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Coqui
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by s0me0nesmind1 View Post
Allowance's are for teenager's who are still learning how money works. If you need an allowance as an adult you have some serious issues, and I have no idea how someone could stand that as an adult. Also loving to shop and not liking to work is something that about 99% of the country has in common, how she convinced your dad that is okay is beyond me though.

Or you're in my position where I'm a cheap bastard and hate spending money so I shoot down everything that's not a necessity. Giving her an allowance for non-essentials is my way of keeping her happy and my way of relenting my thriftiness.

I work, she's a stay at home mom.
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Old 07-04-2009, 12:27 PM Coqui is offline  
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Originally Posted by Electrikfuzz050 View Post
Yeah, the allowance thing is kinda stupid, makes the woman sound like a little kid. And joint checking accounts can work, I know a lot of people who they work fine for (although they tend to be older and from another generation).

I'd say tell her that you're going to have to get her a separate account if things continue like they are. She'll probably shape up. If not, then get the separate account.

Yeah its people from a generation where they write out checks for everything, meticulously keep track of their checks, and discuss everything with their significant other over their nightly sitdown dinner at home.

Now, back in the real world, for situations like this an allowance makes perfect sense. If the word "allowance" is simply too much of an assault on your senses, call it a budget or what have you, its the same concept.
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Old 07-04-2009, 04:28 PM adm01 is offline  
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adm01
 
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Or you're in my position where I'm a cheap bastard and hate spending money so I shoot down everything that's not a necessity. Giving her an allowance for non-essentials is my way of keeping her happy and my way of relenting my thriftiness.

I work, she's a stay at home mom.

It seems perfectly reasonable to me. I know that when I get married, I will have a similar setup if my wife chooses to be a stay-at-home mom.
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Old 07-04-2009, 04:29 PM adm01 is offline  
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Yeah its people from a generation where they write out checks for everything, meticulously keep track of their checks, and discuss everything with their significant other over their nightly sitdown dinner at home..

I actually do that :/
Old 07-04-2009, 05:14 PM Forever Domon is offline  
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vantastic
 
my parents use a joint bank account..no problems
it's not always a stupid idea
Old 07-04-2009, 09:40 PM vantastic is offline  
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Electrikfuzz050
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by adm01 View Post
Yeah its people from a generation where they write out checks for everything, meticulously keep track of their checks, and discuss everything with their significant other over their nightly sitdown dinner at home.

Now, back in the real world, for situations like this an allowance makes perfect sense. If the word "allowance" is simply too much of an assault on your senses, call it a budget or what have you, its the same concept.

You mean people being responsible? That IS the real world.
Old 07-04-2009, 11:46 PM Electrikfuzz050 is offline  
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Coqui
 
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You mean people being responsible? That IS the real world.

Except the real world doesn't always have both parties being responsible.
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Old 07-05-2009, 04:30 AM Coqui is offline  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrikfuzz050 View Post
You mean people being responsible? That IS the real world.
Dude, the problem is that the woman is not responsible. We are suggesting how to fix it.

You are shitting on the main suggestion of an allowance because you think... what? That she should be responsible? Of course she should. She is not, that is what the fucking thread is about. Awesome. Now make a more meaningful suggestion than 'she should have a seperate account'. Money has to get into an account somehow, how does your world view have it getting in there?
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Old 07-05-2009, 04:50 AM vinnie is offline  
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adm01
 
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You mean people being responsible? That IS the real world.

Right, so I'm not responsible if I don't write checks and sit down for dinner at home each night? My point is, most people are too busy for that scenario be practical.
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Old 07-05-2009, 05:12 PM adm01 is offline  
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Electrikfuzz050
 
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Right, so I'm not responsible if I don't write checks and sit down for dinner at home each night? My point is, most people are too busy for that scenario be practical.

I'm not talking about checks and sitting down for dinner and shit. I'm talking about fiscally responsible.

His wife needs to understand how money works and what all of it goes to each month, otherwise she's just going to keep doing what she's doing. Instead of treating her like a 5 year old and telling her how much money she can spend each month (which is not a good way to go about a relationship by the way, if anything, it'll make things worse) he should teach her what she should and shouldn't be spending money on.

See a marriage counselor if nothing else works. It's better than making her spending money into more of a problem than it already is.
Old 07-05-2009, 07:52 PM Electrikfuzz050 is offline  
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theNoid
 
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You should have never ever ever gone to joint accounts. People that do are retarded and just asking for trouble.

Opposite opinion 100%, but I won't sling insults your way to boost my insecurities. When 2 people get married, they become one.. in every aspect. Trust is the foundation to a successful marriage and if you cannot trust your SO then the relationship is doomed from the start. I would argue that people who keep their money separated may temporarily avoid monetary issues, but will eventually deal with severe consequences later in the marriage because of it. By itself its not that big an issue, but it is a building block for marriage.

Start pulling blocks out and you weaken the structure... ultimately doing more harm than good.

The unfortunate sad truth is that some people never learn how to manage many aspects of their life, including money. Setting allowances isn't teaching an old dog new tricks, its treating an old dog like a puppy. Sometimes simply showing someone how to actually do things correctly is all they need, many grew up with parents who did a half ass job.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:21 AM theNoid is offline  
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Continental
 
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Opposite opinion 100%, but I won't sling insults your way to boost my insecurities. When 2 people get married, they become one.. in every aspect. Trust is the foundation to a successful marriage and if you cannot trust your SO then the relationship is doomed from the start.

I would argue that people who keep their money separated may temporarily avoid monetary issues, but will eventually deal with severe consequences later in the marriage because of it. By itself its not that big an issue, but it is a building block for marriage.

Start pulling blocks out and you weaken the structure... ultimately doing more harm than good. Time can be your best or worst enemy depending on decisions you make every day.

No. There's nothing wrong with keeping seperate accounts. Doing so will not result in problems in your marriage unless one person feels like they're being cheated out of something, in which case there's going to be problems either way.

Trusting someone and having basic common sense are not mutually exclusive.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:24 AM Continental is offline  
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theNoid
 
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No. There's nothing wrong with keeping seperate accounts. Doing so will not result in problems in your marriage unless one person feels like they're being cheated out of something, in which case there's going to be problems either way.

Trusting someone and having basic common sense are not mutually exclusive.

I'm not going to argue the numbers, I was simply stating my opinion. Clearly couples manage both ways, but my point was clearly that when 2 people get married, they are no longer 2 people, they are 1. This is recognized by the state, and religion (if they so choose).

If people want to say "We are 1... oh um .. accept for when it comes to money because I make a few more bucks a year and I spent a long time saving this cash and well ... you don't know how to manage money right and well you see you don't want me spending your money right?" ... thats fine.

Foresight is a gift I suppose.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:33 AM theNoid is offline  
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Continental
 
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I'm not going to argue the numbers, I was simply stating my opinion. Clearly couples manage both ways, but my point was clearly that when 2 people get married, they are no longer 2 people, they are 1. This is recognized by the state, and religion (if they so choose).

If people want to say "We are 1... oh um .. accept for when it comes to money because I make a few more bucks a year and I spent a long time saving this cash and well ... you don't know how to manage money right and well you see you don't want me spending your money right?" ... thats fine.

Foresight is a gift I suppose.

You don't quite get it, but that's ok, many people don't when they get married to the person they know and love and trust, and then a few years later you end up in the same situation the OP is in. It's ok, you'll understand some day
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:40 AM Continental is offline  
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Bukkakeboy
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Skadebo View Post
Have a talk with her, remove her from the account, and give her a weekly allowance.

this, if you want to keep it simple

if you dare tread into deeper waters, have a sit down.

The basic problem here is her handling of money. You can deal with that either by limiting the amount she can throw out the window, or you can teach her how to handle money.

Since its your wife, I'd go with the latter option, but it depends.

I also support the suggestion of counseling.

Some people are innately retarded about money, I have several friends like that. Friends that even if you doubled or tripled their income they'd still be living paycheck to paycheck. I blame them/their upbringing but hey
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