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Phil Taylor
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Frenetic View Post
I can agree to that.
also, i should mention that Neil Strauss is 5'6 and apparently he can have any woman he pleases.
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Old 06-19-2009, 03:19 PM Phil Taylor is offline  
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Phil Taylor
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and also, also (too late to edit the prev. post),

i just measured myself and i'm 168cm, which is 5'5. ahhhh, 5'8 my arse.

i'm the same height as you and i'm 19. it doesn't bother me too much... sure i'd love to be taller (and maybe i will be, i look YOUNG for my age and have always been behind the rest), but there's lots of girls who are our height or smaller, and i've had good luck with an acceptable amount so far. i feel that as long as you're okay about it and not one of those short, aggressive men with a chip on their shoulder, you'll be fine. you've just got to live your life - it's not like you can change it - so accept yourself!
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Old 06-19-2009, 04:30 PM Phil Taylor is offline  
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Read The Game, by Neil Strauss.

not only is it a fucking good way to entertain yourself for a while, it changes your perspective on dating/attracting women in general, even if you don't put what it shows you into action. it is actually a true story, too, with Neil starting off not far from where you are right now. http://www.amazon.co.uk/Game-Neil-St...5282697&sr=1-1

Seriously, i've been reading this book since you suggested it. Awesome reading material. Not so much for me about meeting women. I have a girlfriend. But for the psychological material it contains. I'm actually really understanding how my girlfriend and I got together and everything. I seriously have been reading it for the last two days almost non stop. Good stuff. Thankyou.
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Old 06-21-2009, 02:51 PM Great Tiger is offline  
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Phil Taylor
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Originally Posted by Great Tiger View Post
Seriously, i've been reading this book since you suggested it. Awesome reading material. Not so much for me about meeting women. I have a girlfriend. But for the psychological material it contains. I'm actually really understanding how my girlfriend and I got together and everything. I seriously have been reading it for the last two days almost non stop. Good stuff. Thankyou.


i originally just picked it up in a bookshop and liked the look of it. then i remembered somebody on here talking about it, so i thought what the hell it looks like a good read. it is a very, very entertaining book (probably the most interesting book i ever read) but i found that it was a very imformative read as well.
i felt like i was making progress just by reading it.
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Old 06-21-2009, 03:45 PM Phil Taylor is offline  
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Best Person in America
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If you've been described as being cute then it's probably just a matter of confidence. Make eye contact with girls. The first things girls notice is eye contact. I can't tell you how many times I've just stared at a girl and she either smiles at me, giving me an opening to come chat with her, or she actually walks over and talks to me, or even sometimes they will motion me over to them with their finger.

Also be honest with them. If you haven't been with any girls don't try to fool them by acting like you're experienced. Tell them your situation and they will listen and I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would get turned on knowing they are the first to kiss you or fuck you.
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Old 06-22-2009, 02:18 AM Best Person in America is offline  
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The second you stop caring is the second you become attractive.
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Old 06-22-2009, 04:15 PM theNoid is offline  
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And their money.....MUHUHUHAHAHAHAHAAHA.

I met my wife while I was laid off and had moved back to my parent's house while I looked for another job.

I think confidence is the key like others are saying. If you would have asked me five years ago if I would be married and in the financial position I am in, I would have never believed it.

After I got laid off, my confidence was at an all time low, and I started to do stuff I never would have normally just for the heck of it. I started asking girls out more, just expecting to get shot down and make myself even more depressed, but instead the opposite happened.

I think what helped boost my confidence was taking risks and finding out most girls are just waiting for you to make that first move. Doing what is comfortable is not going to help you any.

I dated more girls in the six months I was unemployed and living at my parents then I had done in the rest of my previous 23 years. Now I am 26, married, have an awesome job, and am loving life.
Old 06-22-2009, 04:52 PM Siegfried is offline  
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The second you stop caring is the second you become attractive.

Yeah, that was what happened with me. I stopped caring and took risks.
Old 06-22-2009, 04:52 PM Siegfried is offline  
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1999
 
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this might sound silly, but... do you actually try? do you actually use any techniques to attract women? do you change your mindset when you are with an attractive girl, so that you don't come off as all friend-y? are you just too nice to them? i know a lot of guys who girls consider too "safe" because of that. there is a whole world of factors involved in meeting and attracting girls other than "meet, get to know, ask out" you know.

i know, it seems stupid, but i used to think i was not good with women, and then it dawned on me that i wasn't actually trying. i considered myself unattractive because girls were not throwing themselves at me. i didn't have a girlfriend so i must be socially inept, right? it dawned on me that there was women interested in me all over the place, i just wasn't making the first move. i changed the way i seemed so that i appeared more confident, read books, learned how to flirt using the touch barrier, etc. and now i can do much better. think about how women perceive you, and act on that.

Touch barrier? You mean like in those PUA books? I don't know exactly what you are talking about but I try really hard. I try way too hard actually. So much so that it probably comes off as desperation sometimes. I've asked out girls who I really shouldn't even be asking out in the first place. Like... girls who barely speak English. So many stories I could tell.

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Originally Posted by Stanch View Post
People say a lot of dumb things, such as "if you don't have a sexual relationship in college you never will."

But I must admit to being curious what you studied in graduate school. It's a serious commitment for every student, and there are plenty of women who want someone to share their true interests—even in a relationship that isn't forever.

I'm not really sure what you mean by that. I'm in med school but I don't see how that would make a difference to women. I've had female friends say things like, "you have a lot of good qualities about you...x, y, z and you are going to medical school! If I was materialistic I would be all up on that... but I'm not." This was something that was actually said to me. I just laughed it off but I understood what she was really saying about me.

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Well i read the OP and still stand by what i said. But let me ask you a few things.
Have you ever gone on any dates? I dont mean just hanging out with a girl, but have you taken a girl out, bought her dinner/watched a movie, anything?
Whatever ended up happening with the girl you were thinking about asking out a couple months ago?

Also, you said youre in college, what are you going for? Do you have any hobbies? Do you live on your own or with roomates or what?

You said you "go out too much by most standards". What does that mean/what is it you do?

No, I've never gone on any dates. Every girl I've ever asked has said no. The last girl I asked... that was so awkward because I still see her now and then around town. She actually said yes but then backed out of it at the last minute. That was a while ago but I haven't really asked anyone out since. Not that I haven't thought about it but I'm more careful about pre-emptively avoiding rejection. "Do you want to come with me to my friends BBQ this weekend?" "No. I'm busy. The entire weekend." That kind of thing.

The girl I met at the Valentines Day party? She has a boyfriend or a guy she's seeing regularly that's like a boyfriend. I don't think she actually liked me as she was more interested in talking about "ethnic cultures" with me than going out on actual dates. Also made many lame excuses. "I might go out with you, but if my friends call me, I'd rather hang out with them." Actually the last girl I asked out a couple weeks ago, Lauren, also said this to me. "If my friend doesn't call me then I might be interested." Never heard from her again. I met her at a party and she actually said, "I like you, [my name]," and asked me to walk her back home that night. I thought it could have gone somewhere but maybe she was intimidated by my age? She's 21 and I'm 26. Who knows? All I know is that it went no where despite my best efforts.

Going out too much means that I'm out the entire day most days of the week. Only coming home to sleep and/or change clothes. What do I do when I'm out? It depends. Sometimes I'm at a friends house. Sometimes I'm hopping from one group of friends to the next (lunch with one group, movie with another, party/bar hopping with another, etc.). Sometimes I just hang out with my friends at the park and drink. I don't know. There's no set agenda. People call me up and I go hang out with them. I should note that when school is on I don't do this during the week. I'm not especially studious or disciplined but I won't enjoy being out if I have work to do.

I'm studying medicine at school. I don't actually want to be a doctor. It's more of a means to an end than something I'm passionate about (many doctors in my family if that helps clarify where I'm coming from). I don't have many hobbies other than my bicycle. I love my fixed gear bike. I used to be into computers and music but I stopped caring about those things when I realized they were alienating me from other people. I listened to obscure electronic music and alternative/indie rock and with computers I was way too into video games. I was that one kid you knew growing up that had every video game except the difference with me was that I actually tried to play them all. All of that died out as I started college and I started to return myself to the real world and away from the cold, dark depths of supreme nerdom. I love going out and there is a lot to do in this city if you make even the slightest effort but I don't like doing those things alone. It is not enjoyable to go to a movie or play and not have anyone to talk to about it afterwards.

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Originally Posted by ScumBag View Post
Your problem is lack of confidence and too much self-doubt. Women smell that shit a mile away. It's THE biggest turn off. Walk around like you own the fucking world, don't doubt yourself so much and you'll eventually attract a woman. I've seen fat, short, and ugly ass mother fuckers pickup pretty decent looking chicks with their personality because they act "as if".

Act as if : you're successful
Act as if : you're good looking
Act as if : you can have any woman you want
Act as if : you're a genius

Don't actually flat out say these things or turn into an arrogant prick, but you want to reflect in your personality as if you had these things going for you... that's the point.

Good advice. I went to a movie with one of my female friends yesterday (I hang out with this particular friend a lot actually - long story there). It was a movie I had previously seen and she wanted to see it because I had recommended it to her. After the movie we were talking and I started saying something about how whenever I recommend a movie to someone, and I go with that person to the movie, I'm always a little nervous that I might have over sold it and the person won't like it as much as I do. She paused, looked at me and said something like, "you need to stop doubting yourself so much." It caught me off guard. I was being honest about what I was thinking and I never interpreted that as self-doubt, but she did. It reminded me of this post. I thought to myself, do I really doubt myself that much and is it that obvious to other people?

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Originally Posted by mainbrotha View Post
The one thing that a girl finds most attractive in a guy is their ability to make them laugh and smile.

I'm not funny. At all. I'm not a good story teller.

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Originally Posted by VapoRub View Post
Honestly I think this is your problem. I walk around all the time thinking women are checking me out constantly. I walk around like every moment is a well directed music video. When I make eye contact with a girl, I assume they're full on attracted to me and talk to them like we both know it.

Every time I try to make eye contact with a random girl on the street she looks away quickly


Quote:
Originally Posted by BPJ View Post
Lies! If that were true, then why am I having to go to court next week for holding that girl down in the elevator and tickling her?

What women really want is security. Well at least that's what they are always screaming as I approach them.

But really. You don't have a job correct? And what sort of volunteering do you do? What is your field of study? Not that any of that really matters, just curious.

I used to be similar I suppose. Never much luck with the ladies. And can just regurgitate what others have said, confidence is key.

I know you feel like it's a catch-22, in that you need it to to get women, and you need women to feel confident.

The best thing I can offer is find something you like to do. Treat yourself and make yourself happy. For me, the finding a partner/soul mate is 100% . The whole "he's my better half" type crap doesn't fly. You need to make yourself happy

Do shit that makes you feel good and is fun. Take some shooting courses. Go out to Vegas for a couple of days. Pack your shit and see how far you can drive without buying gas and peeing in bottles on the way. Just have to find what works for you.

Something that was easier for me for some reason, was head out to another city where you have no chance of running into that person locally where you live. Then go to the coffee shops, Target, etc. and just walk up to strangers. It will take some "performance" pressure away since you know you won't be running into that person again. If it fails, big deal, never have to see them again and they don't know you, so press on. If it works, you get a little spring in your gitty-up.

I volunteer at a hospital when I'm not in school/studying.

Reason it took me a while to get back to everyone in this thread is because I went out of town for the weekend to see a concert I was interested in. I felt a lot better when I got back. I was really depressed last week and while those problems persist at least it's not affecting me as much right now.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Taylor View Post
and also, also (too late to edit the prev. post),

i just measured myself and i'm 168cm, which is 5'5. ahhhh, 5'8 my arse.

i'm the same height as you and i'm 19. it doesn't bother me too much... sure i'd love to be taller (and maybe i will be, i look YOUNG for my age and have always been behind the rest), but there's lots of girls who are our height or smaller, and i've had good luck with an acceptable amount so far. i feel that as long as you're okay about it and not one of those short, aggressive men with a chip on their shoulder, you'll be fine. you've just got to live your life - it's not like you can change it - so accept yourself!

I actually didn't think of my height as an issue until I started talking to girls and asking them out. Plus the experience online dating was eye-opening to say the least. I remember there was this one girl in one of my classes in the fall and on the last day of class I was walking with her talking to her about staying in touch (she was quitting school and going home which was across the country). I wasn't even asking her out but as I was going on she suddenly interrupted me and said, "wait a minute! how tall are you?" I replied, "um, I'm 5'5." She then said, "no ways, you are not 5'5. You are 5'4. You can't be 5'5. Yeah sorry, it would be too difficult to stay in touch." She then walked away and I was left there wondering what the fuck just happened. This girl wasn't even taller than me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Phil Taylor View Post


i originally just picked it up in a bookshop and liked the look of it. then i remembered somebody on here talking about it, so i thought what the hell it looks like a good read. it is a very, very entertaining book (probably the most interesting book i ever read) but i found that it was a very imformative read as well.
i felt like i was making progress just by reading it.

My friend sent me a PDF of one of these books. I know it's around here somewhere...

I just want to be clear though. I'm not interested in hooking up with a lot of chicks. I just want to be in a relationship. I'll never be the type of guy who brings random girls home. I don't want to be that guy.


Quote:
Originally Posted by Best Person in America View Post
If you've been described as being cute then it's probably just a matter of confidence. Make eye contact with girls. The first things girls notice is eye contact. I can't tell you how many times I've just stared at a girl and she either smiles at me, giving me an opening to come chat with her, or she actually walks over and talks to me, or even sometimes they will motion me over to them with their finger.

Also be honest with them. If you haven't been with any girls don't try to fool them by acting like you're experienced. Tell them your situation and they will listen and I'm sure there are plenty of girls out there who would get turned on knowing they are the first to kiss you or fuck you.

I am fairly honest about myself/experience. I don't exactly flaunt it but if someone asks, I don't lie about it. People usually just react with disbelief... really? etc. It's awkward to say the least. I think it changes people's opinion of me even though they might have known me for a long time and not a single time have they seen me with a girl on my arm, haha.


Quote:
Originally Posted by theNoid View Post
The second you stop caring is the second you become attractive.

Maybe. When I was younger I didn't care and I never thought about girls. Look where that got me!


You guys are right though. I have to be more confident. It's just not as easy for a person like me as you make it sound.
Old 06-24-2009, 01:53 PM 1999 is offline  
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I'm not funny. At all. I'm not a good story teller.

First off, don't give up on indie music, hah. If you like something, you like it. That's what makes you unique. Plus, if your friends can't respect what you listen to or accept you for who you are, you're hanging out with the wrong people.

I'm willing to bet you're better at a lot of things that you doubt yourself in. Your willingness to exert who you are rather than a guy who is blatantly available is what most likely makes you unattractive.
Old 06-24-2009, 02:12 PM mainbrotha is offline  
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What I was getting at was you should be talking to women you take classes with, but now I think your disinterest in the curriculum is clear to them. Not even an issue in high school, unimportant in undergrad, probably meaningful in med school, seemed important as a grad student in the humanities.

Grasping at straws to help here, but do try to forget tout court the short girl who called you short.
Old 06-24-2009, 03:03 PM Stanch is offline  
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First off, don't give up on indie music, hah. If you like something, you like it. That's what makes you unique. Plus, if your friends can't respect what you listen to or accept you for who you are, you're hanging out with the wrong people.

I'm willing to bet you're better at a lot of things that you doubt yourself in. Your willingness to exert who you are rather than a guy who is blatantly available is what most likely
makes you unattractive.

That was years ago and I've moved on. Don't care about music as much anymore.

BTW, what does that last sentence mean? I'm not sure I understand exactly what you are saying.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Stanch View Post
What I was getting at was you should be talking to women you take classes with, but now I think your disinterest in the curriculum is clear to them. Not even an issue in high school, unimportant in undergrad, probably meaningful in med school, seemed important as a grad student in the humanities.

Grasping at straws to help here, but do try to forget tout court the short girl who called you short.

There aren't that many available girls at school to be perfectly honest. The ones I sort of became friends with all have boyfriends (some are even married which I suppose is to be expected at my age), and the ones who don't, avoid contact outside of class unless they need something from me (like the girl I asked out to the movies). I'm not the type of guy they are looking for. Probably not "masculine" enough. Anyway, I'm far more likely to meet someone outside of class. Most of my friends are people I met outside of class.

Maybe I should go into therapy again. Talking about this and seeing all my experiences with women laid out in front of me is depressing as hell.
Old 06-24-2009, 05:52 PM 1999 is offline  
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jaredballer
 
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Being short and unfunny doesn't really have anything to do with it to be honest.

I am pretty tall, hit the gym a lot and I am the funniest guy in my major by most people's standards.

Yet I am 20 and never kissed a girl, so those traits don't have shit to do with it.
Old 06-24-2009, 06:19 PM jaredballer is offline  
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That was years ago and I've moved on. Don't care about music as much anymore.

BTW, what does that last sentence mean? I'm not sure I understand exactly what you are saying.

I'm saying that the way you exert yourself to females probably screams "i want a girlfriend", and in the way that they don't find attractive. You have to make it seem like you're getting along just fine without a "better half."
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Maybe. When I was younger I didn't care and I never thought about girls. Look where that got me!

I should have said that better. Go out, meet girls, get numbers but overall stop caring about the result. Not in avoid type manner, but in a fearless type manner. Be the guy in the room who is having a blast w/o having to care about getting phone numbers. You will see the numbers will come to you. Most women bask in attention but crave a man who makes them work for it.
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