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MachinegunHead
 
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I don't give a shit what I say half the time. Also, it is kind of fun to crash hard at first..it is like how a coach may call a running play for a QB to settle his nerves on the first snap.

QFT, crashing hard makes for good stories, and is pretty enjoyable once you get over the whole rejection thing.
Old 02-26-2008, 04:53 PM MachinegunHead is offline  
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Xerus
 
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Not to highjack the thread..

I am having a similar issue with a girl in my class. I have made some huge progress (for me at least, and greatly in part to the BC thread I made about a week or two ago ) I have talked to her a little bit, and borrowed class notes from her and such, but we have not talked about much else. I know that I need to be assertive and just go for it, but I don't think I am at the stage yet to make that sudden leap, proverbially running before learning how to walk.

I also still need to wrap my head around the concept, that if I fail or get turned down, I am still me and there is nothing wrong with that. If she didn't want to hang out with me, then she isn't worth it. She is in two of my classes and both of those classes have some big tests coming up this Wednesday, should I ask her to study with me? I know that earlier in the thread someone said that studying together could lead to a quick death in the friends zone. If she says no and has a legit excuse, should I continue pursuing her?
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Old 02-28-2008, 04:18 PM Xerus is offline  
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zro
 
A study date is okay for the first date, but it should generally stop after that. Like you could arrange with her to study before the test, and then if things went well you can get together after the test to celebrate. Right before the test you could tell her you're grabbing some coffee or a sandwich or whatever after the test, and she should join you. If she goes along with it, start flirting and having a good time with her. If she declines without suggesting an alternate, then just let her go because the ball is in her court at that point.
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:30 PM zro is offline  
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Xerus
 
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A study date is okay for the first date, but it should generally stop after that. Like you could arrange with her to study before the test, and then if things went well you can get together after the test to celebrate. Right before the test you could tell her you're grabbing some coffee or a sandwich or whatever after the test, and she should join you. If she goes along with it, start flirting and having a good time with her. If she declines without suggesting an alternate, then just let her go because the ball is in her court at that point.

I realize that this is probably a dumb question, but I should ask her in person to study, correct?
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:33 PM Xerus is offline  
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zro
 
Uh, unless she gave you her number. In that case you could call or text. Still, it's more natural to ask her in person since you probably see her almost every day. Don't make a big thing out of it, and definitely don't call it a date unless she asks you point-blank. Remember that you are a cool dude so she'll want to study with you if she's into you--even if she doesn't generally study with other people. If she says anything but a clear yes, then don't push the issue any further. Just bounce back and keep being you.
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:41 PM zro is offline  
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Uh, unless she gave you her number. In that case you could call or text. Still, it's more natural to ask her in person since you probably see her almost every day. Don't make a big thing out of it, and definitely don't call it a date unless she asks you point-blank. Remember that you are a cool dude so she'll want to study with you if she's into you--even if she doesn't generally study with other people. If she says anything but a clear yes, then don't push the issue any further. Just bounce back and keep being you.

Sadly, I do not have her number.

Good deal. This is sound advice, I just have to bite the bullet and ask her to study. I am only recently overcoming some confidence issues so this will be a good way to advance. She really does seem cool though, so I hope she doesn't turn me down. What would be the best way to ask? A simple, " Hey would you like to study for Finance or Quant over the weekend?" or something other than that?

A couple of things I have noticed about her:

1) Yesterday morning when I got her spiral from her to copy her notes, she seemed just as nervous as I was and she was very amiable and smiled. She also asked me if I was in her Finance class. I noticed this right away because I know that she knows I am in her class through a few other circumstances.

2) I had to give her sprial back for her to take notes in Finance class and after class when I got it back we talked and she was smiling a great deal. This may have been because I was smiling, but I have also noticed that she doesn't really smile a whole lot under normal circumstances. I know I am probably reading to much into these types of things, but they help build my confidence.

What do you think?
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:48 PM Xerus is offline  
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I suggest you try approaching her from the front, or sides (where she can still see you in her periphery). If you approach from her blind spot, when she does realize you're there, she might get spooked and bolt.
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:50 PM CharyouTree is offline  
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I suggest you try approaching her from the front, or sides (where she can still see you in her periphery). If you approach from her blind spot, when she does realize you're there, she might get spooked and bolt.

This made me laugh
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Old 02-28-2008, 05:53 PM Xerus is offline  
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haha, I am in an IT/engineering school and I'm a math major, but I'm really not shy at all around girls. In my discussions I get to know most of them, most I'm really not interested in after getting to know them. I can just imagine all the other dudes in my classes posting threads like this online at like IGN or something though lol. You guys spend so much time daydreaming about these girls, but for the most part, you would realize you weren't interested if you actually spent some time with them. Girls in engineering schools for the most part are lamer then us, be forward, be yourself, its really easy and much more natural then planning out step by step how you are going to start a convo with someone.
Old 02-28-2008, 05:58 PM diearzte2 is offline  
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haha, I am in an IT/engineering school and I'm a math major, but I'm really not shy at all around girls. In my discussions I get to know most of them, most I'm really not interested in after getting to know them. I can just imagine all the other dudes in my classes posting threads like this online at like IGN or something though lol. You guys spend so much time daydreaming about these girls, but for the most part, you would realize you weren't interested if you actually spent some time with them. Girls in engineering schools for the most part are lamer then us, be forward, be yourself, its really easy and much more natural then planning out step by step how you are going to start a convo with someone.

Yeah I know what you mean. I realize this all but it is easier said than done for me. I built up barriers and a comfort zone and I have to break it down bit by bit. Planning things helps me get over it, which I slowly am.
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Old 02-28-2008, 06:01 PM Xerus is offline  
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diearzte2
 
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Yeah I know what you mean. I realize this all but it is easier said than done for me. I built up barriers and a comfort zone and I have to break it down bit by bit. Planning things helps me get over it, which I slowly am.

I have the luxury of going to a really big school, so if I blow it in a class I can just blend back into the other 300 students in my lecture. I generally just walk into a class and if I see an attractive girl, I just bite the bullet and go and sit down next to her and introduce myself. I mean, in a normal school I'm sure girls hate it when guys are that forward, but in Math 4242 I am pretty positive it doesn't happen that often so they usually welcome the conversation, as opposed to all the awkward stares I'm sure they are accustomed to. I'm pretty sure all the other guys in my class hate me though. Most of the guys won't give me notes or let me compare assignments anymore haha. Try going to a random lecture one day and sitting next to the prettiest girl you see, you might surprise yourself.

Edit: Maybe the bit by bit approach makes sense on the internet, but a lot of the time, just tearing that wall down in one fell swoop can have its advantages. Think of all the time you have saved if tomorrow you end up with a date with an attractive girl.

Last edited by diearzte2; 02-28-2008 at 06:08 PM..
Old 02-28-2008, 06:06 PM diearzte2 is offline  
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MachinegunHead
 
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haha, I am in an IT/engineering school and I'm a math major, but I'm really not shy at all around girls. In my discussions I get to know most of them, most I'm really not interested in after getting to know them. I can just imagine all the other dudes in my classes posting threads like this online at like IGN or something though lol. You guys spend so much time daydreaming about these girls, but for the most part, you would realize you weren't interested if you actually spent some time with them. Girls in engineering schools for the most part are lamer then us, be forward, be yourself, its really easy and much more natural then planning out step by step how you are going to start a convo with someone.

Hah, nice stereotyping there of the engineering girls. I study engineering and we have two of the most attractive girls in our year level, in our course. You might be right for the most part, but don't go making assumptions when it comes to someone's personal scenario.

Xerus, I suggest you don't give her so much room to say 'no'. You're better off saying something like, "I'm not too confident about this Finance test coming up. I reckon we should have a small study session sometime this weekend", and then waiting to see how she responds. Maybe even just ask her how she is going with her study for it before asking. Also, you're question doesn't really ask her if she wants to study with YOU, so you might confuse her a bit. Regardless, if she says no, which is a possibility, just play it off. So she doesn't want to study, no big deal, talk about something else.
Old 02-28-2008, 06:14 PM MachinegunHead is offline  
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zro
 
Studying on a weekday or weeknight would be better. It's okay to be spontaneous, like "I'm going to study for x, you should come along," or something to that effect. Present opportunities that she can take or leave. You don't have to be all formal and set a preplanned date and time unless you study that way as it is. Think of it this way: if you have romantic intentions you should not hide them. If you plan out a study time and she senses unusual nervousness or hidden intentions then she will think that you are not being honest about your intentions. So if you do a study date then you should be completely casual about asking her, but if you want to skip the study part then just ask her out and be completely open about it.

It's good that you're seeing signs that she may like you, but in the future you can't rely on visual cues all the time. You are the prize, not her, and once you've overcome your confidence issues (granted, we all have them to some degree) you will fully believe this and emanate this, and she will want to be a part of that. That means that you shouldn't wait for cues that she likes you; instead, you get to choose and get to know women because as a man you get her number, take her out to a place of your choosing, escalate physical intimacy, etc.
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Old 02-28-2008, 06:15 PM zro is offline  
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Xerus
 
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Originally Posted by diearzte2 View Post
I have the luxury of going to a really big school, so if I blow it in a class I can just blend back into the other 300 students in my lecture. I generally just walk into a class and if I see an attractive girl, I just bite the bullet and go and sit down next to her and introduce myself. I mean, in a normal school I'm sure girls hate it when guys are that forward, but in Math 4242 I am pretty positive it doesn't happen that often so they usually welcome the conversation, as opposed to all the awkward stares I'm sure they are accustomed to. I'm pretty sure all the other guys in my class hate me though. Most of the guys won't give me notes or let me compare assignments anymore haha. Try going to a random lecture one day and sitting next to the prettiest girl you see, you might surprise yourself.

Edit: Maybe the bit by bit approach makes sense on the internet, but a lot of the time, just tearing that wall down in one fell swoop can have its advantages. Think of all the time you have saved if tomorrow you end up with a date with an attractive girl.

While that may work at your school, at my school that would blow up in my face. We are extremely small. Everyone knows everyone.
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Old 02-28-2008, 06:36 PM Xerus is offline  
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Xerus
 
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Studying on a weekday or weeknight would be better. It's okay to be spontaneous, like "I'm going to study for x, you should come along," or something to that effect. Present opportunities that she can take or leave. You don't have to be all formal and set a preplanned date and time unless you study that way as it is. Think of it this way: if you have romantic intentions you should not hide them. If you plan out a study time and she senses unusual nervousness or hidden intentions then she will think that you are not being honest about your intentions. So if you do a study date then you should be completely casual about asking her, but if you want to skip the study part then just ask her out and be completely open about it.

It's good that you're seeing signs that she may like you, but in the future you can't rely on visual cues all the time. You are the prize, not her, and once you've overcome your confidence issues (granted, we all have them to some degree) you will fully believe this and emanate this, and she will want to be a part of that. That means that you shouldn't wait for cues that she likes you; instead, you get to choose and get to know women because as a man you get her number, take her out to a place of your choosing, escalate physical intimacy, etc.

Basically, I want the study date to establish a connection with her, other than just someone she met in class. Stacking the odds in my favor, I hope at least
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Old 02-28-2008, 06:38 PM Xerus is offline  
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