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I am losing attraction to my wife of 15 years

Over the years, my wife has gained weight. She is now probably 5` 4" and is probably 210.

We are both 41. I have gained weight in the past as well. But at 6` 4", it has only hit my stomach area, and I have been working on correcting that issue. And I have lost weight. She has not tried to really lose any weight at all. But she is self concious about her weight gain. But has no motivation to do anything about it.

It has affected our sex life because I dont have that sex drive when I look at her. I feel absolutely horrible about it, but never want to hurt her feelings. The bigger problem is the fact that I am probably doing that anyway because of my lack of interest.

It is a large no win scenario for me. I guess I just wanted to vent for a moment.

thanks for reading.
Old 05-14-2013, 06:12 AM acdcking12 is offline  
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dio's Avatar
try to lose weight together?
Old 05-21-2013, 12:59 AM dio is offline  
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HeLLFiRe's Avatar
Change your lifestyle together, get out and get some exercise perhaps martial arts or join a co-ed softball league. Change the foods you eat. Do things together that bring out the best in each other. Just try not to force it.
Old 05-26-2013, 09:53 AM HeLLFiRe is offline  
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Explain in a calm manner that sex is something couples NEED to have in order to survive, which is why you are doing your best to "stay in good shape for her". If she continues to wallow in self pity, you'll now have a "less attractive" wife AND a less exciting wife. You just have to show her how important this is by leading by example. It then falls in her lap to make a change, or risk potentially failing the relationship after all these years. Weight gain can lead to depression, which won't help in the marriage department either. You HAVE to find each other physically attractive for a long term relationship to work.

related note: any kids?
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Old 05-29-2013, 09:01 AM Typhoon43 is offline  
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Last edited by Typhoon43; 06-26-2013 at 01:33 PM.. Reason: Berating reply in the BC
Old 06-23-2013, 06:14 PM Rancidpunk666 is offline  
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Yep - lifestyle change entirely. Get active.
Old 07-11-2013, 11:02 AM topslop1 is offline  
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i have 2 tips:

1 - if you aren't already, be the grocery shopper. don't buy the the junk food. don't put it in your cart. if it's not in your kitchen, you can't eat it. so don't buy. don't buy shit that tastes good, buy stuff that has nutritional content. if the food has no nutrition, don't buy it. and stop going out to eat all the time.

2 - learn to cook. i just made myself a freaking seared ribeye with butter and rosemary over a spinach, red pepper, cucumber, celery and walnut salad. cooking is a great skill to have, then you know everything you are putting into your body. cook yourself and her healthy meals.
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Old 08-10-2013, 01:21 PM oleo is offline  
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Most people are going to suggest she change and lose weight. If you can get medical labs done and her cholesterol is over 150, go to and she will be healthier and lose weight. You too. Bad circulation shows up in guys with softer erections and difficulty being hard and staying hard.

I would bet though, some of the problems are you own aging. Look up Andropause and get your own hormones the testosterone syndrome. Your erections don't happen as fast, and you need stimulation to get hard? It must be her, not me, is what most men think but often it's part of your own aging. And it's not all bad--getting sucked from soft to hard is a great feeling.

And some guys can learn to love and be into a woman they love deeply who is now a BBW...after all she has been beside you for decades. Through thick and thin, for better and worse...focus on the love you feel and use actual physical stimulation to achieve erection. You two may also be suffering from things being the same--all you can do there is find what works for you to spice it up....watching porn, dressing up, going out for date nights and even weekends are worth doing.

And consider asking your doc about ED meds--yeah, 40's are when guys use them sometimes. No doc will think it weird at your age. You are older than you think you are!!!!!!!!!!!!!

good luck
Old 08-26-2013, 04:30 PM letmeinnow is offline  
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The Smegman
You need to spice things up in the bedroom. If you have a gun, one thing you could try is penetrating her (either hole, doesn't matter) with the barrel BUT (and this is very important) you need to have a round in the chamber and you should keep your finger on the trigger. You could use the safety, I don't but whatever you're comfortable with. Don't make too big of a deal about this, just a little casual *heh* gunplay. Masturbate furiously while doing this. I promise you will not regrets this. Whatever gun you use, make sure the front sight isn't too big. Something like a glock or winchester 70 would be ideal but don't let yourself be limited by that
Old 09-28-2015, 08:50 PM The Smegman is offline  
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for fuckssake,.
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Old 10-05-2015, 05:23 AM Rancidpunk666 is offline  
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What kind of resurrection was that, fucko?
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