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theNoid
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bennyb View Post
Just keep riding the train man. Those daydreams you have where you both end up working at an awesome company, making good money and having a nice social life are just dreams.

False.

My brother proves this incorrect, to a T. My brother has been best of friends with 4 guys since they were all in kindergarden (age 4-5). All of them grew up together, stayed friends through elementary, middle and high school. They all then attended the same university, same frat, and all graduated with business degrees. They all started working for different companies out of college. But now.. at 34, 3 of the 4 are Vice Presidents for one of the largest commercial real estate brokers in the country. They're all married, kids, work together, live in very upscale houses in socal and they've all been six figures since they were 26.

They work harder, and play harder then anyone I know. Everytime I need a little motivation in life, I look at my brother. He's accomplished what others see as 'dreams'... and made it all look easy along the way.

The point is, life is EXACTLY what you make of it.
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Old 02-24-2008, 11:49 PM theNoid is offline  
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Frenetic
 
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Originally Posted by theNoid View Post
False.

My brother proves this incorrect, to a T. My brother has been best of friends with 4 guys since they were all in kindergarden (age 4-5). All of them grew up together, stayed friends through elementary, middle and high school. They all then attended the same university, same frat, and all graduated with business degrees. They all started working for different companies out of college. But now.. at 34, 3 of the 4 are Vice Presidents for one of the largest commercial real estate brokers in the country. They're all married, kids, work together, live in very upscale houses in socal and they've all been six figures since they were 26.

They work harder, and play harder then anyone I know. Everytime I need a little motivation in life, I look at my brother. He's accomplished what others see as 'dreams'... and made it all look easy along the way.

The point is, life is EXACTLY what you make of it.
Yeah, but your brother can't control who you are or what you do.
Old 02-25-2008, 12:19 AM Frenetic is offline  
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#32  

Comatose51
 
It's his life and his choices and you have your own. The issue really isn't him doing better than his friend. I think he's more worried about his friend and the growing gap between them. I've been down that road before and it's still happening today. Most of my high school friends never graduated college with anything more than an AA. I ended up graduating from an Ivy League. Since the day I left home I've never gone back for more than a few days. I have held two positions people would kill for (worked for a hedge fund and now for a software company that went IPO). It's pretty much been a relentless pursue of career. Still, I do miss my high school friends and college friends. The closest one to me is now at least two time zones away. That's the prize you pay sometimes to pursue your goals and dreams. My high school friends aren't losers but they've made different life choices. I care about things that they don't and vice versa. One of them is getting married soon and I'm still single. Who knows who's happier in the long run.

C'est la vie! Who's to say who's better than who? Sure I make more money than they do but most of that ends up in a pile somewhere and is just another number in an account. You really don't need that much money. Happiness, for me at least, comes from doing things than owning things and I would much prefer doing things with friends. Still, I've made some good new friends along the way so I can't say I regret my decisions. I do enjoy going home every now and then and just chilling with my friends and not talk about intellectual or technical things for a while. Just chilling on the beach and throwing a frisbee with my friends sound fun to me right now.
Old 02-25-2008, 11:32 PM Comatose51 is offline  
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#33  

HellKing
 
this is how my life is right now. half of my friends became pothead losers and the other half became weird and loony.

i've grown apart from all but a handful of my friends. it's hard to let go of some of them, but with most people there comes a point where you just have to.

yet i'm way happier than i was a year ago. life's funny that way.

as long as they're negatively affecting your own life than it's not a problem, but that wasn't the case for me.
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Old 02-26-2008, 10:41 PM HellKing is offline  
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#34  

UnderWaterman
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by bennyb View Post
Just keep riding the train man. Those daydreams you have where you both end up working at an awesome company, making good money and having a nice social life are just dreams.

It could be your future, but he'll only be there with you if he really wants to.

Live your life, you don't have to stop being friends with him. Perhaps when he sees your success he'll wake up and decide he wants that too.

This is true. I had a friend that didn't do much with his life and was just on unemployment and dropped out of college and also worked the occassional manual labor job. I just kept going on with my college and after a year he saw that I was moving places, getting an intern, making some money etc. This, as well as a few other things(such as a new girl friend),prompted him to straighten up and get back into the loop. Maybe the same could happen for your friend.
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Old 02-27-2008, 08:06 AM UnderWaterman is offline  
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#35  

xLudax
 
I have had this same issue. Even though I'm a very smart person, I have always associated better with people who weren't very good in school, and troublemakers. Even though I was in AP Calculus 2 in 11th grade, I still snuck out at lunch to smoke weed, drink, etc. As I graduated from college I watched my two closest friends drop out. Then I moved on to college and they both just kind of stayed in the same place. Now I'm out of college with a career making great money, and they still do nothing most of the time, and have not aspirations to move away from our hometown (a town with 3000 people in it and no oppurtunities). They're still my close friends, but it just seems like we have less and less in common as I continue advancing and they stay in the exact same spot. I always thought my success would motivate them, but it hasn't. It really is sad.
Old 02-27-2008, 08:39 AM xLudax is offline  
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#36  

acidfast7
 
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You're a postdoc, your life probably sounds like hell to them. And to be honest, there are days where construction sounds like a great job.

You make a good point.

It really depends on the PD position. In mine, I have total autonomy (projects/hours/vacations/collaborations) and an unlimited budget to get done what I need to get done. My greatest source of frustration is not meeting my goals/projections. However, even within the same group, I see PDs with zero-independence, to the point that with every single gel image they run to the PI for interpretation.

It really depends what you want out of the position. I want total independence with the resources and the name recognition of the PI that I "work for." Some people like the security of the safe high-profile run-of-the-mill projects.

In construction, the first class of PD would be equivalent to being a subcontractor/contractor while the second class of PD would prefer the 9-5 construction person type of role.

I work with both types of PDs and have seen both types of construction employees.

Perhaps my original post was too simple and somewhat condescending.
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Old 02-27-2008, 10:18 AM acidfast7 is offline  
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UID=growler
 
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I think the biggest issue is not being able to hold an intelligent conversation with them, once you start getting interested in more than just video games and music it can be hard to relate to friends who only want to talk about video games. I've been there and I know what it is like. I myself didn't write anyone off because of it, but I have other friends who did write people off b/c all they seemed to care about was video games.

I would stay friends with him, but don't put up an act in front of him to make it seem like you also only care about video games. If your not interested in WoW then don't act interested when he talks about it.

I have also had friends drift b/c all they care about is smoking pot. Again, I know people who have stopped talking to them after getting into arguments about it. I on the other hand don't criticize it, but I don't reinforce it either. I simply choose not to hang out with them when they smoke.
Old 02-27-2008, 10:38 AM UID=growler is offline  
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#38  

ERL857
 
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I have also had friends drift b/c all they care about is smoking pot. Again, I know people who have stopped talking to them after getting into arguments about it. I on the other hand don't criticize it, but I don't reinforce it either. I simply choose not to hang out with them when they smoke.

I've learned it's not worth the argument with that. A few of my friends are like that, pot is priority. I don't understand it, on the hand I've got way too much of my own shit to worry about.
Old 02-27-2008, 05:22 PM ERL857 is offline  
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