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kerber
 
My old best friend and I grew up in the same 6,000-person town in the middle of Indiana, did all the same things in high school, started at the same college, etc.

In high school, getting different grades and expectations isn't really a big deal, and in college it's still manageable. However, she dropped out of college, got big into the artsy crowd, doesn't have much money, is extremely liberal, & so on. After graduating, I moved to Florida, started working a cube gig for "the man", have been traveling a lot, and all the other basic opposites you can imagine.

It is taking us a loooong time to figure out how not to judge each other's choices and how we fit into each other's lives still. At one point, I thought we were just too different and lost childhood friends were a fact of life. We're slowly getting over that because neither of us wants to lose someone that has with us through it all.

Just remember, he already has parents and never asked you to look out for his financial well being. You didn't become friends over anything as stupid as money. Your relationship will change, but that doesn't mean it's doomed. I have a feeling I'm going to be really glad one day I have a friend who knew me when I was 12.
Old 02-23-2008, 06:22 PM kerber is offline  
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#16  

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ryanvsrobots
 
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Originally Posted by blue_monk View Post

i use to be just like that. i hated all those business pigs with no hearts that work in an office all day and think they are better than everyone else. and guess what. very few of them are like that.

you're judging me!

but you really do think you're better than him... hence this thread
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Old 02-24-2008, 10:44 AM ryanvsrobots is offline  
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#17  

blue_monk
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Originally Posted by ryanvsrobots View Post
but you really do think you're better than him... hence this thread

yeah that was the point of this thread. to show everyone how amazing and elitist i am with all of my awards how much better i am that my shitty friend.

and you think you are better than all of those heartless, cold, corporate drones that only care about money (which you base off the media and have no real experience). what are you one of those bum artist who works a shit job and shoves paint up their ass and shoots it out on a canvas and calls themselves an artist? or is it just a political debate with you? big evil corporates that give thousands and thousands of people jobs, which in return stimulates the economy.

i'm losing a friend because we are different and have grown up and taken separate paths and i'm trying to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation. thanks to people who posted helpful replies and not replies.

and ryan, since you seem to have judged me because i understand the importance of money it's kind of strange that i would have hobbies such as guitar for over 10 years, martial arts for over 7 years, photography for about 5 years and cooking for about 2 years. i guess a corporate drone wouldn't have time for all of that.
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Last edited by blue_monk; 02-24-2008 at 11:28 AM..
Old 02-24-2008, 11:13 AM blue_monk is offline  
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#18  

zro
 
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Originally Posted by blue_monk View Post
i'm losing a friend because we are different and have grown up and taken separate paths and i'm trying to see if anyone else has been in a similar situation. thanks to people who posted helpful replies and not replies.
I don't see how being different and taking different paths means you can't be friends anymore. The way I see it, at some point, you decided to define your friendship based on your idea of equality, and when this friend no longer measured up, you decided not to be friends with him. And your thread title, "they level out, but you keep enhancing" sure sounds like you think you're better than this friend--just sayin'.
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Old 02-24-2008, 11:47 AM zro is offline  
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#19  

Frenetic
 
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People grow up to be different than who they were 5 years or 10 years ago. Nothing wrong with that. If you don't like the change, there's not much you can do to change them. Accept them or move on.
Old 02-24-2008, 12:05 PM Frenetic is offline  
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#20  

r00tshell
 
Just because people choose a different career path than you doesn't make them wastes of life
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Old 02-24-2008, 12:09 PM r00tshell is offline  
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#21  

Doctor Octagon
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I understand where you're coming from and there's nothing you can do. You shouldn't have to tell a 25 year old to grow up and be a man.

Cut the dead weight and move on.
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Old 02-24-2008, 12:15 PM Doctor Octagon is offline  
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#22  

VxonFlibby
 
Your his friend, not his fucking father. Anything he wishes to do with his life is fine, YOU are the one with a problem. I interpret your post as:

'I'm embaressed of my friend because i'm of a higher social/career level than him" Which is sad.
Old 02-24-2008, 12:59 PM VxonFlibby is offline  
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#23  

citizen_snips
 
I don't know if you are in real life, but you seem pretty condescending in your thread...

If this person is really your friend, maybe you should take some time and just hang out, not talk about how many awesome references and contacts you have, just be real people, and not so concerned about your job.
You'll always have a job, but you can lose good friends too easily over something stupid like your own attitude.
Old 02-24-2008, 05:33 PM citizen_snips is offline  
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#24  

PrettyInPink
 
I feel like I have "outgrown" all my friends from my hometown. We all went away to college but many of them dropped out or went to state schools and moved home right after graduation. I went to school 3 hours away in a large city (Boston). When I go home I feel like I just expect so much more out of life than they do. I want to live alone and support myself and have a career while they are mooching off parents and doing little with their life. I think it's normal and part of growing up for most friendships.
Old 02-24-2008, 05:48 PM PrettyInPink is offline  
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#25  

Doctor Octagon
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As much as he's being attacked, I don't think the OP is being condescending here.

His friend is a 25 year old shut-in who isn't even out of his parent's house -- and doesn't even seem to be in a hurry to move out ever. His biggest goals in life so far seem to be leveling his WoW character to level 70 and creating the world's deepest ass groove in his computer chair. In fact, that's all he seems capable of talking about in conversation too. Who wants to hang out with someone that lame? This isn't a matter of being better than someone, it's about having a friend who is pissing his life away. Most people I know wouldn't want to associate or be associated with useless layabouts. The problem here is that the OP was lifelong friends with him and doesn't know how to navigate this constantly degrading situation without being being a complete dick and saying, "hey, you're turning into a loser -- either shape up or you'll be left behind."

Look, if the guy was actually working towards something good -- like moving out of his parent's house or getting an honest job I'd be a lot more forgiving, but that's simply not the case. This guy goes to school, comes home, and then sits in front of a screen all day. I've seen it happen, I've seen people drop off the face of the earth because of it. It's sad and unfortunate, but the OP has an actual life to get back to and I don't blame him for seeking help here and describing it the way he did.
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Old 02-24-2008, 05:58 PM Doctor Octagon is offline  
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#26  

joeblack1914
 
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As much as he's being attacked, I don't think the OP is being condescending here.

His friend is a 25 year old shut-in who isn't even out of his parent's house -- and doesn't even seem to be in a hurry to move out ever. His biggest goals in life so far seem to be leveling his WoW character to level 70 and creating the world's deepest ass groove in his computer chair. In fact, that's all he seems capable of talking about in conversation too. Who wants to hang out with someone that lame? This isn't a matter of being better than someone, it's about having a friend who is pissing his life away. Most people I know wouldn't want to associate or be associated with useless layabouts. The problem here is that the OP was lifelong friends with him and doesn't know how to navigate this constantly degrading situation without being being a complete dick and saying, "hey, you're turning into a loser -- either shape up or you'll be left behind."

Look, if the guy was actually working towards something good -- like moving out of his parent's house or getting an honest job I'd be a lot more forgiving, but that's simply not the case. This guy goes to school, comes home, and then sits in front of a screen all day. I've seen it happen, I've seen people drop off the face of the earth because of it. It's sad and unfortunate, but the OP has an actual life to get back to and I don't blame him for seeking help here and describing it the way he did.

Dude, the OP's friend is in college, same as OP. The only difference is that the OP is filling his time with resume stats while his friend is enjoying his time in college.

OP, I'm not going to judge you for wanting to get as far ahead of your competition as possible before you graduate, but slacking in college doesn't necessarily equal going nowhere in life. I slacked off in college, and even dropped out at one point. I drank a shit ton and partied even more. Fast forward to today, I'm 2 months from graduating from a top 35 law school.

Lots of people use college as a time to relax until the real world starts. There's nothing wrong with that, as long as they can handle it. It sounds like you guys don't have a lot in common, but it sounds like you guys might have been that way for a while. Don't judge him for not wanting to be on the grind just yet. Not if you want him to continue being your friend, anyway.
Old 02-24-2008, 07:46 PM joeblack1914 is offline  
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#27  

mathlete
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Quote:
Originally Posted by acidfast7 View Post
I've found that the toughest thing is when you're sitting around a table with "old buddies" and they also want to know what you're doing. Nothing is weirder than listening to someone talk about how sucky doing construction outside in the freezing cold (winter in Maine) is, then they ask about what you do. How can you really complain about anything?

You're a postdoc, your life probably sounds like hell to them. And to be honest, there are days where construction sounds like a great job.
Old 02-24-2008, 09:28 PM mathlete is offline  
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#28  

Gibonius
 
If you don't have any shared interests, you'll probably drift apart eventually. Shit happens.

Happened with one of my friends in undergrad. We got along great for a couple years, even roomed together. We played played a lot of games, although I held things together better than him (He ended up having to take a fifth year because he dicked around too much to pass his classes) He was a fun guy to hang around with, drink some beers, play games.

Then I totally ditched video gaming. I quickly realized that all he ever talked about (and thus all we had ever talked about) was gaming. We started drifting apart, I ended up deciding to room with other people, still talked to him and hung out occasionally. There was one serious incident where I stopped talking to him for a couple weeks, and I just realized he wasn't really adding anything to my life. So I moved on. He was still a pretty cool guy and I sort of wish it had ended differently, but that's how it was.
Old 02-24-2008, 09:40 PM Gibonius is offline  
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#29  

the gato
 
be his friend for who he is, if you can't, let the friendship fizzle out. you'll both be better off.

that way you won't have to hang out with a stagnant loser who acts like a child and makes a fool of you in public and he won't have to hang out with a holier than thou know it all who looks down upon him all the time.

different strokes for different folks, if you don't respect him for who he is anymore don't feign friendship hoping he'll change, cause it's unlikely he'll change enough to please you. friends change interests and drift apart all the time, it's natural. go find some like minded, career driven individuals to hang out with. you may not stay close anymore but at least you won't end up hating eachother.
Old 02-24-2008, 10:26 PM the gato is offline  
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