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zoopnazi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by fiestafish View Post
QFT times a billion... you've been with her long enough enduring this that you know she won't change.

you know...i really thought things might be on the up and up. She finally pulled the trigger and decided to go to school. I told myself if she could do that and stick it out I'd stick with her, but even 6 months before she starts I'm waiting for the excuses to come soon. You and I both know how many times we've had this convo...and I guess they always come back to the same issues, I just don't realize it.

thanks.....again.
Wish me luck?
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Old 03-09-2009, 07:55 PM zoopnazi is offline  
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huxley
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Yes, it seems that you are turning your dating relationship into a man/wife relationship. How about you pay for her school, all her bills and her living expenses and then you break up and she has a free degree.

I do commend you for at least sticking up for yourself, also the minute you start caving in one financial area it will be all downhill from here. I know guys who marry girls like this and when they do get married often the girl just stops working altogether, it seems there are more women out there who dont want equality and just want a man to take care of them than one would think.

Anyway, she is set in her ways and this wont go away, and she will consider it both of your house. I dont know, then again if you were really deeply in love why would any of this matter? It seems like you talk about her more like a roomate than a lover.
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Old 03-09-2009, 08:47 PM huxley is offline  
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#17  

skinnymickey
 
shit you said boyfriend right?
not even fiance or any of that shit?

she cant expect to mooch completely off of you and entitling a girl to do so will make her something worse when she gets older. one of those co-dependent house wives. i cant stand people that expect other people to take care of them when they just dont understand that they "do not need it"
shes not disabled
shes not that poor
how far did she move from her parents?
how old is she?

i say dump her cause shes starting to cling
that clingy shit is fucked up man.
and its jsut going to get worse
your going to be the one paying for those student loans
what is she even majoring in?
is it anything beneficial that can be obtained in 4 years to better the situation?
Old 03-09-2009, 09:16 PM skinnymickey is offline  
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#18  

huxley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by skinnymickey View Post
shit you said boyfriend right?
not even fiance or any of that shit?

she cant expect to mooch completely off of you and entitling a girl to do so will make her something worse when she gets older. one of those co-dependent house wives. i cant stand people that expect other people to take care of them when they just dont understand that they "do not need it"
shes not disabled
shes not that poor
how far did she move from her parents?
how old is she?

i say dump her cause shes starting to cling
that clingy shit is fucked up man.
and its jsut going to get worse
your going to be the one paying for those student loans
what is she even majoring in?
is it anything beneficial that can be obtained in 4 years to better the situation?

LOL I didnt even notice about the loans, hell ya she is totally thinking that you will be paying those when she is done, enjoy!
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Old 03-09-2009, 09:24 PM huxley is offline  
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#19  

Gasdrinker69
 
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On the other hand, obviously many of you seem to look at your gf as a fuck toy. It is very hard to get over that. When couples standard of living are well.. opposite, it is hard for the person that makes the larger income to "just hand it over" Always remember, if your not married but have lived together for a few years you can still get fucked over in courts. I often think couples are together to just leach off the other. It is very rare to see a couple that love eachother and look past money.
Old 03-10-2009, 12:02 AM Gasdrinker69 is offline  
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#20  

theNoid
 
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All you need to do is ask yourself... "Do I want to spend the rest of my life with her?"

If the answer is yes, you'll support your girlfriend as best you can, because you want her to succeed and live a better life. This doesn't mean she can't still pull her weight, but unconditionally ... a little extra money shouldn't matter to you. Is she acting like a leech with a princess complex? Sure, and I do understand your stance, it makes perfect logical sense.

Your mistake however is trying to use logic when evaluating anything female. You say, "Honey, I worked hard to make this money and I think the bills should be split evenly." She hears, "Blah blah blah, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you and share everything. I'm not thinking about our long term future, and that if we're sharing as a couple in 5 years why not start now? You don't matter that much to me.... and I think the bills should be split evenly." Matter of fact she's probably posting a thread somewhere else asking whats going on with her relationship since her now live in boyfriend doesn't want to grow as a couple, and share 'everything'. Money is just one of the few things that ruin relationships but its not the currency itself, but rather 2 people who don't understand each other.

If you want to spend the rest of your life with her, this shouldn't matter. You won't find your answer here, you need to do a little soul searchin'
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Old 03-10-2009, 12:03 AM theNoid is offline  
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#21  

Bukkakeboy
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zoopnazi View Post
I guess my biggest desire is for her to want to be a responsible grown-up. That's not too much to ask from a gal, is it?

depends on the gal...
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Old 03-10-2009, 01:53 AM Bukkakeboy is offline  
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#22  

Aseras
 
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I guess my biggest desire is for her to want to be a responsible grown-up. That's not too much to ask from a gal, is it?

This is why dating exists and why you live with someone a while before you marry them and really make a life long commitment. You need to find out who they really are and how they really act.

No one else in my family I would call a responsible grown up, My parents act like teenagers to this day, they own nothing, they repeatedly have lost it all. My sister is the same. Both my mom and sister are nurses, and they make very good money, and they have nothing to show for it.

The truth is some people are like that, and it's your choice if you want to put up with that and support them for whatever reason you have.
Old 03-10-2009, 06:20 AM Aseras is offline  
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sassymcassface
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theNoid View Post
Your mistake however is trying to use logic when evaluating anything female. You say, "Honey, I worked hard to make this money and I think the bills should be split evenly." She hears, "Blah blah blah, I don't want to spend the rest of my life with you and share everything. I'm not thinking about our long term future, and that if we're sharing as a couple in 5 years why not start now? You don't matter that much to me.... and I think the bills should be split evenly."

How the fuck do you justify this line of thinking?
It's sexist, it's wrong, and it's stupid. Make more blanket statements when giving advice, it really helps people.

To the OP: have you explained how you feel about all of this to her? She may just be stuck because it is easy. Going out and putting yourself out there to get better jobs is intimidating as hell.
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Old 03-10-2009, 07:07 AM sassymcassface is offline  
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#24  

sabrina
 
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My fiance and I are in a similar situation (except I don't have a problem with it). I make well above minimum wage, but still not much for this area. He makes more than twice what I do. We still split the bills 50/50, including rent and everything. We each pay part of the bills throughout the month, then at the end of the month we have a spreadsheet we enter it all into. I manage to do that and still put a decent amount into savings. I've borrowed money from him before and paid it back, but I don't expect him to pay more than I do. It doesn't really leave me with any extra money to spend on myself, but I'd rather know that I'm not dependent on anyone.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:01 AM sabrina is offline  
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Aseras
 
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Originally Posted by sabrina View Post
My fiance and I are in a similar situation (except I don't have a problem with it). I make well above minimum wage, but still not much for this area. He makes more than twice what I do. We still split the bills 50/50, including rent and everything. We each pay part of the bills throughout the month, then at the end of the month we have a spreadsheet we enter it all into. I manage to do that and still put a decent amount into savings. I've borrowed money from him before and paid it back, but I don't expect him to pay more than I do. It doesn't really leave me with any extra money to spend on myself, but I'd rather know that I'm not dependent on anyone.

You sound very much like my GF. That is her line of thinking and it is really wonderful to have someone who wants to pull their own weight and not be a burden. I can see when it is hard on her and I help her. I have to hide things sometimes and of course I do make things as "gifts" or something special. She can't keep up with what I can spend. But she tries to, and that is the great part. I have been so used to being taken advantage of by others, friends and family and it's nice to have someone who tries to do thier fair share.
Old 03-10-2009, 08:09 AM Aseras is offline  
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huxley
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sabrina View Post
My fiance and I are in a similar situation (except I don't have a problem with it). I make well above minimum wage, but still not much for this area. He makes more than twice what I do. We still split the bills 50/50, including rent and everything. We each pay part of the bills throughout the month, then at the end of the month we have a spreadsheet we enter it all into. I manage to do that and still put a decent amount into savings. I've borrowed money from him before and paid it back, but I don't expect him to pay more than I do. It doesn't really leave me with any extra money to spend on myself, but I'd rather know that I'm not dependent on anyone.

damn you dc, damn you!!!
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:27 AM huxley is offline  
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Originally Posted by zoopnazi View Post
I guess part of this is that I would like to motivate her to earn enough that she could pay her fair share.
If I do it that way, she never has to worry about going to college or getting a promotion and can work at Starbucks pouring coffee for the rest of her life.

You can't force someone to do something. Restrictions and limitations will do nothing but cause resentment and friction. She's not going to wake up one day and say "Thank god you pushed me into getting out of serving coffee".

Maybe she likes serving coffee while she's in school? Maybe she just likes you to be the breadwinner? Who gives a damn, you're a couple, not roomates. It's not about shares and percentages. If you still feel it is, then move the fuck out. It's a big difference between splitting the check when dating and living together.
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Old 03-10-2009, 08:48 AM DigitalMocking is offline  
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#28  

code30
 
my boyfriend and I split rent and bills equally - we have a joint checking account where we deposit money, and I pay the bills out of that account every month. I am currently a full time student, with a part time job and I pay the exact same amount as he does, working full time.

There's nothing wrong with you wanting her to be responsible - but wanting it to be true doesn't make it true. It sounds like she's taking advantage of your lifestyle.
Old 03-10-2009, 09:05 AM code30 is offline  
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#29  

RazorWind
 
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Maybe ask her what she sees herself doing in ten years, and see if you can live with her answer?

The way things are going, it kind of sounds like she's going to go back to school because she can, and not because she actually needs to, and when she graduates, she has more of a housewife role in mind than that of an ambitious career woman.

Whether or not you can live with that is up to you.
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Old 03-10-2009, 09:21 AM RazorWind is offline  
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