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Yotem
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chet Bateman View Post
I don't understand why she keeps him around at this point. This guy is a frustratingly immature jackass. what does he have to do to reach the end of his rope? kill her dog? Does she like the attention? Is she keeping him around as a fall back?

She likes his spine and balls. Especially if you show as little of their existence to her directly as you do to her ex (there is a mid-point between gutless nice wimp and puppy kicking bastard). So as pretty much everyone else in the thread I also recommend you get some.
Old 01-12-2010, 11:31 AM Yotem is offline  
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Runding
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Trachei View Post
Either way, quit being a punching bag...
Take charge.
QFT.

Communication is absolutely critical in every relationship. She needs to know how you feel about this, and if she doesn't adapt(not necessarily telling the fool to GTFO of her/your life, but at least to change things regarding the relationship), you need to run. It's not worth it.

As a rule of thumb, understand that it's not always "Is she right for me?" but "Am I right for her?". Once you look at it that way, you might realize that things aren't lining up for you both.
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Old 01-12-2010, 04:08 PM Runding is offline  
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#17  

worldspawn
 
hes teasing her clit
Old 01-12-2010, 07:55 PM worldspawn is offline  
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#18  

Electrikfuzz050
 
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tbh you all sound like you're being immature in this situation
him for loitering
her for not changing her facebook status to not upset him
you for caring if she has you posted as her boyfriend on facebook
Old 01-12-2010, 08:52 PM Electrikfuzz050 is offline  
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#19  

bigandy839
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grow a set of harbles and tell her to stop being a manipulative OMGOMGOMGOMG
Old 01-12-2010, 09:49 PM bigandy839 is offline  
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#20  

Foolioq
 
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she almost sounds afraid of him, if hes raging at her he might be immature and have rage problems.

Seriously, you're 21. You don't need this shit. You can find a better relationship. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but you can.

but if you want, when he takes potshots at you, tell him you're fucking his ex. Ask him the last time he had sex with her, and then say the last time you did. Ask him what kind of pathetic man clings to his ex. Call him out on his shit. He'll "rage at" you then your girl will pick a side. If she picks yours, you're rid of him. If she picks him, you know where you stand. This is not very mature post. This is not the safest most civilized option but don't take this guys shit sitting down because its your girlfriends fucking ex. I can't believe you're this whipped already. If he wants to push, push back. He can shit on her all he wants and she allows but once hes messing with you, fuck that.
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Last edited by Foolioq; 01-12-2010 at 10:31 PM..
Old 01-12-2010, 10:20 PM Foolioq is offline  
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#21  

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Thats stupid.
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Old 01-12-2010, 11:22 PM Golf(e) is offline  
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#22  

Chet Bateman
 
well, I took some of the advice in this thread and made it very clear to her how i felt about things. basically presented an ultimatum. she claims that she didn't/doesn't see his behaviour/her response to his behavior as a problem, but in spite of that, we eventually came to a conclusion that i feel okay about. she wanted to keep ignoring him, so we agreed that she could continue to try that - on the condition that she tells him off/lays down the law the next time he tries to contact her in the fashion that i wrote about in my OP. definitely not budging from this spot.

as for the facebook thing, it didn't break my heart... just disturbing in conjunction with everything else.

Thanks all for the advice.
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Old 01-13-2010, 01:41 AM Chet Bateman is offline  
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#23  

Trachei
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chet Bateman View Post
well, I took some of the advice in this thread and made it very clear to her how i felt about things. basically presented an ultimatum. she claims that she didn't/doesn't see his behaviour/her response to his behavior as a problem, but in spite of that, we eventually came to a conclusion that i feel okay about. she wanted to keep ignoring him, so we agreed that she could continue to try that - on the condition that she tells him off/lays down the law the next time he tries to contact her in the fashion that i wrote about in my OP. definitely not budging from this spot.

as for the facebook thing, it didn't break my heart... just disturbing in conjunction with everything else.

Thanks all for the advice.

To be honest. All you did was put the pressure on her. You haven't solved anything. All you have done is put her into an uncomfortable position that maybe she didn't want to be in.

Ultimately, yes, it is up to her to decide what she wants. But, your position puts you into a place where instead of just saying it's "him or me", you could have easily pushed yourself so much farther that it wouldn't even had been an issue.

You would only feel this way if he were a threat. What have you done to resolve a threat besides somehow try and convince her that he is a threat she shouldn't trust? What happens when the next guy comes? And after that? Are you going to give an ultimatum every-time she may stray because you feel threatened?

This isn't a one time thing where you have her, and now she stays yours.

I'll leave you with this. Instead of living a life of fear because of some other guy, why don't you just live the best life you can live and go from there

Last edited by Trachei; 01-13-2010 at 03:50 AM..
Old 01-13-2010, 03:25 AM Trachei is offline  
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#24  

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I had an ex who had a new boyfriend and she would just 'hang out' with me and we were 'just friends.'



She was cheating on him with me.


Take that with a grain of salt, but I'm just giving you a heads up on my own experiences.
Old 01-13-2010, 03:36 AM trumpcard is offline  
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#25  

Chet Bateman
 
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Originally Posted by Trachei View Post
I'll leave you with this. Instead of living a life of fear because of some other guy, why don't you just live the best life you can live and go from there

in your last post you said you favoured confrontation with the ex. I'm trying to avoid that out of respect for her desire to remain friends with him. What would you have done? i like the cut of your jib, but I don't understand how you would achieve any of the outcomes you wrote about.

i mean, she claims that she didn't even recognize what was going on as a problem. I've made it clear that it is a problem. I asked her to, if things continue, to make a gesture that indicates to him that she is committed to me (as well as proving (in my eyes) that SHE is committed to ME). that's my big issue... not necessarily him (though he is annoying) but her reaction to him.
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Old 01-13-2010, 04:25 AM Chet Bateman is offline  
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#26  

Trachei
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chet Bateman View Post
in your last post you said you favoured confrontation with the ex. I'm trying to avoid that out of respect for her desire to remain friends with him. What would you have done? i like the cut of your jib, but I don't understand how you would achieve any of the outcomes you wrote about.

i mean, she claims that she didn't even recognize what was going on as a problem. I've made it clear that it is a problem. I asked her to, if things continue, to make a gesture that indicates to him that she is committed to me (as well as proving (in my eyes) that SHE is committed to ME). that's my big issue... not necessarily him (though he is annoying) but her reaction to him.

I'll give you the cut. I don't like to give specifics because life isn't about what I said, and then you copy and then you live a happy life forever and ever.

I gave a specific scenario in my first response. Serious relationship, guy won't ever leave, she is still interested, gives off a signal that she may not be (at least to the OP, but we all know better).

So, the OP has a few choices. He can squash a bug that could possibly be a flea that just happened to hang along for the ride after a breakup. It happens. We're all human.

But, what allows the flea to fester. The feeling that she is missing out. That she is missing something from her current relationship that is fulfilled from a previous one. What causes this? Bullshit expectations. She misses excitement. She misses a sense of danger. Are these realistic expectations that one should need to stay in a committed relationship? I don't know. That's for you to find out. That's the journey.

This is not just from women, but from guys also. It's so common. The need to impress and that everything you do is being watched. That everything you say is being judged. Like you're on a platter waiting to be dissected by everyone "else".

Get over yourself.

Life is a test of self reflection. Where you analyze past behavior and realize how much of an ass you were, and if you had only known what you know now.

Quit living in the past.

Advance yourself. Don't hate on your woman for wanting exciting things. It's only human nature. You yourself would only feel unexciting if you had low self-worth. That's what needs changing.

Think about it for more than ten minutes.

Last edited by Trachei; 01-13-2010 at 04:48 AM.. Reason: damn typos. It sucks when you change sentances and forget to fix something
Old 01-13-2010, 04:42 AM Trachei is offline  
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#27  

Trachei
 
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I don't want to mess up the concise thought I had when writing the previous post, so this is separate.

OP. Why would an issue like this come up? Would it come up if you guys were having the most exciting time of your lives? If you both truly felt a complete connection?

I'm definitely not saying break-up. I'm saying, analyze yourself and find out what is really making you unhappy. Is it her talking to someone else? Or is it that she finds someone else more interesting?

Those two questions convey different emotional responses. And these aren't questions that you need to answer on a message board, but questions you must ask yourself.
Old 01-13-2010, 05:03 AM Trachei is offline  
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#28  

Trachei
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chet Bateman View Post
i mean, she claims that she didn't even recognize what was going on as a problem. I've made it clear that it is a problem. I asked her to, if things continue, to make a gesture that indicates to him that she is committed to me (as well as proving (in my eyes) that SHE is committed to ME). that's my big issue... not necessarily him (though he is annoying) but her reaction to him.

If she was 100 million percent committed to you this would have already happened btw. Would you really have to tell a chick that is totally in love with you that she has to stop hangin with the ex-bf in a sexual manner when you're around?

That's not a sign of no commitment though. It's a sign of you not showing your self worth and that no-one has to make a commitment to you.
Old 01-13-2010, 05:19 AM Trachei is offline  
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#29  

wilse
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Chet Bateman View Post
well, I took some of the advice in this thread and made it very clear to her how i felt about things. basically presented an ultimatum. she claims that she didn't/doesn't see his behaviour/her response to his behavior as a problem, but in spite of that, we eventually came to a conclusion that i feel okay about. she wanted to keep ignoring him, so we agreed that she could continue to try that - on the condition that she tells him off/lays down the law the next time he tries to contact her in the fashion that i wrote about in my OP. definitely not budging from this spot.

as for the facebook thing, it didn't break my heart... just disturbing in conjunction with everything else.

Thanks all for the advice.

you were on the right track, but you didn't do it with enough clarity
all you've done now is give her incentive to hide her interactions with this guy from you

it should have been a very clear
"if you can't cut contact with this guy, i walk"
not the wet noodle situation you describe
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Old 01-13-2010, 11:48 AM wilse is offline  
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