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Restrik
 
"Honesty is the best policy"

My recent problems have caused me to take a look at myself, but a way to do so, i also see how other's view me.

My philosophy, is that while you are the first and last stop in what makes you, you, the way other people view you, their "idea" of you

Example: You may think you're nice, but people may think you're an ass...they tell other people, so when you meet someone you've never met before, but they know someone you know that had the opinion you're an ass, their first impression of you is, you're an ass...and you have to work around that...

I asked multiple people (mostly girls) what they said my problem might be...

they said, that, I"m too open, and forward about my feelings. which is bad...yet good later on...


I don't like to play games...I like you, I tell you. Beating around the bush just seems pointless....

Why is it bad for me to not be honest and open? Why is it wrong to not tell a girl I think she's attractive, that I like her personality, and I would like to hang out with her more often.....?

relationships are so stupid
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You can take a teal deer, teach it to dance, play the banjo and quote Hemingway but it will still be teal, and it will still be a deer. -HeatMiser
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Old 03-23-2004, 01:54 PM Restrik is offline  
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Pokeman Master
Gren
 
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Girls are weird and have cooties.
Old 03-23-2004, 02:00 PM Pokeman Master is offline  
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#2  

PenguinMan
 
why the fuck are you concerned with what others think of you? if you carry yourself how you want to be seen, people will see you that way.
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Old 03-23-2004, 02:02 PM PenguinMan is offline  
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Jynus
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Restrik
Why is it bad for me to not be honest and open? Why is it wrong to not tell a girl I think she's attractive, that I like her personality, and I would like to hang out with her more often.....?
if you like someone then great, but telling them that when they don't feel the same way WILL PUSH THEM AWAY!!! this is common sense phycology at work. it has nothing to do with games. she doesn't have a vested emotional or physical attachment to you. she's a stranger, she doesn't feel anything towards you except as an aquantience... now here you come "not playing games and telling it like you feel" and say you like her, you have feelings for her, etc... how the fuck else is she supposed to react... how is this supposed to change how she was towards you before you said anything??

she doesn't feel attracted to you because, well, the 2 of you haven't done ANYTHING to build that... in normal peoples minds, to be attracted to each other, you have to actually _do things toether_ first. you're jumping that crucial step, you're building a fake attraction without actually doing anything. this is freaky, it's not normal, it scares normal people because that's not the way the world works. they become afraid and want the non-normal person as far away from them as possible...
Old 03-23-2004, 02:12 PM Jynus is offline  
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Jynus
 
Quote:
Originally posted by PenguinMan
why the fuck are you concerned with what others think of you? if you carry yourself how you want to be seen, people will see you that way.
it's one thing to carry yourself how you want to be seen, it's a far cry however from actually knowing how to change yourself to acomplish it...

i want to be cool and popular, so all i have to do is carry myself that way and other people will see it?!? wow, i didn't know it's that easy!
Old 03-23-2004, 02:15 PM Jynus is offline  
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Restrik
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Jynus
if you like someone then great, but telling them that when they don't feel the same way WILL PUSH THEM AWAY!!! this is common sense phycology at work. it has nothing to do with games. she doesn't have a vested emotional or physical attachment to you. she's a stranger, she doesn't feel anything towards you except as an aquantience... now here you come "not playing games and telling it like you feel" and say you like her, you have feelings for her, etc... how the fuck else is she supposed to react... how is this supposed to change how she was towards you before you said anything??

she doesn't feel attracted to you because, well, the 2 of you haven't done ANYTHING to build that... in normal peoples minds, to be attracted to each other, you have to actually _do things toether_ first. you're jumping that crucial step, you're building a fake attraction without actually doing anything. this is freaky, it's not normal, it scares normal people because that's not the way the world works. they become afraid and want the non-normal person as far away from them as possible...

I'm not talking about the day we meet. I'm talking about when we've hung out for a while, and we know each other to a degree...

Maybe I just advance relationships to a serious level before its ready...I don't know....meh
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Old 03-23-2004, 02:34 PM Restrik is offline  
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Jivus
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Restrik

Maybe I just advance relationships to a serious level before its ready...I don't know....meh
Answered your own question. People take time to make decisions like that. The trick is to sense when the feeling is mutual. If its not mutual then it won't happen.
Old 03-23-2004, 02:42 PM Jivus is offline  
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PenguinMan
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Jynus
it's one thing to carry yourself how you want to be seen, it's a far cry however from actually knowing how to change yourself to acomplish it...

i want to be cool and popular, so all i have to do is carry myself that way and other people will see it?!? wow, i didn't know it's that easy!
i respectfully disagree, although the disagreement may be in how we interpret my post. if i carry myself as cool and popular, i will be cool and popular; the caveat of course is that to carry myself as such i must BE cool and popular. towards that end, my means of achieving that is making friends with people whom i feel to be popular, being myself, and being accepted as part of the cool and popular group. get me?
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Old 03-23-2004, 05:44 PM PenguinMan is offline  
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Jynus
 
Quote:
Originally posted by PenguinMan
i respectfully disagree, although the disagreement may be in how we interpret my post. if i carry myself as cool and popular, i will be cool and popular; the caveat of course is that to carry myself as such i must BE cool and popular. towards that end, my means of achieving that is making friends with people whom i feel to be popular, being myself, and being accepted as part of the cool and popular group. get me?
i agree with the interpetation part... it's a catch 22 in that sense. yes, once you achieve your goal of what you want you can simply "be" and you "are"... but from the outside looking in, it's a learning process, it's not just simply carrying yourself how you want. it's understanding what you need to convey with you acting. things like how you carry yourself, what you say, what you wear, how you react to sitations, etc etc. it's something that you must _learn_.. once you understand it, then you go on autopilot and it becomes natural and part of who you are (ie: you can be yourself; the yourself you _want_ to be) but it's still a lot of learning and acting to get to that point..
Old 03-23-2004, 07:08 PM Jynus is offline  
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Cocktease_1
 
I would love that quality in a guy. I agree that there is no point in beating around the bush and that if you're interested in someone, to tell them. Could your problem be that you express negative feelings in an insensitive way? Some things shouldn't be said to young girls/women as many are already self concious and your potential insensitivity may hurt their self-esteem?
Old 03-23-2004, 07:21 PM Cocktease_1 is offline  
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#10  

PiIntheSky
 
I don't know... lately I've been realizing more and more that honesty is overrated.
Old 03-25-2004, 08:14 PM PiIntheSky is offline  
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#11  

Jivus
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Bombshell_1
I would love that quality in a guy. I agree that there is no point in beating around the bush and that if you're interested in someone, to tell them. Could your problem be that you express negative feelings in an insensitive way? Some things shouldn't be said to young girls/women as many are already self concious and your potential insensitivity may hurt their self-esteem?
Sure you'd love that quality in a guy, but if you had no intention of dating him before he said that is it realistic for him to think that you'd change your mind just because he asked?
Old 03-26-2004, 09:27 AM Jivus is offline  
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#12  

Allnighte
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Restrik

Why is it bad for me to not be honest and open? Why is it wrong to not tell a girl I think she's attractive, that I like her personality, and I would like to hang out with her more often.....?

relationships are so stupid
ive gotten very honest and open. very very very

basically... at least from what i've seen... is that the ones that cant handle it really arent mature enough for me

i like smart girls who think before they act, and not do things based solely on emotions

this subject is pretty deep for me to lay it all out, especially since i have a hard time putting my thoughts into words in the first place.

but basically i act myself. i dont do things because it's what girls want to hear. i dont "play the game"
im just myself and i want to surround myself with people who are the same way

and so far, ever since the beginning of this year, ive found 4 girls who are very much the same way. weve built a strong friendship thanks to being honest and open. and i dont have to guess about how they feel towards me, because theyve told me i'm "genuine" (yes thats a real quote :P)

this isnt something you can just turn on though, its taken me a long time to get to where i am, and im still learning more about myself as time goes on
Old 03-26-2004, 03:46 PM Allnighte is offline  
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