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ti-89
 
Should I turn down this girl or not? Guaranteed, but don't like her

Hooked up with this chick twice last October. I'm not into her - she's a bit chubby (not fat), not attracted to her, and don't have much in common. I'm 23 and have a well paying career, she's 29 I think and floating around in part-time jobs. We're in completely different places in life.

She wanted to date, I didn't. I kind of gave her the "i'm busy, work is hectic, blah blah, but hey I'll hit you up next time I'm out partying in your part of town".

Out of the blue she contacted me recently(apparently, she had moved away for 6 months and recently moved back). Drunk and not having any luck since then, and having witnessed my roommate pick up a random bar chick last weekend... I proceeded to talk and flirt with her again for about 30 minutes on the phone. I think I gave her the wrong impression.

She even mentioned casually that we should start dating. I saved her to my phone again(I had deleted her), and I think she's expecting me to call her soon, or otherwise I'm afraid she'll call me.

She seems like a nymph, but then again we only hung out grand total of 4 times last year and hooked up twice. Yet she wants to date, and isn't looking for a random hookup. What do I do?

It's pretty much guaranteed sex. However I do want a relationship, just not with this chick. Go for it then give her the boot? After all it would be short fun, but I feel like I'm only going it to not feel left out of my friends who seem to be having better luck, and because I'm getting a bit desperate... the social pressure to hook-up with girls. My ethical side tells me not too, but my hedonistic side and social envy is telling me to go for it.

And what's a polite way to either now, or after a few "dates", dump her without seeming like an asshole? I try not to burn bridges with people, she might have friends, and honestly this is the first time I'm in this position - feels exhilarating tbh, since I don't usually have the best luck with women and am the one being rejected.
Old 07-06-2009, 07:43 PM ti-89 is offline  
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Vendetta
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If you don't want a relationship, why is this even an issue--she said directly she wants to date, not hook up. She is being straight forward with you, be straight forward with her.
Old 07-06-2009, 07:48 PM Vendetta is offline  
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ti-89
 
So what's a good way to do it? Just call her and say "Hey, I didn't mean to lead you on the other night, but I really don't think it'd work out between us"? Or make up some other new excuse?

Also my question is would it be douchebag status to hookup with her again a couple more times, then say the above thing? I feel like I should go for every opportunity I get - she was actually only the 2nd girl I've ever slept with, the other time being years before in college..
Old 07-06-2009, 07:56 PM ti-89 is offline  
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HiPNoTyQ
 
just read the title:
if you don't like her, don't go for her, unless you want to be with someone you don't like. If your ok with boning girls you don't care about, all the power to ya.
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Old 07-06-2009, 07:57 PM HiPNoTyQ is offline  
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Electrikfuzz050
 
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Yeah, hooking up with her is an asshole thing to do if she thinks that you want to be in a relationship with her.
Old 07-06-2009, 08:37 PM Electrikfuzz050 is offline  
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XJumper84
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i'm sort of in a similar boat (and i hate piggy backing on threads).. the chick i'm "seeing" is a bit older... she's 32, i'm 24... she she clamors all over me.. we've gone on more than a few dates.. but hasn't said shit about relationship stuff... but i like the play.

its easier to say than do.. but you'll find when you have a chick around.. other chicks seemingly are attracted to you because you can get said girl. go on a few more dates. but don't play into "yes we're dating". while you're half-way seeing this chick... go find other girls. it'll be easier.. then spend less time with said chick and then say you're not that interested. or we don't jive well. etc. she'll try to win you back.

thats my $0.02
Old 07-06-2009, 11:35 PM XJumper84 is offline  
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jkoebel
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Vendetta View Post
If you don't want a relationship, why is this even an issue--she said directly she wants to date, not hook up. She is being straight forward with you, be straight forward with her.

QFT.
Old 07-07-2009, 01:40 AM jkoebel is offline  
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Sf_J
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The simple thing to do is clarify that you're not interested in datng and leave it at that. If you enjoy drama and complication in life, than feel free to lead her on and deal with the aftermath.
Old 07-07-2009, 01:57 AM Sf_J is offline  
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Vendetta
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ti-89 View Post
So what's a good way to do it? Just call her and say "Hey, I didn't mean to lead you on the other night, but I really don't think it'd work out between us"? Or make up some other new excuse?

Also my question is would it be douchebag status to hookup with her again a couple more times, then say the above thing? I feel like I should go for every opportunity I get - she was actually only the 2nd girl I've ever slept with, the other time being years before in college..

You call her and tell her that you are only interested in a casual fling with sex, and not looking for a relationship. If she then wants to pursue an only-sex relationship, you got lucky (but beware her inevitably getting attached anyway). But otherwise, at least you were a man about it.

And yes, it would be a huge douchebag status.
Old 07-07-2009, 08:26 AM Vendetta is offline  
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ScumBag
 
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You could always just 'date' her and eventually let her know it's not working out... nobody knows 100% that a relationship is going to work before it even starts... you're not doing anything wrong by 'trying' even if you're full of doubt... just my 2 cents.

edit - plus there's always the possibility that you could fall for her and it would work out...anything is possible. go for it... life is short.

Last edited by ScumBag; 07-07-2009 at 04:43 PM..
Old 07-07-2009, 04:37 PM ScumBag is offline  
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1999
 
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You could always just 'date' her and eventually let her know it's not working out... nobody knows 100% that a relationship is going to work before it even starts... you're not doing anything wrong by 'trying' even if you're full of doubt... just my 2 cents.

edit - plus there's always the possibility that you could fall for her and it would work out...anything is possible. go for it... life is short.

Not trying to be a dick but I'm leaning this way as well because you mentioned you have little experience with women. Unless you are totally repulsed by her, you don't have a lot to lose by dating her. As an added bonus it will help give you the confidence to meet other women (what's that saying? Women are more attracted to guys that are involved with someone.).
Old 07-07-2009, 10:29 PM 1999 is offline  
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