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Gravity Man
 
Girlfriend going on a camping trip with other people...

So my girlfriend is planning on going on a camping trip next month with some people from a local car forum (mostly guys and mostly people I don't know).

I'm not comfortable with this at all, but I'm not sure what to do. Our relationship has been rocky lately, but we've both been working hard to get things back on track. I'm afraid that this might set us back quite a bit.

Part of our problem has been my own trust issues, which I have been working on. I'm worried that if I bring it up at this point, she will see it as me being paranoid/jealous/controlling, which isn't what I want.

I don't want to keep her from spending time with her friends, but staying overnight in the woods with them doesn't sit well with me, especially when alcohol is involved. I've been overprotective about other things in the past that I shouldn't have been, but this seems like too much too soon.

I don't doubt that she intends to be faithful, but I know how guys are, and in an overnight setting like that, I get uneasy.

Finally, I'm wondering if I'm setting a double standard. I spend a lot of weekends out of town with my own friends competing in motorsports events. She's never voiced a problem with it, but then again, I'm not spending that time with other women.

Am I letting my imagination get the better of me, or are my concerns legitimate?
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Old 09-28-2010, 03:56 PM Gravity Man is offline  
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coalesce
 
Ask her to take a friend with her that you can trust to not let her do something stupid or maybe tag a long. I don't know what to tell ya except what you're feeling is something I wouldn't be ok with either.
Old 09-28-2010, 04:12 PM coalesce is offline  
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Big C
 
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Personally if it was me I would be a bit concerned, but you have to give her your trust, and hope she does right. Be prepared for the worst, maybe go with her on the camping trip.

I wouldn't want her to do that alone, i'd probably go with her
Old 09-28-2010, 04:18 PM Big C is offline  
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ricalo suarvalez
 
There's really no way out of this one. You have to suck it up and hope for the best, and accept that if she decides to cheat on you, then it was not a relationship worth working on.

Since your trust issues have already come up, have you wondered if she's testing you with this? As well, what have you done to work on these issues, exactly?

Not trying to say that just ignoring a problem is the way to go, but in this case, you've got no way of changing these events without looking bad. Stick to the high ground.
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Old 09-28-2010, 05:43 PM ricalo suarvalez is offline  
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Gravity Man
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ricalo suarvalez View Post
There's really no way out of this one. You have to suck it up and hope for the best, and accept that if she decides to cheat on you, then it was not a relationship worth working on.

Since your trust issues have already come up, have you wondered if she's testing you with this? As well, what have you done to work on these issues, exactly?

Not trying to say that just ignoring a problem is the way to go, but in this case, you've got no way of changing these events without looking bad. Stick to the high ground.
This is what I have been thinking as well.

I don't think it's intended as a test, but it may turn into one. She's been planning on doing this for a while, but it hasn't been brought up recently. Before things took a turn for the worse, I did tell her that I didn't want her to do it, but we haven't talked about it since we agreed to start over and try to do things right.

Part of me wants to bring up my concerns again in the hope that we can have a reasonable conversation about it and come up with a solution that would put my mind more at ease (going for the daytime activities but coming home at night or even just abstaining from drinking and checking in with me periodically would be a big help). The other part is thinking that just bringing the issue up would cause too much of a stir.

Going with isn't an option. I have other commitments that weekend, and even if I didn't I think it would be pretty apparent that I was only there as a "chaperone," which wouldn't do anything to build trust.

However it goes, I have to respect her decision or it's all for nothing anyway. The only question is whether I risk bringing it up again.

As for what I'm doing to deal with my problems, I'm just trying to let her live her life the way she let's me live mine. Almost all her friends are male, so it's been difficult for me to let her have a life outside of our relationship. I'm trying to be less invasive about what she does when she goes out and more understanding if she stays out later than expected.
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Old 09-28-2010, 06:42 PM Gravity Man is offline  
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Electrikfuzz050
 
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If it's a bunch of guys then I can see why you would have a problem with it. If she's just going to hang out with some girl friends and the guys just happen to be there, that's different.

That said, if you can't trust her with this, I would think it should say something about the relationship as a whole.
Old 09-28-2010, 07:41 PM Electrikfuzz050 is offline  
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#6  

Master_Shake
 
even if it is a girls from work thing it is usually bs

she is probably either only going with 1 guy camping, or has every intention to share a sleeping bag with 1

probably already too late if camping trips are being planned

I would write her off now to save heartache later
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Old 09-29-2010, 12:57 AM Master_Shake is offline  
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cokezeroholic
 
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I'm voting for letting it ride and let her go. Sure it will make you uneasy because of your trust issues but this is just the instance in which you need to show a little faith in her. So there will be guys there and alcohol, so what? It's not like you're going out of town on business meetings yourself. You mentioned that you don't spend that time out of town with other women. How does she know that? Your word? Yeah maybe, but she probably has more trust in you than you do in her. I may be wrong and she may end up doing something to assist in dissolving the relationship, but you kind of have to hope for the best here.
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Old 09-29-2010, 01:15 AM cokezeroholic is offline  
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#8  

vinnie
OH MY GOD!!! I LOVE SUCKING COCK!!!!!
 
Lose lose situation. Try and stop her and you are a 'controlling bastard'. She goes and... well, you would probably want her tested for STDs before going there again. 'Rocky relationship', 'out of town' and 'alcohol' do not always add up to 'lets fuck like bunnies', but not best to put money against it.

Good luck.
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Old 09-29-2010, 03:18 AM vinnie is offline  
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#9  

Artesial
 
Trust your girlfriend, nothing more you can do. If you try to prevent her from going, it's going to show you don't trust her and make things worst.
Old 09-29-2010, 06:47 AM Artesial is offline  
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#10  

Golf(e)
 
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People from a car forum? Dudes shes never met before?

I mean i dont... know. On the one hand.. ideally, this should be a doable thing.. in a genuinely healthy relationship it wouldnt matter. But uh... no i'd totally be uncomfortable with it i mean what? Why wouldnt she want to bring you camping anyway? People from a forum? Has she been posting there forever and its a place where shes formed internet friendships or what? I mean it just sounds odd i dont know

...this probably didnt help much, huh?
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Old 09-29-2010, 07:24 AM Golf(e) is offline  
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#11  

TheRealScott
 
I know with my girlfriend when I was having trust issues she told me. that the more I accuse her of cheating the more it is likely to happen (don't really understand the logic on that one), but thought I'd put that out there for you.
Old 09-29-2010, 08:37 AM TheRealScott is offline  
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#12  

acdcking12
 
I am going with the whole let her do it and trust her. If she gets back and things act weird, trust your instincts..

But I am pretty sure this isnt a way just for her to cheat on you...

I am not sure that you should assume that she is going just to have sex with someone else..That is utter ridiculous crazy thoughts...
Old 09-29-2010, 09:25 AM acdcking12 is offline  
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Gravity Man
 
Well, I brought it up when she got home last night. We had a good conversation and made a lot of progress. I kept the conversation centered on overcoming my issues rather than trying to tell her what I wanted her to do. We covered a lot and ended up breaking down a big barrier between us by being able to better understand each other's perspectives on the situation.

She's still planning on going for the car show and drive, but she is undecided about spending the night. I told her that I don't have a problem with her going anymore, but she was already thinking that it might be too cold and miserable to want to spend the night before I brought it up.

Whatever happens, I think we're going to be ok.
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Old 09-29-2010, 10:25 AM Gravity Man is offline  
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#14  

Artesial
 
Communication prevails again!
Old 09-29-2010, 10:40 AM Artesial is offline  
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