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WurkLurker
 
A sudden, crazy situation.

Hello BC posters/readers. I have lurked on this forum for a very long time, and posted little.

I have a situation that I could really use an objective opinion on.


Background:

When I was 15 (sophomore) I met a girl 17 (senior) and we had an eight month relationship, which she ended after she graduated.

The thing that always hurt me was that she ended up married a year later. I hadn't spoken to her since -- 21 years.

Of course I come across her on Facebook. I realize that I still have strong feelings about the situation and consider sending her an email to just tear her to pieces. Instead, a couple of days later I calmly send a reconciliatory email telling her I forgive her and I hope she is happy, blah blah blah, so that hopefully I can just put it in the past and truly get over it. I also sent a friend request, also in the spirit of forgiveness.....

This is where is gets crazy. The next day I see her online and engage in facebook chat. She proceeds to tell me that she never stopped having deep feelings for me and was "so in love with me" and that she ended it as more or less a martyr move (paraphrasing). Basically, for ME. Then she goes on to tell me that she is in a loveless marriage, and a month ago her husband informed her that she was to seek out love on her own, as he would be doing, which according to her was now right in front of her, as opposed to traces of evidence like phone records and emails she had come across in the past.

She lives approx 4.5 hours away.

She wants to see me. Badly. She wanted me to meet her halfway tomorrow. We compromised on 2 weeks from now.

I'm freaking out inside because she obviously is acting on 2 things - rejection from her husband, and the memory of our relationship over 20 years ago. She has made it clear that she wants to have sex. She was my first!

The person I am now is nothing like the person she remembers. We're talking the difference between 15 and 36. A lot of how I view relationships is directly related to the amount of hurt I felt when she ended it with me.

I've also delved into a lot of areas (drugs, sex, shit even computer gaming) that she would have never expected from my 16 y/o self. How much of this shit do I need to fill her in on before I have sex with her??

What do I owe her??

Am I gonna get hurt again??

This shit is really confusing, and making me feel really young again
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Old 11-23-2010, 03:55 PM WurkLurker is offline  
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#1  

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GeNoChRiSt
 
You make it sound like your 14 all over again, take a deep breath and stop worrying about all those things. Shes made it clear she wants to hang and fuck so your already in.

Just meet up and be yourself, dont dwell on who you were in the past and if things work out then thats great, if not then enjoy the ride while you can.

PS: shes most likely a much different person herself now too, so dont put her on a pedestal.. Remember, this girl left YOU.
Old 11-23-2010, 04:55 PM GeNoChRiSt is offline  
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#2  

bigandy
 
Think about it this way, what is there to worry about? She wasn't a part of you life for 20 years and you got by ok. If the feelings are still there, great.

But don't get your hopes up too much, many times we build up these magnificent images of a first love. Just be yourself and don't try to force something if it isn't there.
Old 11-23-2010, 06:26 PM bigandy is offline  
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#3  

Forever Domon
 
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I hate to be the pessimist, but there is the possibility that her self esteem is just really low right now (understandably so), and she would grasp at anyone coming at her.

I hope thats not the case, but please be careful you dont get used.
Old 11-23-2010, 07:43 PM Forever Domon is offline  
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#4  

Gabbo
 
You owe her nothing from what you've posted, and she owes you nothing. You've both had lives for nearly two decades.
If you're still emotionally invested, and she fucks you, feels 'better', and goes back to her husband, you'll be hurt.

If you're actually over her and just want to get some, get some. You can see it as a long-overdue revenge fuck if you want (I'm not advocating beating or raping her, just so we're clear). If you want more than that, play it by ear, but uh, I wouldn't put much stock in this right off the bat.
Old 11-23-2010, 09:00 PM Gabbo is offline  
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#5  

cokezeroholic
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by WurkLurker View Post
How much of this shit do I need to fill her in on before I have sex with her??

What do I owe her??

Am I gonna get hurt again??

This shit is really confusing, and making me feel really young again

It's not like you're fucking HIV positive and she needs to know And I seriously doubt that she's going to jump your bones anyways because she'll probably just end up crying unless: a) she's a spiteful raging horny woman, b) you're a horny pig still hung up on a GIRL that dumped you two decades ago, or c) both.

You don't really owe her anything, and nor she you. You could just be a decent person and just be a shoulder to cry on or someone to talk to, but the tone of your post doesn't strike me as one of decency.

You're going to get hurt if you go into this expecting everything to turn out all sunshine and rainbows like it was the day before she dumped you.

I'm sounding like a complete asshole, but I'm thinking that's what you need to hear in this situation. Stop thinking like a 15 year old boy and remember that you're both grown adults.

PS: I don't think anything good ever comes out of rebound relationships, especially if she's technically still married.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Gabbo View Post
(I'm not advocating beating or raping her, just so we're clear)

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Old 11-23-2010, 09:03 PM cokezeroholic is offline  
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lucky579
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i love stories like this, although I would only go to meet her for S&G's
Old 11-23-2010, 10:38 PM lucky579 is offline  
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fapling
 
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go for it, nothing to lose
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:37 PM fapling is offline  
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Foolioq
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pepsiholic View Post
PS: I don't think anything good ever comes out of rebound relationships, especially if she's technically still married.

This
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Old 11-23-2010, 11:47 PM Foolioq is offline  
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matt00926
baaaaaa
 
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Leave her alone and stop reopening past events and relationships in your life for no goddamn good reason. You haven't even spoke to each other in twenty years, now you both wanna pretend you are still lovey dovey over each other? She left you out of nowhere and married some other guy practically on the spot, she doesn't give a shit about you, you are just a guaranteed lay and emotional tampon for her.
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Old 11-24-2010, 07:05 AM matt00926 is offline  
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#10  

theNoid
 
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*Red Flag

I get the feeling that if I had messaged her she would have been willing to meet me half way as well. She is lonely, desperate and you happened to show up in the wrong place at the wrong time. I'm also concerned with why you're still hung up on a girl you dated in high school 20+ years ago. The devils in the details so I wont go any further but it does seem oddball to me.

I rate this situation an A. A for Avoid.
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Last edited by theNoid; 11-24-2010 at 10:48 AM..
Old 11-24-2010, 10:26 AM theNoid is offline  
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#11  

Andy
 
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Uhhh...you were going to send her an email to "tear her to pieces" over a relationship that lasted only 8 months, when you were 15, 21 years later?

Are...you...serious? That's a shitload of crazy.
Old 11-24-2010, 01:51 PM Andy is offline  
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#12  

cokezeroholic
 
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This reminds me of the "Real men of genius" Bud Light commercial when they're talking about the overly competitive touch football game player. Especially the part when they say Still bitter about being cut from the football team seventeen year ago, big time.
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Old 11-24-2010, 03:33 PM cokezeroholic is offline  
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#13  

WurkLurker
 
Wow, awesome response. Good to know the BC is still alive and active.

Thanks for the responses, guys. A lot of you said things that I was thinking. And yes, I happen to be an excessively bitter person that holds on to things.

I will let you guys know what ends up happening....
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Old 11-24-2010, 06:44 PM WurkLurker is offline  
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AncientMarinade
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by domonbaylespam View Post
Her self esteem is just really low right now (understandably so), and she would grasp at anyone coming at her.

Fixt and QFT

I have never been in the same situation, but I have been in a similar situation from her part. I broke up with a girl because I knew she loved me more than I liked her (and while I did honestly like her a lot) I broke it up because I felt that it was wrong to keep up pretenses that she may have felt existed but didn't.

The reason I say this is because if she really did marry that guy as a rebound, this type of conversation is long over due if it was arising just out of her emotional connection to you. This is purely causality from circumstances. You shot the cue ball, her life broke apart, she thinks you can pocket everything away nice and neat. Proceed with caution.
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Old 11-24-2010, 08:20 PM AncientMarinade is offline  
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