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crazyklown
 
w.t.f (re: me and girls)

so pretty much i'm absolutely terrible at making a move/conveying my feelings/going beyond anything casual.

women like me, they're comfortable around me, and like to talk to me. i'm actually aware of this too, so that should be great, no problems right? well...wrong.

i'm pretty solid at meeting girls when i get the balls to approach them, engaging them in conversation, etc but actually hitting on someone i'm genuinely attracted to? i pretty much implode, freeze up, or don't even try.

i can tell i'm nowhere near aggressive enough, i overanalyze stuff way too much, and i don't even compliment girls i'm attracted to for the fear of sounding creepy. which i realize is as retarded as it sounds, but i just think i'm going to fuck it up somehow. i give off the friends only vibe even before she's made the distinction.

this is more of a rant than anything, because i realize what all my issues are and that if i just suck it up and actually go in for it, i'll solve my dilemma. but i just can't for some reason, there's just this mental barrier that shuts me down when i actually give a shit about someone. and it blows so hard because it just results in missed opportunity after missed opportunity.

feel free to kick any advice my way, though.
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Old 08-16-2010, 06:33 PM crazyklown is offline  
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Scatman
 
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Have you tried having a couple drinks before hitting on a chick? In your case, it might help take the edge off.

But in the end, practice makes perfect.
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Old 08-16-2010, 09:55 PM Scatman is offline  
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how old are you?
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Old 08-17-2010, 12:34 AM Foolioq is offline  
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crazyklown
 
just turned 21
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Old 08-17-2010, 08:56 AM crazyklown is offline  
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Foolioq
 
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How did your parents raise you to treat women?
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Old 08-17-2010, 01:13 PM Foolioq is offline  
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crazyklown
 
pretty well and with respect. i've hooked up before and made the first move(not in the past year though) but it's been pretty much exclusively with girls i tend to stop talking to a couple weeks afterwards.

my problem is with girls that i like and i know like me...i just can never bring myself to actually move in.

case in point: girl from high school that i always had a thing for but could tell never really reciprocated, has been hitting me up all summer, we talk a few times a week for the past couple months now and we've hung out a few times.

in the past two weeks, she's invited me to her house at like 11pm to hang out and watch tv...twice. and both times i just kinda chill there, and we have a very good time, she's super comfortable, sits right next to me, playing with her hair, staring in my eyes, brushes up against me, all that good stuff but i keep it platonic for some stupid reason.
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Old 08-17-2010, 01:46 PM crazyklown is offline  
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Runding
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyklown View Post
in the past two weeks, she's invited me to her house at like 11pm to hang out and watch tv...twice. and both times i just kinda chill there, and we have a very good time, she's super comfortable, sits right next to me, playing with her hair, staring in my eyes, brushes up against me, all that good stuff but i keep it platonic for some stupid reason.

Dude, "some stupid reason"?

Have you had issues in the past with relationships? Do you not want to get burned again?

If not, just overcome your shyness. The only way to truly learn and grow(in my experience), is taking a step or two outside of your comfort zone. If you feel your heart about to burst out of your chest and you're nervous -- keep going. It's the only way you'll overcome this problem of yours.
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Old 08-17-2010, 03:02 PM Runding is offline  
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theNoid
 
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Basically, you are scared of girls. I'll repeat that ... you are scared of girls. All girls want to do is meet cool, outgoing, normal guys who will make them laugh. They are not out to judge you anymore than you would if meeting a new platonic male. Every day that you shelter yourself behind your fear of nothingness, there are other guys taking risk and figuring out that treating girls shouldn't differ than how you treat your male friends.

Well except girls dont have dicks.

I think every guy is in your shoes at one point in his life. However it takes a few failures and heartbreaks to really put things into perspective and remind you that everything you watch in movies, hear on the radio or especially what girls tell you is untrue. Interacting with women, asking them on dates should be as simple as asking for directions. If you build it up to something more than that, you are fabricating walls that dont need to exist. My advice is now that you're 21, get a couple of drinks in you ... loosen up and just ...

talk.

Use your better judgement of character, if it seems like a girl is responding to you.. dont turn that into a barrier. Just tell her, "I'd love to take you out sometime, a date.. you and me. Interested?" Keep it simple, and always make sure to show interest and label it as a "date". None of this "lets hang out" pansy business. "Some of my friends are coming over this weekend, you should come" ... couldn't do any more wrong than that. Girls don't want guys to half ass their way into their hearts, they simply just want a goddamn guy to take a chance, a date and to make her laugh. You wouldn't want a girl to half ass her share either, think about that. This is how you sort out the diamonds in the rough. Find the ones that will put in 100% .. and make damn sure you do the same.

Ask girls out, ask them on dates. Steer clear of text messaging outside of quick jabs. Swim upstream and be a normal guy that every other guy is too scared to be.

Be the man your grandfather once was and the girls will come to you.
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Last edited by theNoid; 08-17-2010 at 03:36 PM..
Old 08-17-2010, 03:24 PM theNoid is offline  
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crazyklown
 
i seriously love you guys sometimes. no joke.

thanks...i like hearing stuff like this, it helps a lot to have things laid out bluntly.
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Old 08-17-2010, 06:48 PM crazyklown is offline  
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crazyklown
 
edit: double post
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Old 08-17-2010, 06:49 PM crazyklown is offline  
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Classic case of pussy on the pedastal

Classic.

You interact with women you don't like well because you don't care subconsciously if you mess up. With women you DO like, you care on all levels because you judge your every move to try not to fuck up. In the process, you come off looking like another man with a vagina.

We men are hunters and beasts, not pussy little rabbits. We see something we want, we go for it, not sit around thinking about ways it could go wrong and finding neat ways to approach the problem.

Do you see lions dicking around with gazelles, no, they fucking hunt them down and eat them. They also track down lionesses they want to rail and make little baby lion cubs all in the name of natural selection. Lions don't give a fuck because they are hunters and beasts, if one lioness turns him down, there are literally thousands upon thousands more You have it BETTER than a lion, there are millions upon MILLIONS of options for you.

Stop giving A FUCK, get OUT of your comfort zone and think like a fucking LION.

Don't do stupid shit though, there is a fine border between getting what you want and sexual harassment. I'm sure you know that border.
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Old 08-17-2010, 06:51 PM jaredballer is offline  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyklown View Post
in the past two weeks, she's invited me to her house at like 11pm to hang out and watch tv...twice. and both times i just kinda chill there, and we have a very good time, she's super comfortable, sits right next to me, playing with her hair, staring in my eyes, brushes up against me, all that good stuff but i keep it platonic for some stupid reason.

She has given you ALL the signs that she WANTS your advances.

1. Gradually get physical with her. Start with very brief but casual touches (like on the arm, back, lower thigh), as you build comfort, and she reciprocates, work your way up to putting your arm around her or hand holding.

2. Keep and maintain eye contact with her. Watch where her eyes are looking. As you gradually get closer, slow your speech, speak deeper and softer, take a small step forward every few seconds. If she looks at your lips and/or maintains the eye contact, its time to kiss her. Brush her hair away from her forehead and plant one on her!

don't wait until the end of the date to kiss. Put it on her as soon as you get the signs she is ready/wants it. Truth be told, she wants your manhood!

edit:
If you notice her breaking eye contact (looking away, etc), or arching her back when you are getting close or making advances, it means she is not ready. I do not think this is the case for girl you describe, but something to watch for. If she leans into you, its ON! If she shies away, dial it back a notch. Try to read her body language.
Old 08-17-2010, 09:06 PM Hornswoggler1 is offline  
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tool
 
so you're first post basically outlined that you acknowledge what's wrong.

"i can tell i'm nowhere near aggressive enough, i overanalyze stuff way too much, and i don't even compliment girls i'm attracted to for the fear of sounding creepy. which i realize is as retarded as it sounds, but i just think i'm going to fuck it up somehow. i give off the friends only vibe even before she's made the distinction."

you see it, so do the opposite. you feel shitty about not doing these things, so what's the big deal about feeling shitty for doing the opposite and then occasionally not feeling shitty when it works?
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Old 08-18-2010, 12:14 AM tool is offline  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by crazyklown View Post
in the past two weeks, she's invited me to her house at like 11pm to hang out and watch tv...twice. and both times i just kinda chill there, and we have a very good time, she's super comfortable, sits right next to me, playing with her hair, staring in my eyes, brushes up against me, all that good stuff but i keep it platonic for some stupid reason.
I used to do this... a lot. Like you I have excellent social skills so I have no problems meeting women. I went on plenty of first dates. A few seconds. No thirds.

A conversation with a friend went something like this:
Friend: So... you were on a couch with this girl, alone, and she kept looking at you?
Me: Yep.
Friend: And then...?
Me: And then nothing. About a half hour later I went home.
Friend: Jesus Christ dude just kiss her.


[s]Seemed like a longshot[/s] but sure enough just leaning over and kissing her did the trick.

If you sit and try to analyze how you're going to break the friend barrier, you're just going to overcomplicate shit. You'll think of things to say, how to act, etc... when you really just need to do one, very simple, very quick thing. Kiss her. But what about the timing? That's easy, too! If you're in close proximity and you two catch eyes, and she doesn't look away, kiss her.
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Old 08-18-2010, 06:32 PM :ninja: is offline  
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TheNoid's response was great, but I would like to add/change this. Usually you meet a girl in a strange environment: bar, work, school, whatever. Somewhere that if you are looking to take things beyond 1 night in the bedroom, it would be almost impossible at that point. Especially if you are nervous, just asking her out on a date may be difficult. Here is what I have tried: Ask her out to lunch.

Before you flame me, think about it. Its a quick way to get her number and set something up on a one-to-one basis without ANY stigma of a "date" or "showtime" situation. Then once you are semi-alone, see how you meld. OP says he is good at just talking with them but its hard to make that move. Believe me, it can be, so this method takes a lot of the guesswork out of it. If she says no to lunch, you dont have to feel that you got "shut down" and she wont tell her friends that youre some douche trying to get in her pants, etc. She will respect you as a nice guy who is also outgoing and willing to hang out with her in a realistic one-on-one setting before trying to get her on a date. You will hardly ever get rejected like this. And its basically a filter if anything. If you make it to lunch, there are no expectations except to have a good time. So if you have a good time then ask her out on a date. win-win

Usually you go out, have a good time, get to know her and then set up something for later on. Sometimes you may realize that this girl is not what you thought, and you ask for separate checks and dont schedule a follow up date. You are in control and usually in these situations its mutual. I have been at bars/parties and felt that girls are into me, only to ask them on a date get their number and then get denied the next day. It is exceedingly rare that you would be feeling mutually into each other at a lunch situation and then get rejected on the date. Funny thing is, what happens a lot is you ask a girl to have lunch with you at cafe or something and then she starts telling you about her boyfriend. Its awkward as hell for 2 seconds, but then you realize, we are just at lunch and can say oh well I was looking to take you out on a date but I see thats out of the question, or just let it go and don't hit her back up.

Try this please and let me know how it works for you. As an example I just met a girl the other night who was seemingly perfect. She was gorgeous and i got setup for lunch with her. Started talking and she was telling me its nice to hang out with a nice guy since her boyfriend was in the navy and stationed in san diego for 18 months (I'm in NC). I was a little upset/shocked at first, but we honestly had a great time talking because we were in the same profession and went to nearby schools. It wasnt a waste of time at all though. It was great company and I don't plan on calling/texting her again unless she lets me know she's calling it quits with the cadet and then I'd have a good chance at getting that date. I'm just citing this one because its the last one that happened, even if it didnt end well.

Lay the groundwork over lunch, not with a few inebriated one-liners at a bar. Its amazing how different (a lot of the time pleasantly different) over lunch than out with their friends.

PS: the reason I came up with this is that I work at a hospital at the moment. Now if I think a nurse, PT, PA, etc in my department is liking me and I ask them out on a date, that can have negative consequences if I got the totally wrong impression. It would be pretty hard to work with them or pass by them in the hallway knowing I got shutdown. However if I ask them out to lunch and they decline: no harm done. I could just picture getting kicked off the medical staff for making advances at a hot nurse, however making an offer to share a lunch with them is not at all invasive no matter how you spin it.

Last edited by SupermanwOOt; 08-22-2010 at 12:32 AM..
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