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Trachei
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrikfuzz050 View Post
While you're right, you should really take the alpha/beta male shit back to the pick up artist forum where you got it from.

i actually just say all that shit for funnies. It has its truth to a point though.

It's kinda like saying, "I came so hard the earth shook" . The Earth didn't actually shake, but it gets the point across more.

It makes the post more assertive and assholeish, because honestly, IMHO that's what the OP needed to hear. It's time for him to kick it into high gear and take charge if she thinks it's fine and dandy to go on the trip.

Last edited by Trachei; 09-30-2010 at 08:08 PM..
Old 09-30-2010, 08:03 PM Trachei is offline  
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Trachei
 
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Originally Posted by Trachei View Post
A good point to mention is, maybe the OP should look into camping with her. Maybe she is looking to have some outdoors fun. No reason the OP couldn't hit up some friends and take her out to do the same thing. If she talkin about this stuff the OP should take notice

The more I thought about this, the more I feel like this is the right answer in terms of concluding the argument and not just indicating that it's an unacceptable trip. (lol quoting myself just to keep same thought)

Acknowledge the trip being unacceptable, but that can't be a conclusion to this disagreement. It's only one piece that is based on something deeper.

The conclusion to this is you guys actually doing something fun together. Not having fun and being stuck in a grind is probably why this whole issue came up in the first place.

I certainly learned a lot about life by finally letting go of petty bullshit and just having fun. And long-term, a camping trip is petty bullshit. I think it's a perfect time for the OP to let loose and show her why she's with him in the first place.
Old 09-30-2010, 11:23 PM Trachei is offline  
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theNoid
 
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Originally Posted by domonbaylespam View Post
so basically you want a house slave, not a person with their own personality and hobbies.

Not at all, my wife is free to to whatever she wants whenever she wants. The difference is... she thinks about me, our son and our family before making selfish decisions. For instance, meeting up with strange men from the internet to go camping. Then on top of that not inviting her bf/husband to come along.

Thats what us normal people call a Red Flag. As simple as I can put it, I have no time for the type of women that want to run around w/o their man. Thats not me, I dont have the patience in my life for that kind of drama and self righteousness. The same goes for me, I wouldn't in a million years go run off camping with a bunch of females I met from a forum. Why?

Because I respect my partner, am reasonable and am contributing my part in a balanced healthy relationship. My wife is a stay at home mom by choice, we get by fine on my income. The best part about her personality and hobbies is that she is the exact opposite of me but we both love gaming. I get to play games with my wife, I never get bitched at because of it.

If she told me she wanted to go camping with some friends I'd tell her, "Have fun!". But she's the type that wouldn't go w/o me. But if she told me she wanted to go camping with some strange men she met online I'd tell her, "You're a fucking retard."

Thankfully she's not that type, which is one of the reasons I married her.
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Old 10-01-2010, 08:32 AM theNoid is offline  
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WILLIAM NOT
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...Thankfully she's not that type, which is one of the reasons I married her.
You know, there is a difference between "going out with other men" and "going out where other men happen to be."
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Old 10-01-2010, 09:18 AM WILLIAM NOT is offline  
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chronage
 
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When is she going, and can you plant an audio recording device in her bags?
Old 10-03-2010, 11:41 PM chronage is offline  
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theNoid
 
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You know, there is a difference between "going out with other men" and "going out where other men happen to be."

Right, I'm not saying there isn't. I have never (nor will ever) told my wife where to go or what to do. She's awesome and my diamond in the rough because she considers my feelings before doing anything irrational.

There are better women/men out there, people need to stop settling.
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Old 10-04-2010, 09:26 AM theNoid is offline  
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This is what I have been thinking as well.

I don't think it's intended as a test, but it may turn into one. She's been planning on doing this for a while, but it hasn't been brought up recently. Before things took a turn for the worse, I did tell her that I didn't want her to do it, but we haven't talked about it since we agreed to start over and try to do things right.

Part of me wants to bring up my concerns again in the hope that we can have a reasonable conversation about it and come up with a solution that would put my mind more at ease (going for the daytime activities but coming home at night or even just abstaining from drinking and checking in with me periodically would be a big help). The other part is thinking that just bringing the issue up would cause too much of a stir.

Going with isn't an option. I have other commitments that weekend, and even if I didn't I think it would be pretty apparent that I was only there as a "chaperone," which wouldn't do anything to build trust.

However it goes, I have to respect her decision or it's all for nothing anyway. The only question is whether I risk bringing it up again.

As for what I'm doing to deal with my problems, I'm just trying to let her live her life the way she let's me live mine. Almost all her friends are male, so it's been difficult for me to let her have a life outside of our relationship. I'm trying to be less invasive about what she does when she goes out and more understanding if she stays out later than expected.

you're at the threshold of trusting your female around other dudes. it's totally natural for your gf/wife to have male friends. just like you probably have female friends!

just go with it and trust her. also, the space she'll be given may actually BE what you 2 need to get your relationship back on track.

either way, from what i've read you're really at a 'cross-roads' of trust. not sure how old you are but personally for me it took around the age of 24 to stop worrying about my girl with other guys and such. my gf as of now is 6 years younger than me (29,23) and she's out with young bucks all the time and i never worry. for us this all works out dandy and she even tells me she respects and appreciates my trust. hopefully you're in a similar situation!
Old 10-04-2010, 10:43 AM OlderBoy is offline  
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When is she going, and can you plant an audio recording device in her bags?

Single party aware recordings can be a serious crime depending on the state. Just an FYI.
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Old 10-05-2010, 11:12 AM BPJ is offline  
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chronage
 
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Single party aware recordings can be a serious crime depending on the state. Just an FYI.

Ah, thats true. I know it's kinda slimy but given how unreasonable it is of her to go camping with random dudes...fairly justified
Old 10-05-2010, 12:08 PM chronage is offline  
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There is absolutely NOTHING you (or anyone) can do that will ever stop her (or anyone) from cheating on you. If she wants to cheat on your during her camping trip she will. If she wants to cheat on you as you're reading this, or while you're running errands ... there is nothing you can do.
That's not right at all... situations tend to get the better of you. If I were put in this situation.. I could see where I might consciously make a decision to go camping with this group of chicks off the net to have fun and have fun only.. then getting caught up in the moment and having things lead to other things. This is more likely to happen when alcohol/drugs are involved. Sometimes its a SO's duty to recognize danger zones ..
Old 10-05-2010, 12:09 PM MC is offline  
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I think your fears are legitimate, especially during a rocky phase of the relationship. I would perhaps try to communicate with her... I'm not really sure the best approach though, but if you've been together for awhile it's probably best to just be supportive and communicate as much as possible.

Insecurity though drives people crazy especially during bumpy phases, which is sad but ultimately true in a relationship.
Old 10-05-2010, 01:23 PM ACT is offline  
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Ah, thats true. I know it's kinda slimy but given how unreasonable it is of her to go camping with random dudes...fairly justified

Given the fact that the tensions are based around jealousy/trust issues in the first place, this would be a deal breaker. This would be a deal breaker without even having been in a rocky phase. That's just plain controlling and unreasonable.
Old 10-05-2010, 03:34 PM mainbrotha is offline  
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theNoid
 
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That's not right at all... situations tend to get the better of you. If I were put in this situation.. I could see where I might consciously make a decision to go camping with this group of chicks off the net to have fun and have fun only.. then getting caught up in the moment and having things lead to other things. This is more likely to happen when alcohol/drugs are involved. Sometimes its a SO's duty to recognize danger zones ..

My comment wasn't directed towards the OPs situation, but more of a general comment about cheating.
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Old 10-05-2010, 03:43 PM theNoid is offline  
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Old 10-05-2010, 05:03 PM Hornswoggler1 is offline  
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Trachei
 
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Ah, thats true. I know it's kinda slimy but given how unreasonable it is of her to go camping with random dudes...fairly justified

You're crazy. It is never right to invade someone's privacy like that. I had a girlfriend go through my phone and I never trusted her again. What kind of slimy person thinks that this is okay? Cause it's not.

I'd rather just make my point clear and go from there. Single people can act single. People in relationships act like they are in a relationship. It's that simple.
Old 10-05-2010, 05:05 PM Trachei is offline  
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