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TheRealScott
 
yeah I wonder as well. we'll have to get some PDOs first since we have conflicting schedules for something like that.

Still haven't gotten my testosterone checked yet, but I told my girlfriend about that and we are setting an appointment for that today.

you guys have been rather helpful thanks. i'll keep you updated
Old 09-24-2010, 09:53 AM TheRealScott is offline  
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Artesial
 
My libido definitely tanks when I'm stressed from work/home life. At first my girlfriend didn't understand and assumed it was her but once the stress went away she realized it wasn't

Either way, keep up the with communication and you guys will make things work I'm sure.
Old 09-24-2010, 09:57 AM Artesial is offline  
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sneetch
 
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I'm glad to hear things may be on an upswing. Good luck.
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Old 09-24-2010, 03:40 PM sneetch is offline  
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#48  

RiderOnTheStorm
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Also, for the OP and anyone else who's interested, this is a book about a guy who had a prolactin-secreting tumor that destroyed his sex drive and lots of other stuff. Not that the OP is near the point the author is, but I still found it interesting.

http://www.amazon.com/Man-Made-Memoi...5370875&sr=1-1
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Old 09-24-2010, 04:31 PM RiderOnTheStorm is offline  
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#49  

Trachei
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRealScott View Post
I've been dating a chick for 1 year and living with her for 2 months. I love her to death and don't see myself with anyone else.

Now here is me. I've never really enjoyed sex. It feels good to orgasm, but it has always been a meh kind of thing. I find it to be more work than pleasure (I'm always on top, always doing all the work, sweating my ass off to make it as pleasurable as possible for her).

Now for her. she loves sex. she would like it 2 times a day. She even uses it as a stress reliever and often times comes home from work at 10pm and wants it because of a bad long day of work, whereas it is the end of the day, I'm tired from work and would much rather sleep.

I've told her that I'm just not as sexual of a person as she is and she immediately questions my sexuality ("are you gay") and immediately questions if I've been cheating on her or simply that I don't find her attractive anymore (shes had our baby and gained weight and said, "how much weight do I need to lose for you to like me again") I assure her I love her body and what is important is that she is healthy.

So all that has come from sex with her is frustration and arguments for the both of us.

I guess what I'm hoping to get from you guys is some insight into the situation based on your experiences. Do you think a serious relationship can work if both partners aren't sexually-intuned with each other?

I'm probably forgetting some things so feel free to inquire further. THANKS

Sex isn't about "love". You either find her ATTRACTIVE or you don't. Don't fucking lie to her and say you think she's fine when she isn't. She straight up asked you if she needed to lose weight, and you try to protect her out of some weird love .

If she's too fat for you, TELL HER.

If you aren't getting hard thinkin about taggin that ass, then be a man and tell her.
Old 09-25-2010, 01:35 PM Trachei is offline  
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Trachei
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheRealScott View Post
I am 5'11" and 160 lbs. always been a small framed guy with most of my weight in my lower body. I don't smoke or drink alcohol or take any form of medications other than a multivitamin. I get the necessary macro nutrients, but I am still lacking in some of the micro nutrients (like potassium and niacin). I exercise regularly and try to drink atleast 64 oz of water a day and get atleast 7 hours of sleep a day.

With that said, I'm not clinically depressed, but it is easy for my gf to upset me at times. not even huge things usually, but i chalk that up to me actually truly caring what she thinks of me and thus i become hyper critical of myself sometimes.

Are you hitting the gym? If not, you could have low testosterone. Inactivity is a big factor in sex drive.
Old 09-25-2010, 01:37 PM Trachei is offline  
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Forever Domon
 
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You're a pretty terrible person Trachei
Old 09-25-2010, 01:38 PM Forever Domon is offline  
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Trachei
 
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Originally Posted by domonbaylespam View Post
You're a pretty terrible person Trachei

??? Honesty is terrible?

I guess you would rather be lied to? Insecurity issues!

edit: If a girl asks me if she needs to lose weight, I'll tell her. If I think she's hot, she's hot. If she has cottage cheese thighs and wonders why men aren't looking at her or wanting her, I don't tell her, "you're such a nice person and anyone would be lucky to have you! (just not me)".

Keep it real and life is suddenly A LOT easier. This PC about not having feelings hurt is how people get in these weird funks of not knowing what's wrong. I tell my friend back home, who is going through a divorce now, to fucking pound the gym. He calls me asking for advice on how to get girls, and every time, I ask if he hit the gym yet. If he tells me no, I tell him you're gonna have a shit time getting a hot girl.

I'm a horrible person, yet, I'm the only person who will tell people the truth. Who's more horrible, the friends perpetuating feel good PC that leaves a person depressed, or someone who gets people out of their mind games that they put themselves in.

edit2: And one more thing. This is especially true for people close to me. I count on the people close to me to keep it the realist. Shit, that's why their close to me. I trust them to give me an honest damn answer and not lie to me. Isn't that what your friends and family are for? To keep you in check?

Last edited by Trachei; 09-25-2010 at 02:16 PM..
Old 09-25-2010, 01:40 PM Trachei is offline  
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#53  

TheRealScott
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Trachei View Post
Sex isn't about "love". You either find her ATTRACTIVE or you don't. Don't fucking lie to her and say you think she's fine when she isn't. She straight up asked you if she needed to lose weight, and you try to protect her out of some weird love .

If she's too fat for you, TELL HER.

If you aren't getting hard thinkin about taggin that ass, then be a man and tell her.

I am attracted to her. I find my eyes being drown down to her thighs and ass and boobs (especially when she is naked). there is nothing more arousing to me than my girlfriend's naked quivering body after I've fucked her to orgasm. That is the one aspect of sex I enjoy; seeing my girlfriend shake, writhe, and moan out uncontrollably and knowing that it is because of me. However, like I said, on a physical level, sex doesn't do much for me. So I would disagree, sex is about love and it is because I love her I continue to have sex even when it is kind of meh for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Trachei View Post
Are you hitting the gym? If not, you could have low testosterone. Inactivity is a big factor in sex drive.

I don't necessarily hit the gym, but I run sprints 2 days outta the week and then do compound exercises 2 days out of the week. I know there is a difference between physical movement and exercise, but I'd also say my lifestyle is rather active on its own. Ever since the baby entered the picture there has been much less "me" time where I sit behind a computer and play a videogame or watch a movie. I am always running around doing something related to the kid (going to child-geared events, running out at night for some diapers/wipes, etc) As a result I've went down 2 inches in waist. Then when that is all said in done, at the end of the night, the gf wants some sex and i'm typically sweating head-to-toe consequently.
Old 09-25-2010, 02:50 PM TheRealScott is offline  
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#54  

cokezeroholic
 
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If there were no real attachments then it wouldn't be that huge of a deal, but there's a kid involved and it adds more weight to the relationship. Hell, go talk to a sex therapist so she can really hear what you have to say without immediately questioning your sexuality.
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Old 09-25-2010, 06:52 PM cokezeroholic is offline  
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#55  

jandar
 
Libido's come and go. I've gone from being the one wanting sex all the time, to my wife wanting it all the time now. I went from sleeping with way too many, and as often as possible, to going once a month just to keep the wife from killing me.

Outside factors can influence one more than you think. And yes, regardless of what other "macho" guys think, low sex drives happen for anyone anytime. Just because you don't chase ass all day doesn't make you any less a person.
Society is too hung up on the notion that when a woman wants sex, the guy must jump up and say sure. Life doesn't work that way.


And wtf do I know? All I know is after 13 years with the same woman, the sex is still good, even if one of us goes through times where the desire is not there.
Old 09-26-2010, 06:39 AM jandar is offline  
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#56  

thescapeman
 
Don't listen to Trachei (Atleast not all of the time).... he's just in one of those "macho stages" we all go through where he thinks he's everything every woman on the face of the earth ever wanted ... Not that you don't have some good advice...

Anyways I am glad things are working, and I hope you can hit the gym and get yourself back in to shape...

Lifestyle building is a choice. I highly suggest seeing what you can do to tone down your commitments and eliminate stress. We, as a society, seem to have this "always on" mentality that is basically killing us with stress. Seek some alone time for just yourself. Go on a camping trip alone or with a few good buddies. Take a walk in the park some afternoons. Spend some time alone with your girlfriend. Be silent. Be relaxed.

The most successful people in life aren't the ones running around doing everything, pleasing everyone, and sucking up to every person in their life. They are focused, but not a robot. They have fun, but they know why they are doing what they are doing, and they don't overextend themselves.
Old 09-26-2010, 08:31 AM thescapeman is offline  
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coalesce
 
Ehh, Trachei said what I was thinking pretty much. That and that you don't come off as a very assertive person, which in my opinion has delayed this conflict resolution.
Old 09-26-2010, 08:38 AM coalesce is offline  
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