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Darkoblivion
 
My GF gets grumpy almost too often as well, but it's easy enough to handle in my case. Rule number one, don't try to fix shit, don't try to reason, don't try to be the middle man. Whatever you choose to say to her, make it sound like friendly advice and not an inch more.

That being said, when my GF walks in the car and the air radiates grumpy, I ask her what's wrong, she rages on, I tell her that tonight is her night, take her out to a place I know she'll enjoy, massage her, tease her, and almost every night we come back home after shit like that I'll hear the beautiful "I'm sorry I've been grumpy, you don't deserve my ill moods. Thank you for being there".

That being said, you don't have to do much. Just show her that you're there.
Old 07-21-2008, 03:19 PM Darkoblivion is offline  
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zoopnazi
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wilse View Post
yeah, that's what she is trying to do - quit and find a different job
the problem is that any job she could get instantly is going to be the same kind of job - have to work evenings, weekends, holidays... wouldn't be an improvement over the current situation

at the very least, a change of scenery might help the situation out a bit

on the other hand it might make things even more dismal.
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Old 07-21-2008, 03:41 PM zoopnazi is offline  
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FM 2347
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Women don't want men to solve their problems. They want men that will listen to their problems. Stop agonizing over the fact YOU can't solve a problem that only she can solve. Listening is the best you can do for her.

My opinion is that if a girl doesn't have problems she isn't satisfied. There's no point in trying to solve a woman's complex problems unless she's paying you very well.
Old 07-21-2008, 04:08 PM FM 2347 is offline  
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#18  

dlink55
 
there are recruiters that work specifically with former military

www.orioninternational.com

www.lucasgroup.com

i'm not sure so many former military people just 'give up'
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Old 07-21-2008, 04:48 PM dlink55 is offline  
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#19  

tmoney1876
 
As far as the job hunt is going, I think the whole m-f 8-5, no weekends, no nights thing might be holding her back. Many jobs will not be guaranteed to be 8-5 with no nights, especially an entry level position. The no weekend thing is pretty easy to do, and that will help alot, but wanting to leave the office at 5 every day might come off as a lack of commitment on her part.
Old 07-21-2008, 11:39 PM tmoney1876 is offline  
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sir tex
 
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Massage.

That's it. You don't need to do anything else. It's almost too easy.

this is fantastic advice.
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Old 07-22-2008, 12:18 AM sir tex is offline  
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#21  

jaedon83
 
It seems like your girlfriend is dealing with two issues here: employment/employability and mood.

It sounds like your girlfriend has done a good job maintaining employment. However, she has not developed the skill set for applying for jobs and entering new systems. If you know that she is ready to apply herself to new positions, you may be able to help her with the application/interview process in this non-academic setting. I don't know in what field her master's program is, but she may be able to find employment in the field: research assistantship, teaching assitantship, or staff assistantship.

It sounds like she is having some difficulty coping with return from theater and underemployment. What has worked for her in the past to cope with stress? What does she think may work? Does she still enjoy some activities in her life? I would certainly suggest pastoral counseling or discussions with family friends. If she is troubled by events from in theater or her mood is significantly depressed I would then suggest psychotherapy or interfacing with the VA.
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Old 07-22-2008, 01:06 AM jaedon83 is offline  
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#22  

booshpilot
 
Have you spoken to any of her friends or family to find out if she's the same way with them? Does she have other people besides you as a support group? Does she go out with the girls once in a while? Your concern is commendable but she shouldn't be relying entirely on you to vent her frustrations. One year of combat deployment--could mean ptsd.
Old 07-24-2008, 03:32 PM booshpilot is offline  
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#23  

wilse
 
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thanks for all the advice/comments folks

to the last 2 posters - we actually had a long conversation this weekend
found out she's been going to therapy at the va the last few weeks
the job thing is an issue, but i think her extreme frustration with it is just a symptom of a larger problem
have to see how this goes, i guess
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Old 07-24-2008, 07:47 PM wilse is offline  
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#24  

theNoid
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Darkoblivion View Post
My GF gets grumpy almost too often as well, but it's easy enough to handle in my case. Rule number one, don't try to fix shit, don't try to reason, don't try to be the middle man. Whatever you choose to say to her, make it sound like friendly advice and not an inch more.

That being said, when my GF walks in the car and the air radiates grumpy, I ask her what's wrong, she rages on, I tell her that tonight is her night, take her out to a place I know she'll enjoy, massage her, tease her, and almost every night we come back home after shit like that I'll hear the beautiful "I'm sorry I've been grumpy, you don't deserve my ill moods. Thank you for being there".

That being said, you don't have to do much. Just show her that you're there.

I get the same results, however whenever my gf is in a bitchy mood I dont cater to her. I ask her whats wrong, and if she plays out the crying game I just avoid the trap. Girls will be girls, and I'm not going to take her out to dinner and rub her back everytime she has a bad day. Usually within 15 20 minutes she tells me "I'm sorry I've been grumpy."

Saves me a lot of money.

Personally I get grumpy, but I dont expect my gf to cater to my lame self. She usually wont tolerate my shit, nor do I hers. Its a nice silent agreement we have. I am thankful I dont have to put my gf on a pedestal and spend money to cheer her up. I treat her like a crying baby.. by walking away.. suddenly the crying stops. No need to pick the baby up, pat its back and offer it candy to shut it up. Then the baby expects all that, everytime.

That and I dont have the energy to play the pleasing game.. I'm too old lol. To each his own though, there is no right way .. just the way that works for you.
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Last edited by theNoid; 07-25-2008 at 11:07 AM..
Old 07-25-2008, 10:50 AM theNoid is offline  
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#25  

Gibonius
 
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Originally Posted by theNoid View Post
I get the same results, however whenever my gf is in a bitchy mood I dont cater to her. I ask her whats wrong, and if she plays out the crying game I just avoid the trap. Girls will be girls, and I'm not going to take her out to dinner and rub her back everytime she has a bad day. Usually within 15 20 minutes she tells me "I'm sorry I've been grumpy."

Saves me a lot of money.

Personally I get grumpy, but I dont expect my gf to cater to my lame self. She usually wont tolerate my shit, nor do I hers. Its a nice silent agreement we have. I am thankful I dont have to put my gf on a pedestal and spend money to cheer her up. I treat her like a crying baby.. by walking away.. suddenly the crying stops. No need to pick the baby up, pat its back and offer it candy to shut it up.

That and I dont have the energy to play the pleasing game.. I'm too old lol. To each his own though, there is no right way .. just the way that works for you.

Yup, I do basically the same thing. I'm not going to encourage arbitrary bad behavior by rewarding it. If she's got a serious beef, either with me or with life, we'll deal with it, but I'm not going to indulge her just because she decided to be pissed off all day and take it out on me. I'll head back to the den, load up a decent game, pop my headphones on and ignore her until she wants to act like a reasonable human being. And it works.
Old 07-25-2008, 11:08 AM Gibonius is offline  
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#26  

jaedon83
 
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Originally Posted by wilse View Post
thanks for all the advice/comments folks

to the last 2 posters - we actually had a long conversation this weekend
found out she's been going to therapy at the va the last few weeks
the job thing is an issue, but i think her extreme frustration with it is just a symptom of a larger problem
have to see how this goes, i guess

I am glad to hear that you had what sounds like an open discussion with her about this. If she has been to the VA a couple of times she probably has been seen for a safety screening, possibly an intake, medication evaluation, and may some treatment planning or group therapy.

It sounds like mood/irritability is a major concern. Goals might include increasing mood and use of coping behaviors to manage stress. There are many options. It's weird to think, but but treatment itself begins with sitting down and figuring out where one would like to be at the end of a stint of treatment. Having a good job, postive self-esteem, euthymic mood, and decreased irratablity are common goals for this major concern. Other goals may exist for other concerns.

Good luck to the both of you.
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Old 07-26-2008, 01:43 AM jaedon83 is offline  
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wilse
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jaedon83 View Post
I am glad to hear that you had what sounds like an open discussion with her about this. If she has been to the VA a couple of times she probably has been seen for a safety screening, possibly an intake, medication evaluation, and may some treatment planning or group therapy.

It sounds like mood/irritability is a major concern. Goals might include increasing mood and use of coping behaviors to manage stress. There are many options. It's weird to think, but but treatment itself begins with sitting down and figuring out where one would like to be at the end of a stint of treatment. Having a good job, postive self-esteem, euthymic mood, and decreased irratablity are common goals for this major concern. Other goals may exist for other concerns.

Good luck to the both of you.

thanks
sounds like you know a bit about this kind of thing
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Old 07-26-2008, 10:59 AM wilse is offline  
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jaedon83
 
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thanks
sounds like you know a bit about this kind of thing


You are welcome. I am always learning more.
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Old 07-26-2008, 11:24 AM jaedon83 is offline  
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#29  

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Funny she somehow thinks a job as an admin assistant will be better...

Sadly, it won't be.

Have you ever worked retail? It's fucking awful. Everyone I know in retail is depressed and hates his life. Everyone.
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Old 07-26-2008, 11:46 AM :ninja: is offline  
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