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Wookey
A Jackal, Jackal? Its a Jackal. It looks like a Jackal. Jackal. Jackal?
 
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Online dating sites. Any luck?

Ok, so about a year ago I made an account, while I was trying to get over this one relationship. I got nothing out of it. It felt like a waste of time, and money. So I stopped paying for it.

About a month ago I started back up. I updated my profile a bit, and added some better pictures. Since I haven't been on there for awhile there must of been a ton of new girls on there; and that there was.

So I'm decided to email a couple of them. Got no response back, it was going as smooth as the last time I was on here. Then this girl emails me, we talk for weeks, we meet, I'm not impressed. It was a swing and miss. During the time talking to her, I was still emailing other girls, I'm getting no responses back, none.

Now, my sister has a friend who is on there too. She told my sister that she gets TONS of emails from guys everyday. She doesn't have time to read them all, so what she does is just deletes half of them. Kind of rude if you ask me. A simple reply if your interested or not would be nice.

Ok, so from my stand point if a girl emails you, you might have a chance. If you email her most likely she won't even read it. So no matter what, sending an email is most likely pointless. Now, I'm not emailing them saying "Hey you're hot, what's your number?" haha no. I tried different techniques on emailing them. At first I made some comments on their profile, or ask them a question. Since that didn't seem to work I thought more a direct approach, but nothing too creepy. That didn't work either.

So I'm stumped, I had one girl talking to me, I wasn't interested. I email others, and get nothing.

Has anyone had any luck on these things? If so, is there a learning curve? lol

Thanks.
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Old 04-17-2010, 02:55 PM Wookey is offline  
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Cannondale
 
An interesting social experiment but pretty useless.

I find you need to make yourself stand out in the profile and in message contact. Amusing subject lines like 'smelly feet' or 'bacon sandwiches' will be more likely read than 'hi' or'you're cute'.

As for the message body, it has to be playful banter which again is different.

I would imagine i've mailed 200+ and had 10 replies, met 3. Fucked 1 straight away though but that was an anomaly.

I wouldn't waste your time.
Old 04-17-2010, 03:19 PM Cannondale is offline  
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seiferguy
 
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I've met 12 different girls through the internet (dated a couple of them, most I usually didn't go past a 2nd date), so I think I have some experience in the field.

First off, what site are you using? If you think you're not getting responses, either try a new site (a free site, preferably, okcupid is my favorite), or your profile probably turns people off. Have someone look it over, to make sure that it's well written, you have a decent picture, and you're not talking yourself down or anything.

Secondly, the reason girls get so many emails is that there's much more guys on the site than girls, and the fact is, is that no matter how hard you try, some girls aren't going to respond to your email. You just have to be vigilant in messaging people you like. Online dating is really a crap-shoot, so even if you meet up with someone, you might be disappointed.

Last, I wouldn't have too many messages sent back and forth before you arrange a meeting. I try to meet up with people as soon as I feel comfortable doing it. Meet somewhere public, with people around (coffee shops are the best at this).

Good luck, though. I have fun dating online, which is why I continue doing it for some reason.
Old 04-17-2010, 03:27 PM seiferguy is offline  
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Wookey
A Jackal, Jackal? Its a Jackal. It looks like a Jackal. Jackal. Jackal?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cannondale View Post
An interesting social experiment but pretty useless.

I find you need to make yourself stand out in the profile and in message contact. Amusing subject lines like 'smelly feet' or 'bacon sandwiches' will be more likely read than 'hi' or'you're cute'.

As for the message body, it has to be playful banter which again is different.

I would imagine i've mailed 200+ and had 10 replies, met 3. Fucked 1 straight away though but that was an anomaly.

I wouldn't waste your time.

I don't want to turn a girl off, so my subject lines are "Hello there" or "Hi". Sometimes I add a smiley face. But I can see your point, you need to get their attention. I can usually come up with some clever to say about their profile that would make me laugh if I heard it.

Yea, I can see you didn't have much luck either. I'm not where near 200, yet. I don't know if I'll be sticking around long enough for that.


Quote:
Originally Posted by seiferguy View Post
I've met 12 different girls through the internet (dated a couple of them, most I usually didn't go past a 2nd date), so I think I have some experience in the field.

First off, what site are you using? If you think you're not getting responses, either try a new site (a free site, preferably, okcupid is my favorite), or your profile probably turns people off. Have someone look it over, to make sure that it's well written, you have a decent picture, and you're not talking yourself down or anything.

Secondly, the reason girls get so many emails is that there's much more guys on the site than girls, and the fact is, is that no matter how hard you try, some girls aren't going to respond to your email. You just have to be vigilant in messaging people you like. Online dating is really a crap-shoot, so even if you meet up with someone, you might be disappointed.

Last, I wouldn't have too many messages sent back and forth before you arrange a meeting. I try to meet up with people as soon as I feel comfortable doing it. Meet somewhere public, with people around (coffee shops are the best at this).

Good luck, though. I have fun dating online, which is why I continue doing it for some reason.

I'm using Match.com. I updated my profile recently, I find it to be a good profile, doesn't make me look arrogant, cheap, or depressing. I asked my sister if she can look over my profile (get a girls opinion on it) so we can go over some changes, when she has a chance. My pictures are entertaining, I have many where I'm being social, and funny, and what looks like to me to be fun and exciting. I also have a couple where I'm laid back relaxing as well.

Yea, I was thinking that too. So for fun I made a free match.com profile, and checked some guys profiles out. Many of them had obvious spelling errors, and what seemed to me like all jocks. They talked nothing but sports, or sporting events. If they are getting all the emails, then I definitely need to change my profile. I feel woman have the huge upper hand in this, and I'm paying for them to "wink" or email me at their convenience.

The last girl I talked to, we talked for about a week (emails back and forth), then we gave phone numbers out and txted for a week or so. I suggested we meet at a coffee shop, we did. It went 'ok' she was a nervous wreck, and didn't talk more than a few words. Still continued to txt, and scheduled another meet at a miniature golf course (I told her to pick the spot, hoping she would not be so nervous) it was fun, but I just couldn't feel anything with her. It was no hard feelings. Just a swing and a miss, I already shook it off.
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Old 04-17-2010, 05:06 PM Wookey is offline  
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seiferguy
 
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For the record, I wouldn't make any winks or woos or whatever it is Match.com uses. Girls prefer a message, and a good subject header better than "Hey" or "Hello" is going to get you more responses.

Basically, think of your profile as your resume, and your initial message as a cover letter to a job (albeit shorter). You want to make sure it's interesting, grabs their attention, and whatnot.

You get some funny stories with online dating though. I went out on a date with a girl, and the 2nd time around, I kissed her, and it ended up being her first kiss she ended up having serious anxiety issues (surprise surprise) so it ended pretty quickly though.
Old 04-17-2010, 10:48 PM seiferguy is offline  
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bingstudent
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On Okcupid you're able to see how often someone is messaged and how often they reply by checking their profile ... okcupid is also free and the people on it are pretty hot.
Old 04-17-2010, 11:00 PM bingstudent is offline  
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SmashingPumpkins
 
If you're not looking for a fat girl or someone with kids, spend the money on a good website (eharmony, match.com, etc)

If you do the cheap/free sites, your standards should be lowered accordingly.

I still don't think I could date someone off one of those websites. Good luck buddy
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Old 04-18-2010, 01:12 AM SmashingPumpkins is offline  
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I did match.com, paid etc.. I met some good girls, nothing ever came of it. Ended up meeting my wife on myspace of all places (few years ago, before FB took off). These days its silly not to use all the resources available to meet women. Online, in person, through friends/family. The days of being chuckled at for meeting someone online faded with the 90s.

Pro Tip : Free dating sites attract less serious folk, looking for either simple attention to boost their ego or casual sex. If you're serious about meeting someone and going on dates, stick with paid sites. The paid entry tends to filter out casuals.

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I still don't think I could date someone off one of those websites. Good luck buddy

But .. you're posting on the internet right now. You're one of them!! /chickenwithheadcutoff
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Old 04-18-2010, 11:17 AM theNoid is offline  
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RazorWind
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SmashingPumpkins View Post
If you're not looking for a fat girl or someone with kids, spend the money on a good website (eharmony, match.com, etc)

If you do the cheap/free sites, your standards should be lowered accordingly.

I still don't think I could date someone off one of those websites. Good luck buddy

This right here.

I tried Match and eHarmony. I hated Match.com because it made you write out a message immediately, as opposed to eHarmony, where they have a very structured process for introducing you to the other person before they let you write out an email to them. Instead of writing an email out intially, you send sets of multiple choice and short answer questions back and forth. It sounds lame, but I thought it actually worked pretty well.

The Match method, which seems to be the rule among all the other sites, including the free ones, has the distinct disadvantage of requiring a fairly significant outlay of time and effort in sending messages to potential matches with very little chance of a response. I probably sent out 50 emails, and got maybe 10 responses, met 1. Eharmony, on the other hand, requires only about 10 seconds of attention per match initially, meaning that you have way less invested when they don't respond.

Patience is definitely a virtue with this process, though. I wouldn't go in expecting it to take any less than a full year to meet someone you really connect with, but it certainly can happen.
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Old 04-18-2010, 11:25 AM RazorWind is offline  
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SmartDrv
 
In short, I think online dating sites are good to meet people when your current situation doesn't really offer much opportunity to do so. In my case, I didn't have a huge circle of friends, am not great at parties, no prospects at work (even if there were I always put coworkers off limits), not in university/college, etc.

I'll take the opposite stance on paid vs free. I found the paid websites to be shit - especially lavalife. Pay to make an initial contact and the woman at the other end can't even tell you to piss off cause she's not interested (it's free to reply). From the other side I later learned it's hard to turn down nice guys that just don't do much for you when it comes to looks but still.

I also don't buy "personality profiles" like eHarmony. Perhaps I'm totally wrong, but I don't think it is realistic to expect that two people are suited to each other just because they clicked similar options on a web form. I'll agree that you want to share some core values and a few interests but sometimes opposites attract (I'd say I fall into this category to some extent). It gives you something to talk about to see if you are potentially suited or not!

Went on PoF (free site) had a few dates, some good some meh. Last girl I met we clicked (and found out we had some common background - my mom and sister knew her family) and we will be married this July (which marks a little over 3 years since we met)

Hardest part I found with online dating is that I'm old school and don't care for the whole dating multiple people at once thing. I'd prefer not to feel like I'm guy 3 of 5 that she's gone out with that week but rather to date one person at at time and get to know them (unless of course there is zero attraction/connection after the first meeting). I just had to find people who felt this way too and in the end it worked.
Old 04-26-2010, 12:12 AM SmartDrv is offline  
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XJumper84
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Cannondale View Post

I would imagine i've mailed 100+ and had 7 replies, met 2. Fucked 1 straight away though but that was an anomaly.

I wouldn't waste your time.

fixt for my experiece with match.com


the one i fucked, we've been on many-a-dates, we go for walks, i have copy of her house key and car key for "safe keeping". my friends think that she and i are bf/gf, but we're not, still very much single.. or sorts.

i'm also on okcupid, but that sites is mostly fat chicks. i've met 2 people in real life, emailed a bunch of others. last one was HUGE... made my car tilt to one side, totally not worth it.
Old 04-26-2010, 02:35 AM XJumper84 is offline  
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plainsong
 
started using POF and match.com back in the day. met a couple of girls on POF but didnt really go far with that, just some casual sex. actually met a few girls off of match.com and eventually met my current GF on there. you need patience, and your profile needs to be who you are, not something made up. it may take a bit longer but will pay off in the long run if you are looking for a relationship. havent been on those sites since end of last year since i started dating my girl. good luck.
Old 04-26-2010, 07:21 AM plainsong is offline  
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bingstudent
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Quote:
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i'm also on okcupid, but that sites is mostly fat chicks. i've met 2 people in real life, emailed a bunch of others. last one was HUGE... made my car tilt to one side, totally not worth it.

what do you do when you meet her for the first time and she turns out to be way bigger than you expected based on her profile?
Old 04-26-2010, 03:58 PM bingstudent is offline  
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coalesce
 


I'm not very good at hiding my emotions. I would have a hard time hiding my shock/disgust and disappointment.
Old 04-26-2010, 08:17 PM coalesce is offline  
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s0me0nesmind1
 
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I'm not very good at hiding my emotions. I would have a hard time hiding my shock/disgust and disappointment.

I dunno what I would do. Probably speed off because I make damn sure to be known that honesty is my core value. Seriously - if you can't be honest where it says "Body type" or picture angles, go fuck yourself. Im not here to play games about how you really look. In all honestly, I study the shit out of pictures and if she has something to hide, you can usually tell by all of the pictures being the same (IE: Same angles, all face - no body, etc...) Pay attention to shoulders that can reveal fatty arms, though I'll admit mistakes can happen...
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