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Typhoon43
 
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Be the bigger man. Move on.
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I'm the King of Wishful Thinking.....
Old 04-15-2010, 08:16 AM Typhoon43 is offline  
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DetoxDropout
 
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Originally Posted by typhoon43 View Post
Be the bigger man. Move on.

This.

Still holding on by letting that shit bother you. You need to honestly dig deep and see what exactly is causing these thoughts and behaviors. It's not this specific girl I guarantee it. You REALLY don't want to go out there later and enter the same self destructive pattern of thoughts and actions later on down the road when some other chick comes along.
Old 04-15-2010, 10:53 AM DetoxDropout is offline  
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#17  

Night Black
 
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Originally Posted by DetoxDropout View Post
This.

Still holding on by letting that shit bother you. You need to honestly dig deep and see what exactly is causing these thoughts and behaviors. It's not this specific girl I guarantee it. You REALLY don't want to go out there later and enter the same self destructive pattern of thoughts and actions later on down the road when some other chick comes along.

Let me take a guess at what my problem is right now (Seriously):

Upwards of 90% of all my relationships all end in some sort of disaster or another, or never get off the ground. Sometimes the girl is messed in the head, sometimes things happen that break any relationship (Her: "You joined the army? You f***er!!!) or she finds another guy or cheats. At first it was easy to look at it and point out where the issue laid, and most of the time it laid with the female or a mutual thing. However, now at the disasters keep on racking up, I'm starting to think that that's not the main issue, and I'm starting to look in the mirror and think "Hey, maybe it's me... that's the common factor!" Maybe she acted like that because of me... So now I'm looking for a reason why it's not me, and I behave like this because one, I believe that for some reason if it's not my fault, it's less shameful than if it were and my pride takes less of a hit. And if there was a third party involved, well then, it's easier to blame them than to face the fear that it might be me, and that it might be my fault that these keep failing and will always fail.

And this fear feeds into my insecurity. I think.
Old 04-15-2010, 02:56 PM Night Black is offline  
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#18  

FM 2347
I am offended by the world isajeep.
 
Like others said meet another girl. Learn to move no with your life. It's not always easy when you're hooked on a girl but you need to make yourself not give a fuck. In the grand scheme of things the with this girl won't matter.
Old 04-15-2010, 10:25 PM FM 2347 is offline  
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Typhoon43
 
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Night, here's the issue with you worrying so much about if it's you. You say 90% of your relationships end in some sort of disaster or another. The fact of life is that about that percentage of relationships fail anyways. Hell, not even 1 in 10 people meet, date, get married, stay married, and die with each other in their lives. It just doesn't happen like that. Life and Love are trial and error. Whether you have issues or not isn't as relevant as you think, because even if you were "perfect" in your mind, the girl may not be. Worrying about how to make yourself a better person will consume you. True love should have ups and downs, but shouldn't be a struggle. Stop beating yourself up and just be the best person you can be. You'll find someone eventually that likes you for who you are and how you are. In the meantime, enjoy the fact you're alive and have options.
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Old 04-16-2010, 09:57 AM Typhoon43 is offline  
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#20  

Night Black
 
True, I'm alive, I have a job that I actually enjoy, and my exams are finishing up. I'm in the best shape of my life and getting better with each day. It was kinda strange, I was on the commuter train and during a very long delay, I ended up speaking to a guy who was going through the aftermath of a breakup. He told me about how despite how he had little to do with the breakup, he just couldn't move past his anger about what happened. He started talking about divine grace, and while I'm not a religious person, it gave me something to think about.

I'm... I've decided not to hold anything that happened against this girl, no matter what. Things are in the past, and hopefully, by letting go of this anger and fear, I can begin to mend some fences that have been broken over the last few months. Doesn't matter if she acknowledges it or ignores me or throws something at me, whatever's left over is her issue, and no longer mine.

And for the guy that screwed me over? I'm a believer in karma. Enough said.
Old 04-20-2010, 10:58 PM Night Black is offline  
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Night Black
 
Here's an update, if anybody wants to know.

I went two months without seeing this girl. Wasn't too happy with it at first, but by the beginning of this month was actually pretty happy about how things were going. Got my grades back, though not good, I made it into my second year. Seeing a counselor helped a lot, and I gradually started to move on. Just once in a while I would see something that would make me think "Oh, girlie would enjoy that... oh, right." But heck, I could barely remember her, or what she looked like in detail. Started dreaming and fantasizing about other girls. Life seemed uncomplicated at that point.

Then I go to my friend's high school recital, and guess who's brother is also in said recital? We sorta look at each other, and all of a sudden all these emotions rush back into me, I start acting awkward around her, and generally avoid her. Later that night, I'm helping buddy clean up, and this is our exchange:

Him: You know, she wanted to say hi.
Me: Who?
Him: Her. You know, her.
Me: Why?
Him: Hell if I know, she just said as soon as she tried to approach you, you became awkward. I offered to grab you and bring you over, but she was pretty adamant about not seeing you if it would make things more difficult for you.

I just stopped thinking things out, and winged everything. I did a 180, went back, and started talking to her. She was a little surprised, but generally happy and seemed to be interested in how my life was going. I left soon after, but from that point, about a week ago, I've been doing nearly everything on impulse. I decided to go for beers at midnight. I sent her a text (I'm a call guy, she's going to text someone to death some day.) giving her a heads up about a bar night, and if she wants to catch up. No response, I'm not surprised, apparently she replies erratically or not at all. I felt a lot of emotions that night, sheer horror to happiness to sadness.

Next day, I'm getting tired of moping around, and on a whim, I decide to go to this sort of bar/club near the university. I go, settle into my awkward guy routine. After barely an hour of some light dancing and some beers, it's like a switch got flipped somewhere, I just grab a girl, and start grinding with her. To my amazement, instead of getting rejected or slapped as I had feared, she got into it. Started getting bolder through the night. Hands wandering, escalating things. Then I started doing it for every random girl I found attractive. Next thing I know, I'm making out with some second year brunette, we get increasingly drunk, an hour later I find myself fucking her.

And it felt like a giant fucking betrayal the morning after. Sure I was happy at getting my dick wet, Sure I enjoyed the ego boost from attracting the girl and being told that "For a first timer, you weren't half bad." I owe nothing to this girl who hasn't shown any attraction, yet I felt as if I should have been with her that night instead, and not some random girl, and I couldn't help but notice an emotional disconnect.. I kinda did expect more out of sex, so maybe that was my issue, but I can't shake that feeling.

They're going to take away my man card for bitching about getting laid, aren't they?
Old 05-25-2010, 06:13 AM Night Black is offline  
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#22  

thescapeman
 
I know the feeling, best you move on or change your attitude towards her.... or you will ruin yourself....

See this: http://zenhabits.net/zen-attachment/

Also, work towards meeting new woman.... you're really simply lusting after this woman for some (reasonable) reason... but you MUST move on or you will just trap yourself in this crazy mindset..

The thing about woman and men is that woman can be "friends" with men after a relationship... but with men, at least I believe, it's different. Men always have it in their mind that these woman are their mates. They are always different than simply "friends." You NEED to get away from this woman unless you can seriously change yourself. You are still attached to her. It is normal, I think everyone goes through this in their lives. But you need to man/strong enough to move on. You aren't weak because of this, but you need to rationally pursue different outlets for a relationship that isn't so mindlessly one-sided as this one. Just my thoughts.
Old 05-25-2010, 05:18 PM thescapeman is offline  
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#23  

theNoid
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Night Black View Post
Here's an update, if anybody wants to know.

I went two months without seeing this girl. Wasn't too happy with it at first, but by the beginning of this month was actually pretty happy about how things were going. Got my grades back, though not good, I made it into my second year. Seeing a counselor helped a lot, and I gradually started to move on. Just once in a while I would see something that would make me think "Oh, girlie would enjoy that... oh, right." But heck, I could barely remember her, or what she looked like in detail. Started dreaming and fantasizing about other girls. Life seemed uncomplicated at that point.

Then I go to my friend's high school recital, and guess who's brother is also in said recital? We sorta look at each other, and all of a sudden all these emotions rush back into me, I start acting awkward around her, and generally avoid her. Later that night, I'm helping buddy clean up, and this is our exchange:

Him: You know, she wanted to say hi.
Me: Who?
Him: Her. You know, her.
Me: Why?
Him: Hell if I know, she just said as soon as she tried to approach you, you became awkward. I offered to grab you and bring you over, but she was pretty adamant about not seeing you if it would make things more difficult for you.

I just stopped thinking things out, and winged everything. I did a 180, went back, and started talking to her. She was a little surprised, but generally happy and seemed to be interested in how my life was going. I left soon after, but from that point, about a week ago, I've been doing nearly everything on impulse. I decided to go for beers at midnight. I sent her a text (I'm a call guy, she's going to text someone to death some day.) giving her a heads up about a bar night, and if she wants to catch up. No response, I'm not surprised, apparently she replies erratically or not at all. I felt a lot of emotions that night, sheer horror to happiness to sadness.

Next day, I'm getting tired of moping around, and on a whim, I decide to go to this sort of bar/club near the university. I go, settle into my awkward guy routine. After barely an hour of some light dancing and some beers, it's like a switch got flipped somewhere, I just grab a girl, and start grinding with her. To my amazement, instead of getting rejected or slapped as I had feared, she got into it. Started getting bolder through the night. Hands wandering, escalating things. Then I started doing it for every random girl I found attractive. Next thing I know, I'm making out with some second year brunette, we get increasingly drunk, an hour later I find myself fucking her.

And it felt like a giant fucking betrayal the morning after. Sure I was happy at getting my dick wet, Sure I enjoyed the ego boost from attracting the girl and being told that "For a first timer, you weren't half bad." I owe nothing to this girl who hasn't shown any attraction, yet I felt as if I should have been with her that night instead, and not some random girl, and I couldn't help but notice an emotional disconnect.. I kinda did expect more out of sex, so maybe that was my issue, but I can't shake that feeling.

They're going to take away my man card for bitching about getting laid, aren't they?

In a few months/years you'll forget your first time and it will make absolutely no difference in how your life pans out. During this course of time, this girl you like will have given a few blow jobs to other guys she likes, and you'll keep exploring your freedom and sexuality yourself.

50 years from now you will not know each other, speak to each other, and certainly not give two shits about how many blowjobs either of you gave or received. You both will have your heart broken repeatedly until you decide to stop pretending life is a movie. One day, many years from now, after many more sexual encounters with people you do not know yet, many other failed relationships with people you do not know yet ... you'll each be at a point in your life where finding a true partner becomes a reality and not a adolescent dream. All that will matter in a few years is your family as most of your friends will marry and start focusing on their families themselves. Your hair will start to fall out, you'll get fatter and nothing will make you happier than seeing your old ass wife smile. You may live happily ever after and never once blink about some girl you crushed on 50 years earlier.

My advice is simple, stop playing pretend movie world and start living life. The sooner you move on the next girl is the sooner you find a potential soul mate. Its a long, bumpy road ahead, buckle up.
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Last edited by theNoid; 05-26-2010 at 12:37 AM..
Old 05-26-2010, 12:28 AM theNoid is offline  
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#24  

MC
 
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I used to be hungup on a girl

I went the opposite way of most people . I shut myself off from all relationships. Sure theres random sex here and there.. On the whole I am much happier single and I know I would have been miserable if I had jumped from girl to girl chasing happiness.

I really wish people would stop recommending that to the broken hearted. It's incredibly empowering to get over the relationship addiction everyone gets after the first serious one. It's amazing not to have to make plans around anybody and to look out for yourself. Maybe I'm just a selfish dude?
Old 05-26-2010, 05:10 AM MC is offline  
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