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s0me0nesmind1
 
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GF Orgasm + BJ Advice...

First and foremost, over the years and threads of advice I just want to thank *most* of the BC posters for great advice and information. Finally threw away my v-card about a month ago Anyways...

Theres 2 issues with my girlfriend....

1) She says she has slept with 6 guys in her life and only 2 have managed to make her cum. Does anyone have any advice on this? It takes SO much just to get her going. I don't expect her to having screaming multiple orgasms, but I'm the type of guy who is legitimately more concerned about her enjoyment just as much as mine. She also says she has NEVER used a vibrator or any sex toys - I was thinking of maybe introducing that type of thing to her... anyone have any say on that? Maybe what kind, or the chances of it making her orgasm better and more often?

On another note, I've had some goodluck with rubbing her, apparently I'm the first guy to ever get her off by just rubbing her clit, but oral is apparently not as pleasing... go figure

2) She does not like head. At all. Still in a stage of "it's gross" kind of attitude. She has given it to me before - without asking for it - but she still always says she doesn't like it. My only problem with this is simple: She won't let me finish. I just can't get the idea out of my brain that giving head to the point of orgasm and then being forced to finish by hand is damn near a waste. I don't want the feel of a fuckin hand when I cum unless I'm getting a HJ. Anyone have a say here? I'm just not sure whats normal and whats not.
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Old 12-02-2010, 01:45 PM s0me0nesmind1 is offline  
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Artesial
 
Nvm, should have read better.
Old 12-02-2010, 02:11 PM Artesial is offline  
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Electrikfuzz050
 
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Practice more. You've only been doing it for a month.
Old 12-02-2010, 02:12 PM Electrikfuzz050 is offline  
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Electrikfuzz050
 
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Eat her out, if you do it right she'll have no problem getting started.

edit: apparently I'm the one who fails at reading

I wouldn't be doing that if she didn't want to give me head though.
Old 12-02-2010, 02:12 PM Electrikfuzz050 is offline  
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Disarm
 
One hurdle you will have to overcome to help her achieve orgasm easier is what ever negative attitude she has about sexual acts. That might be why it takes so long to get her going. At first, it sounded like low libido, but she thinks giving oral is gross? I can understand hating the smell/taste of semen and finding it disgusting, but she thinks the entire act of oral is gross? No wonder she doesn't enjoy you giving her oral either (or maybe I'm jumping to conclusions and you really do suck at it)

Is she a little ashamed about getting turned on and having sex? Does she find it "dirty"? (not in a good way). Maybe something from her childhood or a religious upbringing about sex being bad before marriage? Even if she's not religious anymore, but maybe it's still in the back of her head?

I know someone will say that someone who has had 6 sexual partners isn't ashamed/grossed out/uncomfortable/whatever, but you have to remember she does things she hates (such as giving him oral without asking). Maybe to keep her men happy she does things she doesn't really like all that much or she's forcing herself so she can eventually learn to have a more positive attitude about sexual things.

Or maybe I'm over analyzing and it really is as simple as all the men she's been with sucks in bed or she is still learning what feels good to her or it's low libido afterall.
Old 12-02-2010, 02:32 PM Disarm is offline  
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s0me0nesmind1
 
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Originally Posted by Electrikfuzz050 View Post
Practice more. You've only been doing it for a month.

Tis true - but keep in mind this isn't a girl that orgasms easily. 6 guys and only 2 can make her cum? That's sad - considering I'm definitely the first thats a virgin. I've come damn close with penetration too is what sucks - but we will get there, that's no doubt

But this still begs the question, should I get her a gift of a vibrator just to try it out? The way girls rave about vibrators it makes it sound like they cum pretty easily. Shes past her mid 20's and still has yet to experience that...

Quote:
Originally Posted by Electrikfuzz050 View Post
edit: apparently I'm the one who fails at reading

I wouldn't be doing that if she didn't want to give me head though.

She gives head - just to the point of orgasm Is that in any way normal?
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Old 12-02-2010, 02:35 PM s0me0nesmind1 is offline  
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s0me0nesmind1
 
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Originally Posted by Disarm View Post
One hurdle you will have to overcome to help her achieve orgasm easier is what ever negative attitude she has about sexual acts. That might be why it takes so long to get her going. At first, it sounded like low libido, but she thinks giving oral is gross? I can understand hating the smell/taste of semen and finding it disgusting, but she thinks the entire act of oral is gross? No wonder she doesn't enjoy you giving her oral either (or maybe I'm jumping to conclusions and you really do suck at it)

Is she a little ashamed about getting turned on and having sex? Does she find it "dirty"? (not in a good way). Maybe something from her childhood or a religious upbringing about sex being bad before marriage? Even if she's not religious anymore, but maybe it's still in the back of her head?

I don't think it's libido at all. I can hit her g-spot and she has come so so so close to getting there with penetration. She does have some past heart breaking from a 3 year relationship, so maybe something like that can play a factor in that she doesn't trust guys in general after that. I really don't know as far as me eating her out though - that's a mystery to me, mostly because rubbing her clit gets her off.

It's definitely the semen moreso that grosses her out. Giving head in general she is good at, and while it's not her first choice she would give head if I asked. But right now she will not let me cum in her.

Maybe you are right though and stuff like that will come with more comfort. Amazingly though, we are pretty comfortable If I can stand her and she can stand me for 72 hours straight we are doing okay methinks But I'm not about to sit here and act like I know jack shit. That's why I'm asking, so that is a good point - it could just be comfort level.
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Old 12-02-2010, 02:41 PM s0me0nesmind1 is offline  
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RazorWind
 
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Practice more. You've only been doing it for a month.

This.

Also, ask her how she likes you to touch her. You can suggest using a vibrator, but don't push the issue if she's not comfortable with it. Given that you've only been doing this for a month, you'll have plenty of time to try stuff like that later.

With respect to your second question, personally, I think the best answer is to make getting head part of foreplay, and not the whole show.

Something else I think is worth mentioning is that your expectations appear to be based on having watched a whole lot of porn. If your girl tells you she's enjoying sex with you, and is willing to keep doing it, I don't think I'd worry too much that my technique was lacking - at least for now. Don't get so hung up on making her have orgasms. Women don't experience sex the same way men do, and it can be satisfying for them, even if they don't have orgasms, and a lot of women don't have orgasms from penetration anyway.
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Old 12-02-2010, 02:48 PM RazorWind is offline  
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s0me0nesmind1
 
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With respect to your second question, personally, I think the best answer is to make getting head part of foreplay, and not the whole show.

My only concern here is wanting to feel what it's like. I have no doubt it will feel completely different than other methods.

Quote:
Something else I think is worth mentioning is that your expectations appear to be based on having watched a whole lot of porn. If your girl tells you she's enjoying sex with you, and is willing to keep doing it, I don't think I'd worry too much that my technique was lacking - at least for now. Don't get so hung up on making her have orgasms. Women don't experience sex the same way men do, and it can be satisfying for them, even if they don't have orgasms, and a lot of women don't have orgasms from penetration anyway.
No no no... I don't expect her to be squirting across the room after having 5 orgasms while the walls shake and the neighbors think theres an earthquake... I'm just genuinely concerned about her enjoyment. This is true though, she has plenty of enjoyment - well, enough to do it just about every day that we see each other. I'm not hung up, sad, disappointed, I don't lose my erection when she isn't getting it... just looking for some more "expert" advice

When it comes to practice I'm just not the type of personality who likes to learn from mistakes and only learn from mistakes. I'd rather research and get it right the first time or ASAP. Of course I don't expect to be a jackhammer porn star after a month of screwing, I just don't want to think I know what I'm doing when I don't. I have some ideas, but aside from cowgirl, missionary, and doggy we haven't tried much else - any recommendations there either? Sadly, the easiest and most comfortable (doggy) doesn't get her off at all.
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Old 12-02-2010, 03:04 PM s0me0nesmind1 is offline  
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cokezeroholic
 
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Get a small bullet vibrator and incorporate it into foreplay, get into normal straight sex, and then whip it out again and try to have a mutual climax. As for the blowjob stuff. My wife wont get to the point of finishing me off because of the gross factor, but it doesn't bother me much because she is open to finishing me with a hj.
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Old 12-02-2010, 06:25 PM cokezeroholic is offline  
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Finger her when you go down on her. She'll go nuts.
Old 12-02-2010, 07:48 PM mainbrotha is offline  
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When it comes to practice I'm just not the type of personality who likes to learn from mistakes and only learn from mistakes. I'd rather research and get it right the first time or ASAP. Of course I don't expect to be a jackhammer porn star after a month of screwing, I just don't want to think I know what I'm doing when I don't. I have some ideas, but aside from cowgirl, missionary, and doggy we haven't tried much else - any recommendations there either? Sadly, the easiest and most comfortable (doggy) doesn't get her off at all.

Sex isn't really something you can research, every couple is going to work out things that work for them individually. Your sex life will grow and evolve with time, especially as you get some more experience under your belt. There's lots of subtle positioning stuff that can make a huge difference. Angling your hips just so during missionary can really change the experience, etc. Even stuff that worked for past partners might not here, because of anatomy differences and such.

Just have fun with it, if you're both open and communicate, you'll figure out stuff that works for both of you. Don't put too much pressure on yourself right away, you're still learning and all.
Old 12-02-2010, 07:59 PM Gibonius is offline  
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theNoid
 
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She also says she has NEVER used a vibrator or any sex toys .

This is her problem. If she doesn't know how to please herself, how the fuck can she expect anyone else to do it for her? Get this chick a vibrator, draw her a bath and take off for the night.

Quote:
Originally Posted by s0me0nesmind1 View Post
She gives head - just to the point of orgasm Is that in any way normal?

I can count on 1 hand how many times in my life I've orgasmed from a blowjob. I lost count when I was a teenager at how much head I had gotten, its just not something that gets me 'there'. Its foreplay through and through, and riles me up to lay pipe. Another thing you need to keep in mind, real life is not a porno. Sometimes she won't finish.. sometimes nobody will finish. Usually you will because what guy gives up? But there are times in real life where you just wont finish for a myrad of reasons.

edit. Any why do you know how many guys she's slept with? Pro tip, none of this shit EVER matters, trying to find out for any reason is a telltale sign of insecurity and unlocking skeletons in someones closet does nothing good for a relationship. In the future, don't ask.. and if girls offer to tell you reply with, "Doesn't matter, I don't want to know." Everyone has a past, everyone. Digging it up makes no sense, it only serves to quench the thirst of insecurity and controlling personalities. Its also part of growing up and engaging in adult relationships.

You are communicating though so thats good. The best sex in relationships tends to be early on when there is a lot of excitement. It can be just as great later, but it take a bit of work. Also sometims you're just not going to 'click' sexually with some people, your gf is not like every other guys gf's or stories of girls who slop up blowjobs. If she doesn't want to change her prowess, you wont make her. But... she's your first, and likely will not be your last. Have fun.
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Last edited by theNoid; 12-05-2010 at 01:40 PM..
Old 12-05-2010, 01:27 PM theNoid is offline  
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1) Could you clarify about whether you mean actually cumming or just plain having an orgasm? Many women have orgasms, few actually cum. My guess is it's just having an orgasm. The first little bit with some chicks it's hard to figure out what gets them going. Each of us has a different way of getting off the best, you just have to figure out what her way is.

About getting her going... I was confused when I first went down on my wife because she doesn't like any penetration while I'm going down on her, which is far different than any other girl I've been with. So like I said with 1), each girl feels things differently. She might not like tons of clitoral stimulation with your tongue, she might like it, just feel it out and you'll get her off just fine.

And the BJ stuff, ask her for it once just to experience it. Tell her you'll eat some pineapple beforehand so it won't taste so bad
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Old 12-06-2010, 08:54 AM Runding is offline  
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Trachei
 
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She might need a confidence boost to get off. Whisper in her ear when you're fingering/sexing her how much you love her pussy, how good it feels, how much you love getting her wet, how it turns you on so much, and how you want her to come all over your dick, etc.

Pick and choose whatever you want, but getting into it is what matters. If you say it like the Microsoft voice, it might not work, haha. From what I've noticed, just talking about it makes it way easier.

Also, girls are freaks too. I have sexed some who like freaky things, but very few of them openly offered without me weaseling it out of them.

Overall, keep it casual, and have fun. If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong.
Old 12-06-2010, 02:16 PM Trachei is offline  
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