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ScumBag
 
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I think the problem might be that you've met a lot of girls in places where they tend to be flakes and one night stand material. Then when you meet women who are already in commited relationships you are dealing with a dfiferent breed of woman... it's not really that surprising. I kind of feel the same way. All the guys who say "there are plenty of single women out there"... well that may be true, but maybe there's a reason why they are single too? It's not that easy to meet a quality woman who wants more in life than "hey lets go dancing tonight and flirt with hot guyZsE Lo lolo"...

I've been known to say that one of the hardest things to accomplish in life is actually meeting someone you are truely compatible with because it almost seems like it's very dependant on luck. Most other things in life can be accomplished by hard work and dedication, but when it comes to meeting someone who shares your values and who is also attractive it is not something you can control very easily.

I say if you really like this girl just pull a move and see where that leads you... nothing to lose.
Old 01-24-2010, 01:28 PM ScumBag is offline  
#16  

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unknown00
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Gibonius View Post
Your actions are what makes this a trend. If you want to stop chasing girls with boyfriends, it's pretty straightforward: Once you find out they have a boyfriend, move on. The fact that you want to "stay friends" or whatever is what's leading to these issues, not any subtle mental problem. You hang out with someone you find attractive, duh, you're going to start wanting them bad. When you can't do anything about it, it turns into a complex. Stop subjecting yourself to it, find someone else. You're probably overlooking actual single girls right now while you're fixated on this girl.
if you read my original post, that's what i did. then randomly, she started talking to me...
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Old 01-24-2010, 01:53 PM unknown00 is offline  
#17  

Vendetta
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Wait I can't believe some of the stuff I'm reading in this thread. Don't fucking kiss her--you know she has a boyfriend (one you seem convinced she won't leave for you)--that's a douche move. Look at it from the other guys' perspective. If it was your chick would you want some douche a few states away to kiss her because he wanted to show her how much he wanted her?

I completely disagree with those in here saying you want her removes all your power. It's not that you are saying it, its WHAT you are saying. I was in a position like you once where a woman had a boyfriend, a serious one, but was quite close to me. Perhaps it was an emotional tampon relationship, I was younger and my clarity was not what it is now. I eventually had enough, and one night told her dead to rights "I want you". It wasn't shy, it wasn't "hesitant"--it was flat out and confident. I then told her she knew where to find me if she wanted a change. Was it still a bit of douchbaggery? A bit, as I knew she had a boyfriend. But at least I didn't force her into a situation she may not have wanted.

Last edited by Vendetta; 01-24-2010 at 02:21 PM..
Old 01-24-2010, 02:14 PM Vendetta is offline  
#18  

Dominion
 
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Wilse, clear out your inbox... I just tried PM'ing you, and can't cause your inbox is full. <3

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Originally Posted by Vendetta View Post
Wait I can't believe some of the stuff I'm reading in this thread. Don't fucking kiss her--you know she has a boyfriend (one you seem convinced she won't leave for you)--that's a douche move. Look at it from the other guys' perspective. If it was your chick would you want some douche a few states away to kiss her because he wanted to shower her how much he wanted her?

TSRH, but also you need to back off of this girl and move on to greener pastures that aren't currently taken.
Old 01-24-2010, 02:16 PM Dominion is offline  
#19  

Gibonius
 
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if you read my original post, that's what i did. then randomly, she started talking to me...

Right, and you made the decision to start hanging out with her every day. That's why you want her. You played it right originally, then caved when she came back. If you don't want to chase girls who have boyfriends...don't. Pretty simple.
Old 01-24-2010, 04:39 PM Gibonius is offline  
#20  

GeNoChRiSt
 
Quick question, would you like to be the long distance bf in this situation?

You're her comfort pillow at this point, most people would call this the 'friend zone'.

From the sounds of it you played right into her trap as well, your obsessed and need to step back and look in.

Has she done anything other than hanging out with you to make you have a reason to have these feelings?

Quote:
Originally Posted by unknown00 View Post
CLIFFS: i really really like this girl but she has a long-distance bf

from my history (if anyone recalls), i use to for some reason always get attracted to girls with bfs. well, i have progressed well away from that, until now.

i met this girl at my bday party. i didn't remember her much, but she facebooked me. i saw she had a bf, so i just didn't do anything. i did what a normal man should do, nothing. she has a bf, so i didn't care and didn't think twice about her. 3 months later (2 weeks ago), we began talked really late at night (like till 4am). she would just randomly start chatting with me. we kept talking and talking and we clicked so well. finally, when school started (last week), we have been hanging out EVERY day. everyday, i just get more and more attracted to her. i, unfortunately, would almost say i am obsessed with her. she is just like perfect for me

she has a bf. long-distance. 5 years older, been together for almost a year.

everyday i feel a stronger and stronger connection, but everyday i seem to realize more and more than i am clinging on to a hope that she will dump her bf for me, which won't happen. and it sucks, and it hurts, but i enjoy her company so much

i have decided that before she leaves to go see her bf for valentines day, i will admit my feelings, and tell her i can't continue this friendship, and just leave it like that. problem is, everyday i hang out with her more and more, i keep realizing it's harder and harder for me to let go. i feel like i should just tell her now, but i want to keep this friendship as long as i can

i'm just stuck. i make posts before about girls and stuff, but those are just flings and situations, this one is like, i'm head over heels for...
Old 01-24-2010, 04:49 PM GeNoChRiSt is offline  
#21  

unknown00
 
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Originally Posted by GeNoChRiSt View Post
Quick question, would you like to be the long distance bf in this situation?

You're her comfort pillow at this point, most people would call this the 'friend zone'.

From the sounds of it you played right into her trap as well, your obsessed and need to step back and look in.

Has she done anything other than hanging out with you to make you have a reason to have these feelings?
obviously, if i was her bf i wouldn't be happy. but then, from experience, i'm not one to touch long-distance relationships anymore. i've had my share of troubles with that

has she done anything? specifically? no, she is just being her, and i really like the person she is
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Old 01-24-2010, 04:56 PM unknown00 is offline  
#22  

GeNoChRiSt
 
Also consider its human nature to want what you can't have.

I think you should look for another person to pursue and keep this one on the back burner and wait for her and her long distance bf to break up.

Just my 2 cents.
Old 01-24-2010, 05:00 PM GeNoChRiSt is offline  
#23  

Vendetta
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unknown00 View Post
obviously, if i was her bf i wouldn't be happy. but then, from experience, i'm not one to touch long-distance relationships anymore. i've had my share of troubles with that

has she done anything? specifically? no, she is just being her, and i really like the person she is

It doesnt really matter if YOU don't touch LDRs, she obviously does until she changes her mind. My fiancee and I were long distance the first two years of our relationship, and she had guy friends that, for some, were more than just into her on a platonic level. I don't mind, as I know my fiancee is only interested in me--and would tell them as such. But if a guy were to just kiss her, to put her in that position (which she would not want) to try and get her? I'm going to go have a chat with the guy.
Old 01-24-2010, 05:24 PM Vendetta is offline  
#24  

:ninja:
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I was in a LDR for six months. Then she left me for someone local. I was pretty asshurt at first but I finally realized that she's a big girl.


Just because she's dating doesn't mean she's chained to this guy. I haven't seen statistics but I'd figure that the majority of long distance relationships end pretty quickly... and for good reason. Why be in a relationship with someone you can't be with? It's pointless.


Every situation is different, but for the love of god don't kiss her or (if you had the chance) sleep with her until she's actually single. Be a gentleman about it. Though I don't feel that there is anything wrong with courting a woman in a non-serious relationship. That's why it's called dating... not eternal-and-permanent-bond-which-is-holy-and-sacred. That's marriage, but even nowadays who knows; half of those end quickly too.



I'll just go ahead and list my points:
* Taking her out is okay
* Letting her know you want a relationship is okay
* Anything physical is not okay

Like I said - be a gentleman about it. It's her decision, not yours or her boyfriends. She's a big girl and can make her own choices. You only need to provide her with a choice. If she declines, who cares. If she takes it, then hooray for you. Tough luck for the BF, that's life. Hopefully he's not a crazy douchebag who'll fly out to kick your ass.
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Old 01-25-2010, 01:43 AM :ninja: is offline  
#25  

Coqui
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unknown00 View Post
self-esteem issues? confidence issues? some people consider me very cocky. i have worked with tons of celebrities. hell i'm gonna chill with pdiddy at nba all-star weekend. friends and i started our own internet company. just got an offer to have be a guest DJ in vegas. some pple say i brag too much of my accomplishments.

being honest, i think everyone is insecure sometimes, but i in no way think that's why i go for girls that have bfs. hell half the time i don't even know they have a bf until like the 2nd or 3rd time we hang out

even so, i appreciate you trying to narrow down my problem. i just tell myself "all good girls are taken"

Did you just compare working with celebrities the same thing as talking with a girl you want?
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Old 01-25-2010, 06:23 AM Coqui is offline  
#26  

unknown00
 
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Did you just compare working with celebrities the same thing as talking with a girl you want?
in terms of just confidence, yes.


thanks everyone for the responses. one reason i like to post here is because everyone's opinion makes me THINK. and when i THINK, i realize how much i'm letting something that's not in my control and something that's kinda "pathetic" bother me so much. therefore, i get pissed at myself for being so sensitive, and hence i let my mind gain control over my emotions more. at this very moment, i'm thinking outside the box and i'm just pissed at myself for investing so much time into her just cause she has a boyfriend. period. maybe its cause its monday morning i dunno. but i'm just pissed and confused right now haha
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Old 01-25-2010, 08:18 AM unknown00 is offline  
#27  

unknown00
 
Funny thing, it kinda just ended. She just suddenly stopped talking to me and I'm confused on why. When I asked yesterday, she said she is just busy with school, but I don't think that's it. She use to like text me right when she woke up, in between classes, etc. But now it just stopped. No idea why...I KNOW she is texting as I write this, but not me. No idea why...??
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Old 01-26-2010, 09:08 AM unknown00 is offline  
#28  

wilse
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by unknown00 View Post
Funny thing, it kinda just ended. She just suddenly stopped talking to me and I'm confused on why. When I asked yesterday, she said she is just busy with school, but I don't think that's it. She use to like text me right when she woke up, in between classes, etc. But now it just stopped. No idea why...I KNOW she is texting as I write this, but not me. No idea why...??

1)
based upon your responses, why do you care?

2)
maybe she remembered she's in a committed relationship
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Old 01-26-2010, 10:57 AM wilse is offline  
#29  

plainsong
 
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Originally Posted by wilse View Post
1)
based upon your responses, why do you care?

2)
maybe she remembered she's in a committed relationship
Old 01-26-2010, 12:35 PM plainsong is offline  
#30  

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