General [M]ayhem

Go Back   General [M]ayhem > Real Time Sub-Forums > Bone Closet
Register Members List Mark Forums Read [M]erchandise Calendar

Reply
 
Thread Tools
1999
 
I don't know what to do. Need to vent.

I just realized something.

I am not a happy person. I'm probably even a miserable person in my current state but I'll let you be the judge of that.

Those of you who know my history know that I'm now 27 and before a few months ago I'd never even kissed a girl or had a girlfriend. I thought this was my main problem. I thought that once I got a girlfriend, whenever that happened, I would be happier and things would be alright - you know, I would feel like my life had purpose beyond finish school > get a job > make money. Well I got a girlfriend, maybe not under the most ideal of circumstances, but it finally happened and things were/are good but I'm just not into it like I thought I would be. We have all these dates lined up and her birthday is coming up but I just don't care; I feel like I'm just being nice with her now. I don't know why I feel this way. She is everything I want, everything I should want but I feel numb to it all. Am I being stupid? Why do I feel this way?

I look at everything I have. My hobbies, things from my childhood, the music I listen to, video games I play, movies I like, the friends I have, the girl I'm with and I just feel disgusted - there is nothing inherently bad about any of it but I feel like I shouldn't be in this situation - nothing I am doing feels "right" for me. Right now my honest feeling is that I want to abandon everything I have now, just sell everything I own except for a few clothes, pack it all in a suitcase and move away to France and start doing things that make me happy.

I like art and I like helping people; especially children. I really don't want anything other than to create art and help people. I like learning about art, I like creating art, I like being involved with art. Now when I say "art," I specifically mean visual arts (painting, illustration, sculpture and animation). I feel like my entire life I have been neglecting pursuing this because of my fear of rejection, my fear of failure, and ultimately my fear of taking a risk. I think I would be happy doing that even if I never did anything with it. Just live a simple life and not worry about other people.

The thing is, I feel like I have an obligation to stick to my original goals; what I am in school for; my family; my friends - I'm scared I'll get over it, snap out of this funk and realize how good I have it now and how stupid I am being for wanting to walk away from it all. The reality of the situation is that in terms of practicality, I need to be able to support myself financially and I want to be able to "pay back" my parents by being able to take care of them when they get old. That's what a good son and a responsible adult would do, but like I said from the start I'm just not happy doing what I'm doing right now.

What is wrong with me?
Old 05-19-2010, 05:15 PM 1999 is offline  
Reply With Quote
#1  

Advertisement [Remove Advertisement]

Dongboy
I am Kruzens Brother
 
Dongboy's Avatar
 
if you aren't happy with who you are alone you'll never be happy with someone else - no matter how great they are/ideal you think they are.

subsequently - you'll date a lot of girls in your life (well, your an exception but I digress) and there are plenty that are good but not amazing/life changing - you'll be nice to them, things will be good but they wont make your heart sing - when they don't, well, you give it a bit and if things don't change you break up with them and go looking for the next one that might be amazing.... thats the fact of dating.
__________________
bitch faced lobster OMGOMGOMGOMG - g0rg0n describing me
My '80 VW diesel buildup thread - http://genmay.com/showthread.php?t=645277
Old 05-19-2010, 05:23 PM Dongboy is offline  
Reply With Quote
#2  

fapling
 
fapling's Avatar
 
are you still in school? talk to a counselor/therapist/peer counselor, they can really help.

enroll in an art class. or a community college art class at night if you can't enroll in a class right now in school.

you should definitely act out your desires despite your fear of rejection, but it's not all hot shit. the life you're describing (just moving to france, art+kids) probably sucks for the majority of people who try it. not having money gets old.



i think the biggest thing you can realize is it's not too late -- it's never too late. the biggest mistake you could make would be to do nothing right now. much better to realize your feelings now then on your deathbed, reframe what you're feeling as a positive cue to start trying different things.
__________________
22a1a861cae401edef80f78cd549ab4d [y yuo throw haet :( :(] porn may <3's yuo.
Old 05-19-2010, 05:23 PM fapling is offline  
Reply With Quote
#3  

1999
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tongboy View Post
if you aren't happy with who you are alone you'll never be happy with someone else - no matter how great they are/ideal you think they are.

subsequently - you'll date a lot of girls in your life (well, your an exception but I digress) and there are plenty that are good but not amazing/life changing - you'll be nice to them, things will be good but they wont make your heart sing - when they don't, well, you give it a bit and if things don't change you break up with them and go looking for the next one that might be amazing.... thats the fact of dating.

I haven't been "happy" since I was in high school. I used to be in therapy when I was in high school and took medication and after a while I just learned to deal with it well enough that the adults around me (teachers, parents, coaches, therapist, etc) weren't worried about me trying to kill myself all the time.

And here's the thing regarding women, I'm not interested in anyone else. This girl I'm with now is the only girl I look at in that way.

Quote:
Originally Posted by fapling View Post
are you still in school? talk to a counselor/therapist/peer counselor, they can really help.

enroll in an art class. or a community college art class at night if you can't enroll in a class right now in school.

you should definitely act out your desires despite your fear of rejection, but it's not all hot shit. the life you're describing (just moving to france, art+kids) probably sucks for the majority of people who try it. not having money gets old.



i think the biggest thing you can realize is it's not too late -- it's never too late. the biggest mistake you could make would be to do nothing right now. much better to realize your feelings now then on your deathbed, reframe what you're feeling as a positive cue to start trying different things.

Yeah. I've already taken art classes; I know I have talent at it, I just never pursued it seriously as a career path. It's partly because I know so many artists already why I want to do this - I know their stories and a lot of them had to deal with a lot of doubt in the beginning. The only catch for me is that I would be moving away to start anew and building up myself up from scratch. France was just an example. I don't specifically have that as a goal but somewhere where I really didn't know anyone or the local language sounds like a challenging worthwhile experience. Somewhere, where I can help people and feel useful. Although I've worked hard up to this point (I've been in school my entire life up until now) I just don't feel like I have gained anything. I just don't care about what I have - it's not making me happy. I've gone through transitions/re-inventions of myself over the past four years; major ones in the last year that probably lead to getting a girlfriend, but I haven't found something that makes me happy. I don't know if I've mentioned this on this forum in the past but I used to be extremely depressed in high school; I was almost put in a mental home but my parents were against it. My primary concern now is that this feeling I have now isn't me being depressed again. I'm not suicidal but I do think that if I don't do something to change my situation now I will start to feel that way. I don't know how else to express how unhappy I feel right now. I can't predict the future for certain and maybe I'm not as intelligent or wise as I think I am, but I just don't see anything good coming from the path I'm currently on.


Thanks for the replies BTW. I don't want to talk about this with anyone I know yet because I'm afraid they'll think I'm suicidal. At some point, I will, but right now I'm just trying to organize my thoughts and determine if I'm just being an idiot or if I really should change things around me.
Old 05-19-2010, 10:34 PM 1999 is offline  
Reply With Quote
#4  

fapling
 
fapling's Avatar
 
all the counseling recommendations i made still stand; look for an anonymous one that has drop-ins, i know peer counseling at my school has that
__________________
22a1a861cae401edef80f78cd549ab4d [y yuo throw haet :( :(] porn may <3's yuo.
Old 05-19-2010, 11:05 PM fapling is offline  
Reply With Quote
#5  

theNoid
 
theNoid's Avatar
 
You're 27 and you don't know who you are yet. Until you figure this out and become happy with yourself, you will never find true happiness with material things, relationships etc.. around you. Happiness is centered around self identity and you put all your eggs in one basket hoping a girl could make you happy. After the honeymoon phase wears off you realize that girls are really just as annoying and boring as everyone else (ie Human, and not some magical creature). If we're lucky we might fall madly in love with one someday and be able to overcome regular pitfalls with human interaction. No really. The trick is being a happy person, finding another happy person and sharing an unconditional connection. But it will always start and end with you.

Nothing but ourselves will fill our own emptiness.

If you want to be happy you need to stop looking for reasons and start looking at yourself. Start with appreciating the little things you have that others may not. Play on your strengths and set goals outside of your comfort zone. Train for a half marathon, go speed dating, hit the gym, volunteer, or go to a church for the first time (in a long time). Explore yourself, push yourself and project yourself. It will wash over you and change your life.

You get to only live once, do everything you can to go to bed every night with a smile on your face.

Michael Jackson - Man in the Mirror
__________________
855d05149c8915538dbad94c796751cc

Last edited by theNoid; 05-20-2010 at 12:09 AM..
Old 05-19-2010, 11:46 PM theNoid is offline  
Reply With Quote
#6  

jpgoody123
 
2 words. Peace Corps.
Old 05-21-2010, 07:29 AM jpgoody123 is offline  
Reply With Quote
#7  

ReaperKK
 
First I would say just go and talk to a consular. I would also maybe look into take a trip abroad for a few weeks and really reflect if that is what you enjoy, it sounds like you feel like you're in a rut.
Old 05-21-2010, 08:34 AM ReaperKK is offline  
Reply With Quote
#8  

Reply


Thread Tools

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is Off
HTML code is Off

Forum Jump



All times are GMT -7. The time now is 04:18 PM.



Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.8.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2018, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.