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Everglo-blue
 
How do couples wait?

Ok, so for those of you that are married/in committed relationships, how do you wait for the physical aspect of the relationship?

Here is the short and sweet: My girlfriend and I want to get married sooner rather than later, but we both want to wait to have intercourse with each other until we are married.

She doesn't masturbate, and doesn't want me to. She said that she would rather be the one to 'take care of me' (which is great! I don't want to do anything like that without her anyways).

The only problem is that I am DYING here waiting. She just isn't ready to take that step yet. She has been burned by it in her past, long before I came into the picture. She just wants to make sure it doesn't become a distraction or a focus in our relationship. I know it won't be, I love everything else about her to much to let it.

So what the hell do I do? I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, almost literally. I'm holding out as long as I can, and she knows it's driving my crazy.

How do couples in similar situations handle this? I can't believe that people who date for 8 months to a year before getting engaged, and then wait another 6+ months to get married, don't fool around AT ALL to a point of release, or at least are ok with their partner taking care of their own needs when the urge arises.
Old 08-11-2010, 08:22 AM Everglo-blue is offline  
#1  

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Coqui
 
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Is this just no sex, or no physical contact? (Other than kissing)

And if it's it's a priority for you, then you wouldn't be dying or thinking about it. You want to get laid.

Oh and you're also in the very small minority that wait for sex till marriage.
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Old 08-11-2010, 08:45 AM Coqui is offline  
#2  

Everglo-blue
 
We kiss and stuff, there is just no sex acts or sexual touching that would lead either of us to orgasm.

Of course I want to get laid, who wouldn't? But it isn't a priority for me, honestly. If I could get rid of this awful 24/7 blue balls feeling, I could certainly wait longer until she is good and ready to move on to the next level. It's just so physically uncomfortable that I can't see myself just struggling through it with no relief for the next month or however long it takes.

I figured that we are in the small minority with our wanting to wait, but we aren't unique in that sense so other couples in a similar situation have figured out some way to deal with it.
Old 08-11-2010, 08:58 AM Everglo-blue is offline  
#3  

Typhoon43
 
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Dude.. don't be afraid to take care of yourself. Never understood why women like to make guys play the "let's wait" game. It's not like you're going out and sleeping with other women. Tell you what; if you don;t start "servicing yourself", the odds of something happening with another girl strats increasing. You can't repress libido man, nor should you.
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:00 AM Typhoon43 is offline  
#4  

Coqui
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Everglo-blue View Post
We kiss and stuff, there is just no sex acts or sexual touching that would lead either of us to orgasm.

Of course I want to get laid, who wouldn't? But it isn't a priority for me, honestly. If I could get rid of this awful 24/7 blue balls feeling, I could certainly wait longer until she is good and ready to move on to the next level. It's just so physically uncomfortable that I can't see myself just struggling through it with no relief for the next month or however long it takes.

I figured that we are in the small minority with our wanting to wait, but we aren't unique in that sense so other couples in a similar situation have figured out some way to deal with it.

You're either trolling or ting. First of all, you're only going to get that blue balls feeling if you're hard all the time.

Second of all, just fap and get it over with. And yes you are unique, because the couples that normally do this don't think about it at all, so it isn't an issue. They're usually religious enough that they only have sex to procreate so they have no issues waiting till marriage.
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:02 AM Coqui is offline  
#5  

sir tex
 
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lLbpgoDtOE4

You want serious advice? (and yes, the above is entirely serious)

They don't wait.

Stop letting her control your every whim. You are DYING there waiting, and she knows it's driving you crazy. What gives her that right to chain you up like that, other than the fact that you let her? Sex fulfillment is a necessary part of the human psyche, like food and being loved. Would you let her tell you you can't eat steak and potatoes anymore, or talk to your family?

If she wants to 'take care of you', then what the hell is she waiting for? Why do you need a marriage certificate to have sex? She had a bad experience with sex/whatever before marriage, so that means you're fucked (or not in this case) or something? What gives her the right to prejudge you like that?
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:22 AM sir tex is offline  
#6  

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Quote:
Originally Posted by Everglo-blue View Post
She doesn't masturbate, and doesn't want me to. She said that she would rather be the one to 'take care of me' (which is great! I don't want to do anything like that without her anyways).

I know you're in love and all that, but let me help you out with something here.

1) She doesn't masturbate, which most likely means she's uptight or has issues with her body and her sexuality, so sex is probably going to be mediocre at best.

2) She doesn't want you to masturbate... why exactly? Is it her job to deny you feeling good, or is she the only person who can do that?
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:25 AM DigitalMocking is offline  
#7  

Runding
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Coqui View Post
You're either trolling or ting. First of all, you're only going to get that blue balls feeling if you're hard all the time.

Second of all, just fap and get it over with. And yes you are unique, because the couples that normally do this don't think about it at all, so it isn't an issue. They're usually religious enough that they only have sex to procreate so they have no issues waiting till marriage.

I waited until marriage to have sex with my wife -- so no, I don't think he's trolling.

Everglo, it's pretty difficult. From the point we started dating to marriage it was 11 months -- so it sounds like you've been dating a little bit longer than my wife and I had been. First off, marriage is about being open. I don't masturbate and I don't think my wife would appreciate it, so I know it can be done. However, I do believe that if you guys talk about it with each other it eases some of the sexual anxiety. It sounds strange, but I feel like it helped me put it into perspective why we waited and what we were waiting for.

Second, it's worth it
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:31 AM Runding is offline  
#8  

DigitalMocking
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Runding View Post
Second, it's worth it

What's worth it? Sex? Waiting for it? Sex isn't anything magical and amazing, its just sex. Some partners just aren't good for you, sometimes its great, sometimes its not. I'd hate to be married to someone that the sex was bad with.
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:37 AM DigitalMocking is offline  
#9  

Gibonius
 
Are you both religious? If not, something is seriously wrong and you should step back and reconsider the whole relationship.


In fact, you really ought to start reconsidering some things right away. Like DM said, you are setting yourself up for a lifetime of mediocre or non-existent sex. It's a very bad sign that she is asking you to not masturbate. That is something that WILL come up again if you get married, because there will be dry spells (and given the current climate of your relationship, I'd imagine the dry spells will be long and frequent) and she will not want you to masturbate then either. Do you want to have every facet of your sex life controlled by her, forever?

Just doesn't sound healthy. If you're religious there's at least a reason for such derangement, but if not, you need to think hard and long if this is really what you want.
Old 08-11-2010, 09:38 AM Gibonius is offline  
#10  

Gibonius
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Runding View Post
I waited until marriage to have sex with my wife -- so no, I don't think he's trolling.

Everglo, it's pretty difficult. From the point we started dating to marriage it was 11 months -- so it sounds like you've been dating a little bit longer than my wife and I had been. First off, marriage is about being open. I don't masturbate and I don't think my wife would appreciate it, so I know it can be done. However, I do believe that if you guys talk about it with each other it eases some of the sexual anxiety. It sounds strange, but I feel like it helped me put it into perspective why we waited and what we were waiting for.

Second, it's worth it

You're religious I assume?
Old 08-11-2010, 09:39 AM Gibonius is offline  
#11  

Runding
 
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Yea, I'm religious. If this guy isn't religious, I don't know how he's lasted this long, and I would have no clue why he's doing it

It's worth it because of the trust we have. I'm not saying couples who had sex prior to marriage don't trust each other, but I definitely feel much more solid in my relationship than many of my other friends, which I attribute a lot to our waiting. It makes sex not just a casual experience you could possibly have with anyone, but something that is reserved(and has been reserved for quite a while) for one person only -- that's a special thing if you ask me.
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:49 AM Runding is offline  
#12  

Bapes
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I don't think there are any physically negative side-effects to lack of masturbation/release, HOWEVER I believe the mental effects are obvious.

You're going crazy, you believe you have blue balls, it seems like you're thinking about it constantly, etc.

This isn't healthy especially if she knows you're "dying" and she's okay with it. This might be a power thing for her and she feels she has you under her control, however you really need to talk about it and tell her that regardless of her jerking you or not, that is ALL you're thinking about, so the initial reason for not doing these things is sort of down the toilet.
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Old 08-11-2010, 09:57 AM Bapes is offline  
#13  

Everglo-blue
 
We are both religious.

Thanks for the good advice everyone. It helps knowing I'm not just completely out of my mind.
Old 08-11-2010, 10:23 AM Everglo-blue is offline  
#14  

theNoid
 
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I ... I feel so much sadness for people living these empty, shackled and sheltered lifestyles. The OP is clearly imprisoned in his relationship and this thread is a cry for help.

Someone told you how to live your life

edit. Maybe when you die and go to whatever place for eternity you can finally do what you want?
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Last edited by theNoid; 08-11-2010 at 10:44 AM..
Old 08-11-2010, 10:33 AM theNoid is offline  
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