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crshbndct
 
So my girlfriend wants me to take her virginity... advice from the girls pls.

Background info:
Me: 29, 6 Previous sex partners, 4 of which were in 1yr+ realtionships. Lost my virginity at 19. Never slept with a virgin. Reasonably well practised in bed. Have had very traumatic relationships in the past, but i think this girl could be THE one.
Her: 23, Virgin, Only one relationship before me which lasted 2 months (about 2 yrs ago), and the guy ended up cheating on her. (I suspect because he was impatient).

we met about 6 weeks ago. so far everything has been absolutely wonderful. The relationship is going really well, and seems to be good for the long haul.

i am madly in love with her, and she is with me.
she told me the other night while we were having a cuddle, that she wants me to be her first.

i am terribly scared of hurting her both physically and emotionally, so i want to wait until i am 100% positive that she is "the one". i told her that i dont want to rush it at all. we are both young(ish) and so i figure there is plenty of time.

questions:
1) from a purely physical point of view, is there anything i can do to make it hurt less?
2) is it REALLY painful? or not so bad, and i am stressing about nothing?
3) i want to make it a really special thing, which i am going to do with a back rub, music, candles etc, (i do realise the importance of not over complicating it though) is there anything in particular that i can do to make it better for her?
4) any advice at all that i can get will be highly appreciated. i plan on waiting at least another 2 months, maybe more, just so that i am 100% sure that this relationship is The Real Deal.

thanks for all your help.
i do know the basics like go down on her first, make sure she is very wet (lube if required) etc etc etc.
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Old 07-29-2010, 03:30 AM crshbndct is offline  
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Cannondale
 
It's a myth that the first time for a lady always hurts. Make sure she's 100% sure and ready and have plenty of communication. Let her take the lead but guide her if she's unsure. If there is any doubt that you will break up with her shortly after the act, don't do it. It will mean a lot to her but it seems you're sorted out for that scenario.
Old 07-29-2010, 04:34 AM Cannondale is offline  
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illig
 
i think you're really really overcomplicating the process as is... it's just sex... the sooner you and her get over this belief that virginity is some magical gift to be bestowed on "The One", and will change you forever, the sooner you'll have a healthy sexual relationship

i mean, did you magically feel different after you stuck it in a chick for the 1st time? more adult? have a different outlook on life?

Neither will she.

so make it a fun, romantic night, with lots of lube and oral sex

i'd actually suggest stretching the hell out of her for a week or two before with fingers/toys but i'm not sure that fits into your picture of "the first time" here....
Old 07-29-2010, 06:15 AM illig is offline  
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Bukkakeboy
 
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what illig said, also I wouldn't wait for 2mnths if i were you, why is it so important to you that the relationship is the real deal (tm) before you have sex?

(let me rephrase, what will you know in 2months that you dont know now?
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Old 07-29-2010, 06:18 AM Bukkakeboy is offline  
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crshbndct
 
i am really just looking for advice more on the physical thing. i am fully aware that she probably will not orgasm the first few times we do fuck, but i just want advice on how to make it as comfortable as possible for her.

she loves getting eaten out though, so i plan on doing that a lot.
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Old 07-29-2010, 06:19 AM crshbndct is offline  
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crshbndct
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Bukkakeboy View Post
what illig said, also I wouldn't wait for 2mnths if i were you, why is it so important to you that the relationship is the real deal (tm) before you have sex?

(let me rephrase, what will you know in 2months that you dont know now?

i have had a pretty rough time of relation ships recently. second last one was actually married to some other guy, and led me on a bit, and the last one turned out to be a hooker on the weekends when i was at work.

so i figured hindsight is always 20/20. rather not rush it, and wish i had done it sooner, than rush and regret doing it at at all. i am pretty jaded about life in general, although meeting someone who is "fresh" relationship wise is changing my opinion, i have issues with trusting someone too much straight away. hence waiting longer.
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Old 07-29-2010, 06:24 AM crshbndct is offline  
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RazorWind
 
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Just use plenty of lube and go slow. My girlfriend was a virgin when I met her, and she didn't really seem to have anything worse than mild discomfort the first time.
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Old 07-29-2010, 06:35 AM RazorWind is offline  
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AncientMarinade
 
The girl I last dated was a virgin - I always joked around about how she should put out, how I only dated her cause it was exciting she was a virgin, like that.

I just made it obvious when the cards were on the table and the clothes were on the floor that it was her call to go through with it. Yes of course I wanted it, but I wanted her to be sure she wanted it more. And she did, and it was awesome lol.

I feel like if a girl really truly decides for it, they will enjoy it - regardless of whether or not they orgasm the first time.
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:42 AM AncientMarinade is offline  
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CommiePunk
my rectum bleeds everyday
 
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why are you more reluctant than she is?
Old 07-29-2010, 08:46 AM CommiePunk is offline  
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theNoid
 
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You say you "love" her but you question wanting to have sex, and honor her by being her first? She asked you to be her first and you're wondering what you should do?

WhatisthisIdonteven
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Old 07-29-2010, 08:59 AM theNoid is offline  
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Forever Domon
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by CommiePunk View Post
why are you more reluctant than she is?
i think he's worried about physically hurting her. Women are a bit different, in that something (potentially) "breaks" upon loss of virginity.
Old 07-29-2010, 09:04 AM Forever Domon is offline  
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Foolioq
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by domonbaylespam View Post
i think he's worried about physically hurting her. Women are a bit different, in that something (potentially) "breaks" upon loss of virginity.

My gf's friend in china (they're both Chinese) bled an unbelievable amount her first time a few weeks ago and said it hurt a lot. Her partner was a german fellow, and she was already craving the next time after a few days. Its going to hurt, don't be rough unless she is ready. Lots of foreplay should provide enough lubrication for the first time, you don't need to bust out lube.
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Old 07-29-2010, 10:01 AM Foolioq is offline  
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#12  

artificialswedner
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crshbndct View Post
questions:
1) from a purely physical point of view, is there anything i can do to make it hurt less?
2) is it REALLY painful? or not so bad, and i am stressing about nothing?
3) i want to make it a really special thing, which i am going to do with a back rub, music, candles etc, (i do realise the importance of not over complicating it though) is there anything in particular that i can do to make it better for her?
4) any advice at all that i can get will be highly appreciated. i plan on waiting at least another 2 months, maybe more, just so that i am 100% sure that this relationship is The Real Deal.

To answer your questions from a female perspective:

1. Listen to her body language as well as what she's saying to you. Go very very slow at first. If you guys are using condoms, be prepared for it to hurt quite a bit more for her, especially if she has a latex allergy and doesn't know it yet. To reduce this risk, pick up some lambskin condoms.

2. It really wasn't that bad for me. It felt more like intense pressure than pain. I got used to it after a few minutes and actually ended up having an orgasm. For some women, though, it can be really painful. I think a lot depends on the girl's attitude going into it. She needs to be 100% relaxed, ready for it, and hopefully really wanting it. A helpful trick I learned from my tattoo artist was to focus relaxing your jaw. If that is relaxed, the rest of your body will be relaxed too. She may bleed, but a lot of girls anymore lose they hymens in childhood bumps (I lost mine horseback riding), so she may not.

3. I lost my virginity at 18 and I was a lot more interested in just having sex and enjoying the experience than it being a life-changing, overwhelming thing. So I can't help you there.

4. Honestly, building it up for another 2 months seems like overkill. She told you that she wanted you to be your first. I don't want to assume, but I think that means she wants to have sex sooner rather than later. If you wait that long, she might very well become impatient and insecure about it. But the important thing is to talk to her. It's just sex. It's a lot of fun, but angels are not going to come down from on high and bless your physical union.
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Old 07-29-2010, 10:36 AM artificialswedner is offline  
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#13  

Gibonius
 
You should find out if she even has an intact hymen before you worry too much. Lots of women lose them doing various non-sexual things. It will still be an intense experience, but you won't have to worry so much about hurting her.

Honestly I wouldn't wait the two months. I went through a somewhat similar situation, and it felt right around a month in, and we went for it. It seems insane in retrospect, but it worked great and we didn't develop some crazy fixation on it. Don't push the issue with her, but there's no reason to wait if she's actually ready.
Old 07-29-2010, 10:45 AM Gibonius is offline  
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CommiePunk
my rectum bleeds everyday
 
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she waited 23 years and now she's telling you to screw her. thats pretty much it, stop making a battle plan for your sex and just go do it.
Old 07-29-2010, 01:22 PM CommiePunk is offline  
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