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assplow
 
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after reading the o.p.- she was with a BF until she decided you were good enough/better to be with so ditched the other guy and came to you................ it is likely a pattern for her, thus it is now happening or starting to happen for her, but she has very little to actually complain about/concrete reasons to be mad at you. so you get the "we dont have enough time now, or later, blah blah"
might as well tell you "its not you, its me" routine

just an opinion of course, but i am surprised no one else mentioned this yet.
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Old 09-07-2010, 02:17 PM assplow is offline  
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WILLIAM NOT
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after reading the o.p.- she was with a BF until she decided you were good enough/better to be with so ditched the other guy and came to you................ it is likely a pattern for her, thus it is now happening or starting to happen for her, but she has very little to actually complain about/concrete reasons to be mad at you. so you get the "we dont have enough time now, or later, blah blah"
might as well tell you "its not you, its me" routine

just an opinion of course, but i am surprised no one else mentioned this yet.
Possible but highly unlikely considering the situation.
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Old 09-07-2010, 02:55 PM WILLIAM NOT is offline  
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Your gf is extremely needy, not very independent and isn't thinking like a rational adult. All of these combined will probably lead to the end of the relationship, and the sooner that happens the sooner you'll find someone who can appreciate the little things in life.

You don't want someone who can't go more than 2 days without you, its what we call a 'red flag'. Emotional dependence is one of the biggest turn offs as you get older and you'll start to notice a pattern where people who are emotionally dependent start to magnetize towards one another.

Try your best to be reasonable, get over the small apartment issues and when the relationship runs its course (because unless you're getting married, it will) move on to someone who sees issues with a common eye.
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Old 09-07-2010, 03:04 PM theNoid is offline  
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assplow
 
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Possible but highly unlikely considering the situation.

i dunno man, re read the o.p. and see what ya think. to me if the root of the problem was that 'he didnt sleep there/see her enough, (in my experience anyway) she may complain, but her goal would ultimately to be together, not 'im done' -even if shes frustrated with w/e already and the situation theyre in just tops it off for her.

of course i dont know anyone involved at all, and i dont want to be negative or lump his thread in with the 'just boot the crazy' typical answers, but i re-read the o p just to be sure i actually read what i thought i read and it still sounds to me as if:

its sugar coated,intentionally or emotionally

or there are other people involved he is just not aware of yet


edit: if REALLY, the apartment thing is such a huge problem for whatever reason, and he really feels for her, then imho he should compromise and it would be fixed. otherwise i think we just dont see the whole story from her end or something :\

post edit-edit: emotions are a helluva drug :/
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Old 09-07-2010, 03:19 PM assplow is offline  
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I think this post might be hinting that perhaps she feels like all you do is sleep together (you only mention nights where you see her). Maybe it'd be worth making an effort to see her more during the day (and yeah, it may also be smart to try and sleep over there more often -- doing whatever you can to make it more comfortable for you).

Other than that, it sounds like you're really bad at listening or she's really bad at explaining what is bothering her. You need to explain to her that you need to understand what is bothering her in order for you to even potentially address the issue. Like others have said, communication is key and it sounds like she may be pretty immature.

edit: has she explained why she doesn't like sleeping at your place every night? If not, ask her. It amazes me that you make a thread about her complaints but you don't seem to know why she has these complaints in the first place.

edit2: read more of your replies -- seems like you're doing what needs to be done. Some couples find it helpful to, on a regular basis (once a week or whatever), have a chat about things the other could do to help. Might be awkward at first, but it may give her a more regular outlet so she doesn't save it all up and explode.

If she's uncomfortable at your place, try and fix that. I have my own pillow at my gf's place that solved that for me.

I'm trying to be positive in thinking that she might actually be desiring of them hanging out and doing more things of substance than just "hanging out." But the career statement she made seems like the immature sort of thing.

If you can make time to do things with her, she might back off a little bit. If she just wants to "be with you" more, then that's probably the clingy red flag I mentioned before. From what I gather, she isn't very constructive in your conversations. You're being completely rational and it seems like you're trying to find a place to compromise at, but she certainly isn't being helpful.

Take that perspective and think about whether or not she's worth it.
Old 09-07-2010, 07:21 PM mainbrotha is offline  
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Take that perspective and think about whether or not she's worth it.

I think she definitely is. We talked about it some more last night and I think we are good again. I appreciate all the help.
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Old 09-08-2010, 08:25 AM Potato is offline  
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theWITNESS
 
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For what it's worth, my girlfriend is in the same situation. However, her school is a 2.5 hour drive away. I try to do it every other week or so and she comes down when I can't.

Single bed, all-girls residence, me being sneaky going in and out, it's not the best situation.

Point being, if you like her, suck it up. You can't live a luxurious lifestyle in college; you make do. If you think she's worth the wait ("omg i wanna spend my life with her"), then suck it up and deal with it.
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Old 09-08-2010, 01:08 PM theWITNESS is offline  
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