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knobgobbler
Jumbypunk
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Advice on a relationship that has become to "friendly"

First of all, I will start out by saying that I am not your average Bone Closet poster. I am currently in a position where I am unsure how to proceed, and any advice I can get would be appreciated.

I have been a dating a girl for the past 11 months. I am 23, and have had dozens of relationships in my life. I honestly think that this girl is the one. She is beautiful, has a degree, funny, and very classy. She is the opposite of the bar skanks you usually run into where I live, and I love her.

The past few months we have become a little distant. We have been having sex less frequently, and when we do its less rolling in the sheets for an hour, making out etc. and more cut and dry. I called her up to talk about it, saying that it was bothering me a little and I wanted to see what her take on it was, and what we can do to fix it. The first few months we were dating we were all over each other physically, and it taper off slightly like they always do. The past couple months though were much worse then what you would think a natural progression was.

She said she thinks we have become just friends, and should follow that. She was crying and very upset over this, as was I. I sent her a long message on FB letting her know exactly how I felt about her, how I would give her the world if I could etc. I have never tried so hard to be everything I could be for a girl, and it honestly has shown. She would send me texts telling me how lucky she was to have a man as great as me in her life. She said she needed some time to think about things, and that we are finally getting lunch tomorrow to discuss it (this happened last thursday)

Any advice? What should I expect? I have a bad feeling about it and am not to optimistic, but maybe some of you have been in similar experiences and can offer advice? Should I bring flowers?

Thanks
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Old 04-07-2009, 03:00 PM knobgobbler is offline  
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ThaOre0
 
Is she under a lot of stress? That would influence a lot of the things going on in a relationship. Just takes some getting used to along with communication to keeps things positive.

About the "thinks you're just friends" comment: sounds like she found someone else and is unsure where things will go. IMHO women don't pull the friends card while you're dating unless there is someone else giving her some serious attention.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:04 PM ThaOre0 is offline  
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z32tt
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its over
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:04 PM z32tt is offline  
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WILLIAM NOT
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Quote:
Originally Posted by z32tt View Post
its over
I disagree.

I think they have merely reached the first speedbump in their relationship.

After dating someone for nearly a year, it'd be only natural to feel like pulling back a bit and reevaluating your relationship.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:49 PM WILLIAM NOT is offline  
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flshdncr
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Yes, at this point the honeymoon is over, you both need to think about what you like and dislike about each other, and if the passion is still there.

If it isn't, you can either try and fix it or you can cut bait.
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:50 PM flshdncr is offline  
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why would you send a message like that through facebook? tell her that stuff in person for fuck's sake
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Old 04-07-2009, 04:50 PM wilse is offline  
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z32tt
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theLiberator View Post
I disagree.

I think they have merely reached the first speedbump in their relationship.

After dating someone for nearly a year, it'd be only natural to feel like pulling back a bit and reevaluating your relationship.

i highly doubt that - i'm sure she was thinking about dumping him for months before she pulled the friend card on him
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Old 04-07-2009, 05:45 PM z32tt is offline  
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How about you command where the relationship stands instead of pleading for her approval? If she says "we're just friends" and you let it break away like that it shows you have no fight in you, no balls. Tell her, we're more than just friends, I want you, and love you etc... then if she still rejects you, move the fuck on.

edit -

Quote:
why would you send a message like that through facebook? tell her that stuff in person for fuck's sake
+ this.

Last edited by ScumBag; 04-07-2009 at 06:33 PM..
Old 04-07-2009, 06:28 PM ScumBag is offline  
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its over

qft

and for god's sake, don't bring flowers
Old 04-07-2009, 07:26 PM thedoom is offline  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScumBag View Post
How about you command where the relationship stands instead of pleading for her approval? If she says "we're just friends" and you let it break away like that it shows you have no fight in you, no balls. Tell her, we're more than just friends, I want you, and love you etc... then if she still rejects you, move the fuck on.



facts
Old 04-07-2009, 07:29 PM Gooch is offline  
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FM 2347
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Maybe you can end the relationship before she does. That seems like it would make the most sense.
Old 04-07-2009, 08:38 PM FM 2347 is offline  
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MrMaN383
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"friends" is the kiss of death for a relationship. it might stagger along with its last few breathes for a while but its doomed if shes not hot and horny for you.
Old 04-07-2009, 08:47 PM MrMaN383 is offline  
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knobgobbler
Jumbypunk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ScumBag View Post
How about you command where the relationship stands instead of pleading for her approval? If she says "we're just friends" and you let it break away like that it shows you have no fight in you, no balls. Tell her, we're more than just friends, I want you, and love you etc... then if she still rejects you, move the fuck on.

edit -



+ this.

We talked in person, I wrote the note on Facebook to let her know how I felt in a coherent and organized manner, letting her think about her response. I am not socially awkward, but in an emotional situation I like to get my thoughts on paper (or e-paper) so I can really think them through, making sure the point I get across is perfected. I just got off the phone with her; we talked for 2 hours. The guy who said it was stress is right, she has been under a lot

I told her I wanted 2 weeks to show her we can get that spark back. We talked about what we used to do, the time we used to spend together and we enjoyed, and what we can do to work through this. If the doubts still there, we can move on, and I will be able to live with myself knowing that I gave it my best shot. I honestly think I have got it though, I have never felt this way about a person before. She is amazing and has inspired me to be a better person. I could never just let it go without a fight.

I actually said that I would always fight for her and that's what I've been doing, talking to her and bringing up valid points. She is a woman so naturally insecure, and turned out she sometimes doesn't see me in her future. Sometimes she does. This next two weeks I have to remove some doubts she has about me being a good match for her. She even said that our relationship up until this point has been perfect, that I am a great guy, but she is afraid she won't get into a local school for her masters. If that's the case we won't be living so close together, and she is unsure how we'd do in a long distance relationship. Recently she has been insecure about her body, saying she is fat unattractive etc. (she gained all of 4 pounds, I couldn't tell, she looks amazing). This drove her to ask if she could keep her shirt on during sex at times, which made things a little more awkward. I don't think this will be to hard, as the speed bump has given us the chance to air out what bothers us about each other, and what we would better like to see in our relationship.

All in all, I am happy as fuck. Goes to show some Bone closet advice is good, others is absolute shit.
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Last edited by Jumbypunk; 04-07-2009 at 11:18 PM..
Old 04-07-2009, 11:06 PM knobgobbler is offline  
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knobgobbler
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MrMaN383 View Post
"friends" is the kiss of death for a relationship. it might stagger along with its last few breathes for a while but its doomed if shes not hot and horny for you.

Our sex is always great, its just not been as frequent. Part of it is we have both been very busy, and a slight bit a mis communication that we have managed to work out. Tomorrow I am buying a vibrator and going to town on that beautiful ass (not her ass literally, but her ass region). I figure this is a good way to throw some fun into the sex life.
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Old 04-07-2009, 11:08 PM knobgobbler is offline  
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knobgobbler
Jumbypunk
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theLiberator View Post
I disagree.

I think they have merely reached the first speedbump in their relationship.

After dating someone for nearly a year, it'd be only natural to feel like pulling back a bit and reevaluating your relationship.

This is exactly what it turned out to be. + 200 internet points.
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Old 04-07-2009, 11:09 PM knobgobbler is offline  
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