stable relationship you've gained by first learning the lessons of old ones

thats what i'm really concerned about. i've never had a relationship, so wouldnt girls consider that i major turn-off after college, even if i make good income
Old 03-12-2009, 10:47 PM larry burns is offline  
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#47  

lonmoer
 
just do not mention it EVER dont

dont tell your friends
dont tell your mom
dont tell her EVER

just dont do it

i mean its not like they can tell by looking at your (although some do have a kind of sixth sense about these things)
Old 03-13-2009, 10:03 AM lonmoer is offline  
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#48  

diemos
 
just enjoy life man, who cares what other people do or say. like they say... do you.
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Old 03-13-2009, 10:45 AM diemos is offline  
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khergan
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Quote:
Originally Posted by larry burns View Post
thats what i'm really concerned about. i've never had a relationship, so wouldnt girls consider that i major turn-off after college, even if i make good income

No, there are a ton of people just like you who are inexperienced, shy, etc. blah blah blah.


Sorry to break this to you buddy, but nobody is going to change your life around except for you. You can be social, if you want to be bad enough. I've seen 22 year old virgins go from hiding in their apartments playing videogames all weekend to partying with chicks getting laid and having a good time.

You're set in a routine. You have your habits set...it will be hard to break them. But really, the only person who can change that is you. And when the clock starts ticking and you're celebrating your 30th birthday not too long from now and you're still a virgin, who's to blame? YOU.
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Old 03-15-2009, 03:34 AM khergan is offline  
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SBU_Ninja
 
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Originally Posted by El Borracho View Post
you can arguably have all those things while in college.

But is it the MAJORITY? Most people don't. Arguably, you make the OP feel that he is behind, if it arguably possible. It's also arguably possible that people can go to college at 12. Not trying to be a dick, but it's kind of irrelevant to OP, in specifics.

And the thing with not having a strong relationship: I think you missed a sentence or two above it- OP You aren't AT the point where you will, obviously. This is why you are NOT in the best years of your life. This leads up to it, with learning and experiences. Once you have it, it seems like the best years.

You decide what you want to do and do it. But most people can't because it seems too hard. They SAY they are ready, but they don't want it at the price it sometimes comes at. Like giving up favorite foods and needing to cheat on a diet, but still want to loose weight. OR wanting good grades but can't seem to "focus" and claim they are a procrastinator. Obviously, something isn't working so IF you were to say "well ive always done it this way" you need to change it. It just ain't working.

We're all given the same things to work with:

-problems with money
-significant others
-stupid people at work
-debt
-jobs
-etc

why are some people farther along and successful than others? Because they handle things differently. some people DO things while others get hung up. I'm not saying you do. But think about that.

If you want it, you can go get it. But you have to realize how you will do it. Thinking really influences your outcome. You CAN set out to get a girlfriend, tomorrow. Not saying it'll happen over night, but you obviously need to try different things. Your methods aren't correct for achieving what you want to feel is the best time in your life.

This is NOT an insult, but for a psyche class I read a "motivational book" i chose. I chose, to be different, "Shut up, Stop Whining, and Get a Life" by Larry Winget. While I was turned off by some of his straight forwardness- it really made sense. And I understood better and faster all of the topics were went over as far as self-motivation and sense of self.

It was a cool book. Give it a shot. I hate normal motivational books.
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Old 03-15-2009, 03:59 PM SBU_Ninja is offline  
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larry burns
 
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Originally Posted by khergan View Post
Sorry to break this to you buddy, but nobody is going to change your life around except for you. You can be social, if you want to be bad enough. I've seen 22 year old virgins go from hiding in their apartments playing videogames all weekend to partying with chicks getting laid and having a good time.

can you give specifics of how they turned it around? its certainly not as simple as 'hey, i'm gonna be more social and to talk to people now!' did they meet cool friends who helped them be more social?
Old 03-16-2009, 10:32 PM larry burns is offline  
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#52  

fout
 
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Originally Posted by larry burns View Post
can you give specifics of how they turned it around? its certainly not as simple as 'hey, i'm gonna be more social and to talk to people now!' did they meet cool friends who helped them be more social?

meet one outgoing woman
sleep with her
party with her
establish a quasi-relationship

ice is broken, and you'll no longer be hung up about your inadequacies.
Old 03-16-2009, 11:48 PM fout is offline  
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#53  

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I'm 28 years old and I come here to share my valuable life experience. I've been on both ends of the spectrum. I've been rich. I've been poor. I've been in and out of college. I've worked the shitty retail jobs and I've been in management positions. Several good friends of mine are successful business owners with pockets full of cash living lifestyles you'd only expect to see in Hollywood movies. Let me tell you what I have learned from all of this so far... all of that shit only matters if you let it matter. Every person you will meet in your life has different expectations and needs they want to fulfill in life, and you will never be in a position to please all of them. Some women want a stud, some women want a rich man, some women want a goofy guy that'll be loyal to them. Some people only want to be in circles where they appear high society while others are happy crammed in a basement smoking weed and playing Nintendo Wii well into their 40s.

What it all boils down to is what do you want? If you want a random lay you can find it. You don't have to be Donald Trump to get laid. There are plenty of cute girls who don't care about how much money you have or whether or not you have a Ph.D, they'll still suck your dick if you treat them nicely. If you want a super model and dream about driving a Ferrari, then you better start chasing the dollar. But don't be fooled into thinking it'll make you any happier than the slob working at Wal-Mart who gets laid every night by his fat Twinkie eating wife.

Follow your passion and be happy with what you have. It's all about ATTITUDE. If you're young and healthy, you're richer than you think. Just remember, in the end we all end up in the same place... dead.

This is the best post I've ever seen on the internet, and no, I'm not joking.
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Old 03-18-2009, 09:56 PM Blueharv3st is offline  
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can you give specifics of how they turned it around? its certainly not as simple as 'hey, i'm gonna be more social and to talk to people now!' did they meet cool friends who helped them be more social?

Actually, yeah. It can be as simple as just saying you'll do it, if you follow through. That's the only reason you don't succeed- you're not willing to pay the price of a little awkwardness or facing fear of failure.

Why not TRY that book I suggested? Has some good advice.

Cool friends don't do anything for you. They don't rub off on you. It's up to YOU to go and talk to people. You practice. Picture meeting someone like yourself at a party? Would you find them interesting or want to talk to them? What kind of person do you want to talk to? Practice being that person, since you have a mental image. If you don't start, how will you ever get what you want?
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Old 03-19-2009, 08:39 PM SBU_Ninja is offline  
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#55  

tHisFaItH
 
OP this thread strikes a chord with me, I can relate to what you're going through. You're in an endless cycle and YOU need to CHANGE it brother. You need to be happier man, I know it's hard to get out of that shy rut, but let me ask you something: why are you shy?
Old 03-26-2009, 10:47 AM tHisFaItH is offline  
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MrMaN383
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SBU_Ninja View Post
Cool friends don't do anything for you. They don't rub off on you. It's up to YOU to go and talk to people.

having cool friends who are outgoing and social is a big asset imo. id say at least 25%-50% of the people i know and girls i date ive met through someone else i know. being out with different friends puts you in different social circles and, especially with women, makes you much less threatening. obviously you need more than just showing up, you still have to have a personality to form new relationships.
Old 03-26-2009, 11:53 AM MrMaN383 is offline  
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2[H]4U
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMaN383 View Post
having cool friends who are outgoing and social is a big asset imo. id say at least 25%-50% of the people i know and girls i date ive met through someone else i know. being out with different friends puts you in different social circles and, especially with women, makes you much less threatening. obviously you need more than just showing up, you still have to have a personality to form new relationships.

agreed
Old 03-26-2009, 08:18 PM 2[H]4U is offline  
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#58  

Blueharv3st
 
OP, let me relate to you a story about me and my friend.

We'll start with my friend first.

We're both 19, and our social lives have always been pretty polar opposite. All throughout elementary, middle, and most of high school he was a very, very introverted person. He was socially awkward, very depressed, and he didn't have many friends. During his "freak" period as he called it, he just sat on the periphery, observing people. Me, him and a girl that he had a huge crush on all went to go hang out one time, and I started talking to the girl (because we were friends too), and it was like he became completely overwhelmed by this. The whole time he became completely silent; he didn't make a single effort to talk and he was acting pretty pissed and sad.

But then, one year, things completely turned around for him. All he did was put himself out there. He talked to anyone and everyone. This was during his senior year in high school, and he would tell you to just be funny and outgoing. This is pretty much all that he did, and now when he goes to visit the high school, a crowd of dozens of people all just surround him to talk to him. It's like he's a celebrity there.

I was never really super popular growing up in school, but I had a good amount of friends and social interaction. Throughout high school my popularity grew, and my senior year I became the president of our school's student senate, and EVERYONE knew my name. After school ended I haven't really seen anyone since then, because I don't go out much. I've always been self-conscious with groups of people, but having no interaction for a long time just amplified it. Funny thing is, though, I love public speaking, and I love making speeches. It all comes very naturally to me, but when it comes to talking to people and meeting them socially and personally, I get nervous as all hell.


Now, after not really going out anywhere for almost a year, I became even more shy and anxious, especially if I found out we were going somewhere with a lot of people, especially if there are girls there. I'll give you an example: My friend (mentioned above) and I went to a New Year's Party this last December-January. I made no effort to talk to anybody, because I was too nervous and anxious to talk to anyone. As a result, I just sat in the corner the entire time, silent, on the edge, the periphery, just watching everyone else. My friend, on the other hand, put himself out there and was just acting really random and funny. Everyone was talking to him, and he even got some special attention from a really hot chick that was there. This of course did not sit well with me because I wanted to talk to her too, but I made no attempt to talk to her, because I just sat there, feeling too shy to opt out and talk, because of fear of rejection. Most likely most people didn't even know that I was there, because I didn't say much. Now personally, I find my friend's sense of humor to be really stupid, but a lot of other people find it appealing.

I've made more efforts to get out more and talk to more people, especially girls, and I'm not as socially awkward as I was. If there's one thing that I can also say, I would suggest throwing back a few cold ones when you're out and about. I find that a couple of beers takes off that edge, and I find approaching people much easier and a lot more fun. We were at another party just a few weeks ago, and I was drunk, but I didn't feel nervous going there at all like I would beforehand, and I wasn't nervous or anxious at all at the party. It was a great time.

So, all in all, take it from my friend and I: Just get out there and start talking to people, man.
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Old 03-26-2009, 08:55 PM Blueharv3st is offline  
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Bunchies
 
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No offense, but it just sounds like a hot girl using her looks to get some computer nerd to do her bidding and fix her computer for free. What are you getting out of the interaction besides drooling over her looks?

Or perhaps use that knowledge to segue into conversation and possibly meeting up later? Girls can't use you unless you let em. Plus why drool over the girl's looks when she could be drooling over yours?
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Old 03-27-2009, 12:29 AM Bunchies is offline  
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