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Dongboy
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I figure i'll chime in on this huge post-a-thon

I've only skimmed a bunch of the posts but I think I can relate pretty heavily to whats going on it here and I've since "fixed" my problem - figured i'd lend my way out.

I was always the quiet fat kid growing up and it took me until after my first relationship (which I got walked all over in) to realize that wasn't who I wanted to be.

it took waking up one day and deciding I wasn't going to be that person anymore - some online material helped the mindset but really it was just entirely deciding to stop cold turkey complaining about myself and otherwise being unhappy.

it took maybe a month of correcting myself whenever I would do it and after that it was automatic - instead of voicing I did something wrong or other personal dislike I more or less built an ego up from nothing and with that came being more outgoing - more outgoing meant talking to women was easier.

I did the go out everywhere all the time - the "normal" places where girls go - bars, clubs, etc - I slowly learned that if I went somewhere for the purpose of meeting women I usually didn't have a good time - the best girls I would meet would be at places I was enjoying myself at - not a dance club trying to grind up on some generic girl - more of a bar or a party where I could actually talk to them, make a snarky remark or somilar.

it's amazing how fast the girls appear when you aren't looking for them - I seriously didn't believe it until I saw it happen time and time again.

now i'm a cocky outgoing guy (who still is pretty bad about actually asking a girl out but i'll talk to them all day long) - an entirely different person and the majority of it took one thing - stop putting myself down and the rest fell into place - as spanxxx and others said - love yourself first - it's really accurate.

not to say that whatever other motivation you need to love yourself - use it - look at that smoking hot model picture before you think of putting youself down and tell yourself she wouldn't date someone that puts himself down - whatever it takes - doing something for an outside of yourself reason can be good if you use it as leverage or motivation - soon enough it'll become internal and you wont even realize it
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Old 07-17-2009, 04:50 PM Dongboy is offline  
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[H]ard|On
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Originally Posted by 1999 View Post
Ugh. I'm so tired of being such a little bitch. I just want to kick my own ass and scream at my self to get it together. I'm not even talking about girls specifically. I need to stop taking myself so seriously and stop being such an emotional bitch.

I will be honest in that I didn't read much of this thread, but I think you have just answered your own question. This is the reason drugs 'make you cool' - they don't directly, but smoking some herb once in a while will let you take things in from a different place. It helps separate that which is truly important frmo the nonsense. Now whether you already smoke or not is irrelevant, I was just musing about how sometimes people can get caught in a cyclical depression of self loathing almost.

Girls: I think it's good to get one or two 'long term' flings of a couple years under your belt as well as some quick two-weekenders. Being with someone just to be with someone is a sign of dependence and fear of being alone. In other words there are girls you'd fuck, but are you really missing out because you feel someone in particular is a perfect match for you? On the whole, it's the same as the meaning of life itself - are you happy? If not, do what you must to make yourself happy. No, you shouldn't be worried about not being in a relationship. However if you're craving something that you're unable to get and this is lowering your level of satisfaction with life you may consider making small changes in lifestyle, attitude and company you keep. If nothing else you'll end up fucking some random chicks and realize you're not actually missing all that much.

For instance - I'm thankfully over chasing random girls. It takes a really amazing one to peak my interest. I'm still down to party, just saying I won't go out of my way just to get laid, or worse yet have some chick around to sit on my nerves. I would rather be single my whole life than put up with someone I don't actually love.
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Old 07-18-2009, 03:10 PM [H]ard|On is offline  
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ant_tracker
 
The whole "Ignore women and they'll swarm you" doesn't work for us short guys. We're basically invisible to women
Old 07-19-2009, 01:35 AM ant_tracker is offline  
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ScumBag
 
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The whole "Ignore women and they'll swarm you" doesn't work for us short guys. We're basically invisible to women

That motto doesn't work for anybody unless you're rich and famous. I'm tall and fairly good looking and women don't swarm to me... you have to approach them, it's always been like that and always will be...
Old 07-19-2009, 07:58 AM ScumBag is offline  
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That motto doesn't work for anybody unless you're rich and famous. I'm tall and fairly good looking and women don't swarm to me... you have to approach them, it's always been like that and always will be...

Naw brah, women pursue men all the time at parties and such. You don't have to be rich or famous but attractive yes. It just depends on your environment.
Old 07-19-2009, 12:49 PM chronage is offline  
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Dongboy
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Naw brah, women pursue men all the time at parties and such. You don't have to be rich or famous but attractive yes. It just depends on your environment.

just as guys persue different types of women so do women. to say that girls straight up don't talk to or persue short guys is stupid - if something that peaks their interest is something you're doing/have they'll be attracted to you just the same - sure, it might be a hindrance but so can being stupid, having a mole, or any other foibles that every person has
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Old 07-19-2009, 08:24 PM Dongboy is offline  
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ScumBag
 
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Naw brah, women pursue men all the time at parties and such. You don't have to be rich or famous but attractive yes. It just depends on your environment.

I've had girls show interest but they are usually very subtle hints and you have to pickup on them. I guess it depends on your definition of pursue. I'm also usually wary of girls that chase too hard...
Old 07-19-2009, 08:40 PM ScumBag is offline  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Tongboy View Post
I figure i'll chime in on this huge post-a-thon

I've only skimmed a bunch of the posts but I think I can relate pretty heavily to whats going on it here and I've since "fixed" my problem - figured i'd lend my way out.

I was always the quiet fat kid growing up and it took me until after my first relationship (which I got walked all over in) to realize that wasn't who I wanted to be.

it took waking up one day and deciding I wasn't going to be that person anymore - some online material helped the mindset but really it was just entirely deciding to stop cold turkey complaining about myself and otherwise being unhappy.

it took maybe a month of correcting myself whenever I would do it and after that it was automatic - instead of voicing I did something wrong or other personal dislike I more or less built an ego up from nothing and with that came being more outgoing - more outgoing meant talking to women was easier.

I did the go out everywhere all the time - the "normal" places where girls go - bars, clubs, etc - I slowly learned that if I went somewhere for the purpose of meeting women I usually didn't have a good time - the best girls I would meet would be at places I was enjoying myself at - not a dance club trying to grind up on some generic girl - more of a bar or a party where I could actually talk to them, make a snarky remark or somilar.

it's amazing how fast the girls appear when you aren't looking for them - I seriously didn't believe it until I saw it happen time and time again.

now i'm a cocky outgoing guy (who still is pretty bad about actually asking a girl out but i'll talk to them all day long) - an entirely different person and the majority of it took one thing - stop putting myself down and the rest fell into place - as spanxxx and others said - love yourself first - it's really accurate.

not to say that whatever other motivation you need to love yourself - use it - look at that smoking hot model picture before you think of putting youself down and tell yourself she wouldn't date someone that puts himself down - whatever it takes - doing something for an outside of yourself reason can be good if you use it as leverage or motivation - soon enough it'll become internal and you wont even realize it

Fantastic post. A+++.

Pretty much every word of this post is exactly as I would have put it, but better :P. LOVE YOURSELF FIRST. Unfortunately you probably won't understand it until you are already there. Just remember, you can either stay in your comfort zone forever and live a moderately happy life, or you can take a leap and find something amazing. The latter might hurt along the way, but that is just how you learn.
Old 07-19-2009, 11:01 PM yoj is offline  
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theNoid
 
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That motto doesn't work for anybody unless you're rich and famous. I'm tall and fairly good looking and women don't swarm to me... you have to approach them, it's always been like that and always will be...

I never approached any of the women I've met in my years. My friends and I always walked into a room, and owned it. Our swagger, our confidence oozed off of us mainly because we just didn't give two shits about what anyone thought. When the music started, we'd be the first to hit the floor acting like complete idiots but having fun through it all.

We would always, always get approached by women.

Its not about 'ignoring' its about simply just not giving a shit and all of sudden you're the 1 guy in the room who isn't staring at the tits on the hottest girl. It doesn't always work, but the second you stop caring, it certainly becomes easier. Ever hear those stories about guys who can NEVER find girls, then once they're in a relationship... girls are all over them?

Its because they simply stopped caring, and that vibe resonates.
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Old 07-20-2009, 10:46 AM theNoid is offline  
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x-naga
 
Not to discourage anyone from contributing, but I've been watching this thread, and most of you taking a shot at fixing his problem with what you think the best solution is.

There is no solution to his problem. Eventually there will be a day where either he meets a girl he can't resist and will go after her regardless of the outcome, or he will get fed up of being single and actually do something about it rather than complaining about it on an internet forum.

I'm 24 and in the same boat he is, and many others. I'm fully confident, and I don't care about my appearance. Why haven't I met a girl by now? Because I haven't done anything about it. Yes, I've read all the books in the world, all the pick-up artists BS, and all the psychology books you can think of. At the end of the day, all that shit is useless if you don't apply it. I guess I'm just not desperate enough to follow through and I'm sure he is the same.

I think Tongboy had the experience I'm describing. Woke up one morning and decided enough was enough and did whatever he had to do to make it happen. When you know what you want, you will be determined to get it. If you're not determined enough, then you probably don't really want it.

Cheers!
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Old 07-20-2009, 01:03 PM x-naga is offline  
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RazorWind
 
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Naw brah, women pursue men all the time at parties and such. You don't have to be rich or famous but attractive yes. It just depends on your environment.

The pickup artists like to refer to this as "higher value." It's not that you have to be rich or famous or physically attractive. Rather, it's that you have to be perceived as desirable, which can be accomplished in a variety of ways.
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Old 07-20-2009, 01:17 PM RazorWind is offline  
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x-naga
 
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The pickup artists like to refer to this as "higher value." It's not that you have to be rich or famous or physically attractive. Rather, it's that you have to be perceived as desirable, which can be accomplished in a variety of ways.

Sure, if the women you want is a shallow materialistic bimbo (which probably 99% of the girls that go to nightclubs or bars).
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Old 07-20-2009, 01:19 PM x-naga is offline  
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1999
 
Interesting to see this thread still going.

I'll give you a bit of an update.

I finally went on a date... sort of... this girl hinted that she liked me in a very direct way after we hung out (i.e. "I think you are cute") and I asked her if she wanted to go out on a Friday night. She said yes but when Friday rolled around she began to show signs of hesitation. Rather than give up on her I just asked her if she would prefer not to go out and just hang out at her place. She agreed and I went over to her place and chilled. We later went out to dinner and later went to her friends house for a "yoga party." It was an interesting night. Many new experiences for me. At the end of the night however we parted ways and I went home. We just hugged and that was it.

I am not sure what her impression of me was. I think she thinks I'm cute but she didn't seem very interested in anything I had to say about anything which sucks because that means she is not interested in my personality (I was the one asking her questions and initiating conversation at dinner and at the party I was kind of on my own for the most part). I haven't talked to her since but I'm thinking about sending her a message on FB to find out how she is. We probably won't date but I still consider her a friend.

I'm not really thinking about any specific woman in any direct way right now. I had this talk with my parents the other day and they started asking me about dating/relationships again and it made me really depressed. I mean, the gist of what my parents were saying was "you are a great guy and you would make any girl happy." To me, when I hear that, I think, "but no one else seems to agree with you." You see, I know many women. I know so many single women and women who are looking to be in relationships. We are well acquainted yet none of them consider me as a guy they would like to date even as they fight over some other guy that doesn't reciprocate what they want out of a relationship. As in, they would rather complain to me about some other guy than consider dating me instead. I'm not in anyway trying to suggest that I am the perfect guy or that I would actually be interested in pursuing these women but you have to understand that to someone like me who is always rejected, it's very confusing and difficult to come to terms with always being overlooked; whatever the real reason may be. It is like the scene in The Duchess when the title character realizes that her husband would rather sleep with every other woman than her and she laments, "what is wrong with me?" That's exactly how I feel about the situation.
Old 07-20-2009, 04:27 PM 1999 is offline  
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jaredballer
 
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well congrats on that "date"

and you can change yourself so all the single girls you know will like you, it's up to you and its about not giving a shit and just being outgoing. I think you can't change slowly with things like this, you gotta have a big shakeup and come out a completely different person. Sometimes certain events do that for people.

You also shouldn't SHOW them or try to IMPRESS them that you changed once you have changed. They should be able to notice and that's when the "magic happens". I had a long talk with my friend today who was in a similar situation and now has a really good relationship simply because he stopped caring and became himself. He didn't want to impress anyone or want to be better than anyone. Things just fell in place.
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Old 07-21-2009, 05:02 PM jaredballer is offline  
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I've had girls show interest but they are usually very subtle hints and you have to pickup on them. I guess it depends on your definition of pursue. I'm also usually wary of girls that chase too hard...

Bingo.

Girls that chase too hard this is my X all the way. She sees something so goes for it. She's the type that needs to be in a relationship. She jumps from guy to guy. Most of the time a chick like this has another motive behind it that is driving her. In her case she wants and needs a sugar daddy cause she's not smart enough to survive on her own. Those unless you just want a easy lay for a couple months. Stay away from. I learned the hard way.
Old 07-21-2009, 05:37 PM PreDatoR is offline  
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