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CommiePunk
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Originally Posted by 1999 View Post
Dude. I will date the first girl that actually wants to date me at this point. There aren't many girls who want to date me unfortunately. I'm not trying to be a dick about it, but what exactly don't you understand about this?

you don't tell a women "i really want to kiss you", you locate your testes and kiss that bitch. if she doesn't like it, she'll tell you or back away before. Nobody wants written permission before kissing.

you've gotten countless people offering advice in this thread. you've decided to ignore it all. thats your own fault, i don't feel sorry for you at all.
Old 10-08-2009, 06:17 PM CommiePunk is offline  
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jaredballer
 
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No I don't. I'm just realistic about the types of girls I can attract in the first place. The girls I approach aren't exactly what one would call a "10" so to speak and I don't approach girls who are taller than me because I already know they don't want to date a guy shorter/smaller than them.

this is pure , how do you know what someone else thinks, can you read minds? There is a difference between being realistic and being pure pessamistic. How do you know 100% that someone is gonna write you off by looking at you. Maybe that is what is wrong, you put women on a fucking pedestal or something.Just because someone is taller doesn't mean they don't want anything to do with you...people are all different and have different tastes. At this juncture stop trying to eliminate your options. Anyone can date a 10, if you think other wise, then you are drinking the -aid.
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:22 PM jaredballer is offline  
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CommiePunk
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this is pure , how do you know what someone else thinks, can you read minds? There is a difference between being realistic and being pure pessamistic. How do you know 100% that someone is gonna write you off by looking at you. Maybe that is what is wrong, you put women on a fucking pedestal or something. Anyone can date a 10, if you think other wise, then you are drinking the -aid.

qft, don't put the pussy on a pedestal
Old 10-08-2009, 06:24 PM CommiePunk is offline  
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RiderOnTheStorm
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qft, don't put the pussy on a pedestal

This advice has never been more relevant.
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:27 PM RiderOnTheStorm is offline  
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jaredballer
 
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This is really ironic coming from me, but I think this is problem you need to figure out yourself. No one on an internet forum hundreds of miles away is going to help you get a date. You need to take what we said and absorb it, think about it and figure it out yourself. You have all the ingredients, you need to pound this out yourself. Because if you keep doing things mechanically or unnaturally, people will pick it up and you are not only cheating others but you are cheating yourself. I think people here have led you in the right direction, but we cannot take you the whole way. You need to look at things positively. I think it's actually your thought that is blocking you. You don't think you can do anything about this, until you change that mindset, nothing will work even if you work 150% at it. I am not sure how you can fix that, i'll leave you to it because only you can fix your own mindset.

I'd like to quote my roommate who said, "unless you are sitting at your desk every night beating off to horse porn at the age of 40, you will find love someday."
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Old 10-08-2009, 06:28 PM jaredballer is offline  
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1999
 
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you don't tell a women "i really want to kiss you", you locate your testes and kiss that bitch. if she doesn't like it, she'll tell you or back away before. Nobody wants written permission before kissing.

you've gotten countless people offering advice in this thread. you've decided to ignore it all. thats your own fault, i don't feel sorry for you at all.

I'm not ignoring the advice in this thread. I've read every post in this thread and some multiple times over even during those breaks when I'm not actively responding to this thread. I'm even reading those PUA books that were recommended. Don't assume I'm not listening just because I don't have a girlfriend yet and am complaining about the girls I am trying to see now. The best advice I've received is, "be more confident," or some variation there of. Well when I figure out what I have to be confident about, I'll start applying that advice. Unfortunately for me it's not a switch you can turn on and off.

I don't need you to feel fucking sorry for me. You act as if the fact that you mention it should hurt me in some way even though you don't even know who I am. I started this thread to get answers to the questions that constantly vex me because of my situation. What is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me? And many more, etc. So far the answer seems to be, there is nothing wrong with you but you need to be more confident. Working on it.
Old 10-08-2009, 06:55 PM 1999 is offline  
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1999
 
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This is really ironic coming from me, but I think this is problem you need to figure out yourself. No one on an internet forum hundreds of miles away is going to help you get a date. You need to take what we said and absorb it, think about it and figure it out yourself. You have all the ingredients, you need to pound this out yourself. Because if you keep doing things mechanically or unnaturally, people will pick it up and you are not only cheating others but you are cheating yourself. I think people here have led you in the right direction, but we cannot take you the whole way. You need to look at things positively. I think it's actually your thought that is blocking you. You don't think you can do anything about this, until you change that mindset, nothing will work even if you work 150% at it. I am not sure how you can fix that, i'll leave you to it because only you can fix your own mindset.

I'd like to quote my roommate who said, "unless you are sitting at your desk every night beating off to horse porn at the age of 40, you will find love someday."

Interesting that you mentioned that. I used to be in therapy when I was in the 10/11th grade (it was something I NEVER told anyone about) and my psychiatrist said that the reason I felt so bad at the time was because of my thought process. Negative thoughts that reinforce other negative thoughts about yourself. I'm not explaining it very well, but I'm hoping that I don't need to. I thought I had fixed that a long time ago but maybe I need to work at it some more because apparently I'm not very good at noticing it anymore if you are pointing that out now.
Old 10-08-2009, 07:03 PM 1999 is offline  
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kooshball
 
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...What is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me? And many more, etc. So far the answer seems to be, there is nothing wrong with you but you need to be more confident. Working on it.

maybe you should talk to a professional about this.

for the confidence part, just fake it. act like you're the king of the world. when you're walking around, or talking with anyone, just pretend you're brad pitt for the day, and act how you imagine he would act. everyone has insecurities, for the girls though, all they see is how you act, they can't read your mind.
Old 10-09-2009, 12:45 AM kooshball is offline  
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Bukkakeboy
 
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Interesting that you mentioned that. I used to be in therapy when I was in the 10/11th grade (it was something I NEVER told anyone about) and my psychiatrist said that the reason I felt so bad at the time was because of my thought process. Negative thoughts that reinforce other negative thoughts about yourself. I'm not explaining it very well, but I'm hoping that I don't need to. I thought I had fixed that a long time ago but maybe I need to work at it some more because apparently I'm not very good at noticing it anymore if you are pointing that out now.

err, well maybe thats it eh?

negative thought-processes are killer
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Old 10-09-2009, 03:20 AM Bukkakeboy is offline  
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Trachei
 
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Dinner and a movie?

I don't know. I don't know how the fuck that's even supposed to work. I've never been on a "date."

Here's what you need to think of when you go on a date. How can I get close to her in a non-threatening and fun manner. For example, maybe riding bikes to the park vs. driving. Or, you cooking her dinner with her being your assistant chef. Some people would say you cook everything, but I find it much more enjoyable when she helps cut things and talking with her vs. you in the kitchen and her in the living room.

Or, you can go to a live music show after dinner vs. a movie. At least there you can both be in a lit room next to each other and have something fun to talk about. Maybe a comedian event or something. The point is, people open up doing fun things, not sitting down and watching TV [which is essentially a movie]. Would you invite a girl over to your house to watch TV on a first date?

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In the mean time I hear from my friends that there's this other guy that she is maybe seeing/dating/hooking up with and I get suspicious. I'm pretty sure it was the next time that I saw her when I asked her about it. She seemed to understand why I was asking and she reassured me that nothing else was going on with anyone else but I haven't really seen her since then.
Why are you suspicious? She isn't your girlfriend dude. She stopped talking to you because you were questioning her on who she can see when you aren't even her bf. I would have seriously stopped talking to a girl if she did that. That would be a discussion for when you are trying to become exclusive with her [which is not one or two dates]


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No I don't. I'm just realistic about the types of girls I can attract in the first place. The girls I approach aren't exactly what one would call a "10" so to speak and I don't approach girls who are taller than me because I already know they don't want to date a guy shorter/smaller than them.
Two of my girlfriends were taller than me, end of story. If a guy who's 5 foot 4 can date taller girls, you can too. You're using your "standards" as an excuse. If you really do not talk to girls taller than you, then you'll never have a chance. What you should do is talk to girls taller than you KNOWING you won't get them [as per you say], then you can not have so much pressure.

Last edited by Trachei; 10-09-2009 at 09:35 AM..
Old 10-09-2009, 09:21 AM Trachei is offline  
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Trachei
 
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Originally Posted by 1999 View Post
I'm not ignoring the advice in this thread. I've read every post in this thread and some multiple times over even during those breaks when I'm not actively responding to this thread. I'm even reading those PUA books that were recommended. Don't assume I'm not listening just because I don't have a girlfriend yet and am complaining about the girls I am trying to see now. The best advice I've received is, "be more confident," or some variation there of. Well when I figure out what I have to be confident about, I'll start applying that advice. Unfortunately for me it's not a switch you can turn on and off.

I don't need you to feel fucking sorry for me. You act as if the fact that you mention it should hurt me in some way even though you don't even know who I am. I started this thread to get answers to the questions that constantly vex me because of my situation. What is wrong with me? Is something wrong with me? And many more, etc. So far the answer seems to be, there is nothing wrong with you but you need to be more confident. Working on it.

I'm guessing you've seen 40 Year Old Virgin right?

Right now, your Andy. You're going to fuck up. You'll get a drunk bitch and she'll puke on you. You'll go the bookstore, do exactly what someone says and pickup this 10 chick and she'll want to do you.

But, what you need to do is hit up LOTS of chicks. Chicks you don't even want to date. Chicks maybe you would want to see for a week. Who cares. Use your instincts! The reason for this is so you can get comfortable. If you talk to girls you aren't having a boner about that second, then you'll have a lot less pressure to do courtship moves.

Of course this is easier said than done, because if you could do this, you already would be doing it and you wouldn't be here. So tip one is, get a wingman. Don't do this in your home city [lol not 2 hours away either]. Go to a local bar/hangout area. Have a couple drinks with your bro. Then, let him pick out chicks for you to talk to. You might get rejected all night, but what you should do is, say the most ridiculous shit you can think of; the cheesiest pick up lines and corniest jokes you have. Then, you won't have expectations of getting her, but you'll have funny stories, and experience.

I think you just have too high of expectations and you're killing yourself thinking that each girl is finally going to be the one. Forget about that, and alcohol will help in that moment.
Old 10-09-2009, 09:34 AM Trachei is offline  
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jameslu100
 
Yes, just like the majority of the people said in this forum. Be yourself, do not think about too much of dating. Once you reached mid-20s or so, the pressure builds up quickly. I am sure that you have a lot of friends around you who are in relationship already. Same thing is happening to me right now. Seeing your buddies cozy-ing with their girls makes you want to join the "club" as well. Another important part of this is that as you reaching mid 20s, your mind keeps on telling you that it is time to find a girl, talk to her, hang out with her stuff like that. The more you think about it, more depressed you are going to become if you staying single. My advice to all the people, just like everyone else in the room. Be confident and try not to think about it too much (i know it is almost impossible). One day, your "day" will come. This is what happened to my previous relationship (unfortunately it did not work out well after she came after me).
If you ask me, "do i think about these issues often?" Yes! I can not help it. Do i have any immediate solutions? No! Do I have time to make it happen? Yes!
Socializing is a great way to meet singles.... But even if you do not socialize as much as the other, I still think one day, a girl will fall into you if you keep on doing what you think it is best for your career, future. Women look up for these qualities, especially at late 20s. They do not look for guys who will bring them out to different places no more. They are looking for guys who are stable, caring and fun to talk to.
You are not the only one in the room. There are a lot of GREAT GUYS out there with great personality, career who are single. Just because you see a guy who is inferior to you (either financially, or physical appearance, or for whatever the reason is) in a relationship, it should not make you mad or anything.
The longer you wait (not rushing into it), the better your "girl" you will find. I have known many guys like this. They waited... focus on what they do... and ended up with a great relationship (good quality, good looking gfs)

Last edited by jameslu100; 10-11-2009 at 07:33 AM..
Old 10-11-2009, 07:26 AM jameslu100 is offline  
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1999
 
It was my birthday about two weeks ago and I'm 27 now. I know this is going to sound weird to you guys given everything I've been saying up to now but I'm just doing my thing right now. I haven't really been talking to any women. Not with the intention of asking them out anyway. I'm not really interested. Like last night for example. I was out with some friends and this girl wanted to talk to me (huh?). I obliged and we spoke for a bit. Much to my surprise, despite the fact that she was inebriated she had quite astute observations about me that I wouldn't have expected someone to notice right off the bat, much less someone who was clearly drunk. Anyway, I wasn't attracted to her and she was drunk. Lose-lose. Long story short, she wanted me and I tactfully passed on her offer (I'm not a dick, but I def. wasn't interested in hooking up). She kinda kissed me at one point. I don't remember. I'm not counting that as a real kiss anyway. It was an amazing night despite all that. I'm in a good place mentally. I've been hanging out more with my best friend and she's given me some good advice on how to be the type of person I want to be. She's fairly honest with me so I take her advice seriously. I've opened up a bit to her about my confidence issues (or maybe she has known all along but didn't want to make it an issue) and while I don't know if she's doing this on purpose or not she certainly does a good job of making me feel more confident about the things I do and the decisions I make. Sounds weird but I'm already starting to think of myself differently than I did at the start of the summer. Anyway, for the time being, I'm getting into my hobbies (biking, art) and trying to focus on school/future career. I feel like the more I do that the closer I get to the person I want to be.

I might post more stories about my failures with women in the future, but for now, I'm going to stop bitching about not being in a relationship and just focus on what's really important to me.


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Originally Posted by Trachei View Post
Why are you suspicious? She isn't your girlfriend dude. She stopped talking to you because you were questioning her on who she can see when you aren't even her bf. I would have seriously stopped talking to a girl if she did that. That would be a discussion for when you are trying to become exclusive with her [which is not one or two dates].

It seemed like a good idea to find out directly from her if she had a boyfriend already. Even more so because I was told by two separate sources that she did indeed have a boyfriend already. Maybe I didn't go about it in the most tactful way but I'm not interested in dating someone who doesn't want to commit to me in the same way that I want to commit to them. It's different if we're both like, "blah, whatever," about it, but if I like you and you don't like me back, I'm not going to waste my time pursuing you.

That's over and done with either way, so I don't care what she thinks of me at this point.

Quote:
Originally Posted by jameslu100 View Post
Yes, just like the majority of the people said in this forum. Be yourself, do not think about too much of dating. Once you reached mid-20s or so, the pressure builds up quickly. I am sure that you have a lot of friends around you who are in relationship already. Same thing is happening to me right now. Seeing your buddies cozy-ing with their girls makes you want to join the "club" as well. Another important part of this is that as you reaching mid 20s, your mind keeps on telling you that it is time to find a girl, talk to her, hang out with her stuff like that. The more you think about it, more depressed you are going to become if you staying single. My advice to all the people, just like everyone else in the room. Be confident and try not to think about it too much (i know it is almost impossible). One day, your "day" will come. This is what happened to my previous relationship (unfortunately it did not work out well after she came after me).
If you ask me, "do i think about these issues often?" Yes! I can not help it. Do i have any immediate solutions? No! Do I have time to make it happen? Yes!
Socializing is a great way to meet singles.... But even if you do not socialize as much as the other, I still think one day, a girl will fall into you if you keep on doing what you think it is best for your career, future. Women look up for these qualities, especially at late 20s. They do not look for guys who will bring them out to different places no more. They are looking for guys who are stable, caring and fun to talk to.
You are not the only one in the room. There are a lot of GREAT GUYS out there with great personality, career who are single. Just because you see a guy who is inferior to you (either financially, or physical appearance, or for whatever the reason is) in a relationship, it should not make you mad or anything.
The longer you wait (not rushing into it), the better your "girl" you will find. I have known many guys like this. They waited... focus on what they do... and ended up with a great relationship (good quality, good looking gfs)

*nods*

Hey, thanks! Reading that made me feel not so crumby about not being in a relationship.
Old 10-26-2009, 02:05 AM 1999 is offline  
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fiona123
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Last edited by Vendetta; 10-26-2009 at 06:28 AM..
Old 10-26-2009, 03:31 AM fiona123 is offline  
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mainbrotha
 
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It seemed like a good idea to find out directly from her if she had a boyfriend already. Even more so because I was told by two separate sources that she did indeed have a boyfriend already. Maybe I didn't go about it in the most tactful way but I'm not interested in dating someone who doesn't want to commit to me in the same way that I want to commit to them. It's different if we're both like, "blah, whatever," about it, but if I like you and you don't like me back, I'm not going to waste my time pursuing you.

Hats off to you. Because when they act like they have some seeming interest in you, that's when it hurts the most. Been there. Rather recently.
Old 10-26-2009, 05:18 AM mainbrotha is offline  
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