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franksterrr
 
I had 90+ patient that w/alzheimers and was picking small balls of shit out of her bottom and stacking them on the bedsheet. when I entered the room, she was already eating them. She looked up and smiled with shit on her teeth and said "want some chocolate?" I was like omfg.

I had another 90+ that was so constipated when she shit it was like bigger round than a pop can and about a meter long, I had to call maintenance to unclog an industrial size toilet.

Lastly, a few months ago I had a post surgical 90+, that hadn't gone for about a week. she say's she usually "picks at is a little" to get it started. I was like omfg! so I give her a few enemas and they dont work, so I had to put the gloves on and go in..... fucken nasty smellin, had my hand up her old fucking ass.
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:22 PM franksterrr is offline  
#181  

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Valve1138
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L33T_h4x0r_d00d
I used to work at Kids World which is what you get when a Toys R Us fucks a Kids R Us. .

dude, I have tears streaming from my eyes from this post.

fucking hilarious.
Old 03-14-2005, 07:23 PM Valve1138 is offline  
#182  

Bullit
Steve McQueeeeeen
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by franksterrr
I had 90+ patient that w/alzheimers and was picking small balls of shit out of her bottom and stacking them on the bedsheet. when I entered the room, she was already eating them. She looked up and smiled with shit on her teeth and said "want some chocolate?" I was like omfg.

I had another 90+ that was so constipated when she shit it was like bigger round than a pop can and about a meter long, I had to call maintenance to unclog an industrial size toilet.

Lastly, a few months ago I had a post surgical 90+, that hadn't gone for about a week. she say's she usually "picks at is a little" to get it started. I was like omfg! so I give her a few enemas and they dont work, so I had to put the gloves on and go in..... fucken nasty smellin, had my hand up her old fucking ass.

this is the stuff i cant wait for . im applying for my colleges nursing program next semester hahaha
Old 03-14-2005, 07:24 PM Bullit is offline  
#183  

Suicide King
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by franksterrr
I had 90+ patient that w/alzheimers and was picking small balls of shit out of her bottom and stacking them on the bedsheet. when I entered the room, she was already eating them. She looked up and smiled with shit on her teeth and said "want some chocolate?" I was like omfg.

I had another 90+ that was so constipated when she shit it was like bigger round than a pop can and about a meter long, I had to call maintenance to unclog an industrial size toilet.

Lastly, a few months ago I had a post surgical 90+, that hadn't gone for about a week. she say's she usually "picks at is a little" to get it started. I was like omfg! so I give her a few enemas and they dont work, so I had to put the gloves on and go in..... fucken nasty smellin, had my hand up her old fucking ass.

my doctor suggested i go to nursing school.

i declined.
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:26 PM Suicide King is offline  
#184  

Izolate
 
LOL @ Thread

1. I am pooping in this chair laughing so hard
2. ...
3. no profit yet profit

fake edit: in b4 valut?
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:26 PM Izolate is offline  
#185  

Bullit
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Quote:
Originally Posted by SuicideKing
my doctor suggested i go to nursing school.

i declined.

why?
Old 03-14-2005, 07:27 PM Bullit is offline  
#186  

coach
 
This isn't really a story about my own pooping disaster, but I will tell it anyways.

Ever since I was a little kid, I knew a kid who had a history of pooping his pants. Well, we all have our problems and he is a nice guy, so I always tried to look past it. A few years back, my mom was taking a computer class. Since she doesn't know much about computers and I don't have the patience to help her, she called said Poop Barron (who is pretty good with computers) to come over and help her. She went over to his house and picked him up and brought him back to our place. While they were down in the basement working on the computer, I was upstairs in my room taking a nap. After a while, I hear someone coming up the stairs and by the way they were breathing, it didn't sound like they were feeling well. Now, the bathroom was right across the hall from my room. I could hear just about everything that went on in there. I heard the door shut and then I heard the flood gates open just as loud as if he were sitting on my ear and shitting. I giggled at the sound of someone pooping, but just opened my window and went back to sleep. After about 30 minutes of constant shit sounds and about 9 flushes, he goes back downstairs. I figured the worst was over, so I turned on the TV and started to relax for the evening. After about 3 minutes, my mom comes upstairs and tells me that she has to take this guy (who from this point forward we'll call Waldo) home and if I needed to use the bathroom to go down and use the laundry room bathroom. Of course, I forgot her counsil by the time she was out the door and decided I wanted to take a piss before one of my programs came on. I walked across the hall, opened my bathroom door and was immediately struck by the smell. It was one of those smells that is so bad and hits you so hard that you close your eyes for a second out of some sort of survival instinct.

When I opened my eyes, needless to say, I was horrified by the scene which greeted me. There was poop ALL OVER the wall surrounding the toilet. Strike one. There was poop ALL OVER the floor surrounding the toilet. Strike two. And my poor toilet was almost overflowing with pure liquid shit. Traumatized, I did the only thing I could, yelled for my dad to come up and look. He came up and in between gags let out a steady string of swears and profanities. To make matters worse, I just remembered that my mom's van was in the shop - she was driving Waldo home in MY CAR!

After my mom got home and spent 2 hours cleaning my bathroom and another 1.5 cleaning the inside of my car, she told my dad and I exactly what had happened. Apparently while they were working, Waldo was letting out a series of small, but potent farts. We all guess that the final one was the kiss of death and he sharted in his pants because my mom said he darted like a mad man up the stairs to use the bathroom. After shitting all over the bathroom, he came back downstairs and told my mom that he needed to go home stat. The entire drive back to his house, he was explaining to my mom (while letting bursts of shit out onto my car seat) that he had eaten Pizza Hut, which always gives him explosive shits. For the next week, we found little shit pellets that must have run down his leg during his flight to and from the bathroom.

Suprisingly enough, my car never stunk. The Virgin Mary air freshener that I had on my rear view mirror protected me from the smells of his evil. Hail Mary, full of grace! To this day, on a hot day at my dad's house, you can still smell a slight stink of poop, a constant reminder of that fateful night.
Old 03-14-2005, 07:30 PM coach is offline  
#187  

Penelope
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I am glad to say that I've never had anywhere close to such an experiance.

I guess I'm not a true genmayer.
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:30 PM Penelope is offline  
#188  

Gearhead
god of welders and keeper of the magical torch
 
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I had a piss misshap a few weeks ago.

Went to a party with my buddy slayer dave and a bunch of other metal heads. Thankfully i was wearing my dickies cause I went into the bathroom to start pissing, and well for some reason I let go of the moster and my right inner pant leg was covered in piss and a huge puddle of it on the foor with a radius of about 2 feet.

Hot girls were banging on the door all I could say was I'll be out in a minute! I went through 3 rolls of TP sopping up all the piss *I was pretty much drunk* and thank God dickies are fairly resistant to water. Could hardly tell I pissed myself. Good thing everybody there was either drunk or high, cause nobody noticed
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:36 PM Gearhead is offline  
#189  

coach
 
I guess since we are all friends here, I might as well share my pooping story, even though it is pretty lame compared to everyone else's.

Last year, I was really sick with the flu for about a week after I came home from college for the summer. By the time I started feeling better, it was just starting to feel like spring. It was still cool outside, but it just had a certain warm feel in the air that makes you feel like a million bucks to go outside. I was still feeling kind of crappy, but I wanted to get out of the house for a while, so I decided to go for a quick run around my neighborhood. Now, as stated earlier in the thread, nothing seems to quicken the need to shit better than a brisk run. About a block from my house, I felt a poop perculating in my bowels. This wasn't a problem for me, if anything, I was looking forward to settling down on the toilet when I got home and taking a nice, relaxing shit. Life would be good. About halfway into my run, I really had to poop. Since it was now quicker to run home than turn back, I just kept going. I let out a lengthy fart, which bought me a little time and made me feel a little better, but by this time, I was lengthening my stride to get hom as quick as I could. As I rounded the block for the last stretch of my run, I let out another fart to hopefully relieve some of the pressure I was feeling. At the tail end of my fart, the magic happened. I could feel poop nuggets exiting my anus and dripping down my butt. I started in on a full sprint back home. Now, I'm a bigger guy and that would normally wind me, but I didn't feel a thing. What happened next is all a blur, but I remember rushing past my grandpa at the front door, tripping over my dog, and letting loose in the toilet. There was no misfire onto the wall or floor, but I had to dump a comfortable pair of underpants.
Old 03-14-2005, 07:46 PM coach is offline  
#190  

L33T_h4x0r_d00d
 
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Yet another Kids World story.

I was known around the store as "that fucking crazy guy" mostly due to my storeroom behavior. I was in charge of the bikes. They kept one bike out front for all the fuckshits to sit on and ride around the store and the rest were in the back on this giant, moving rack system. The racks were probably 4 feet wide, 20 feet long and 3 stories high. I was known to jump back and forth between racks when looking for a particular bike that some fat fuck bought his kid. The first time I did it and a manager saw she about had her heart shoot out of her asshole onto the ground. Moving on.

One glorious sunday a birthday party of 10-12 year old girls comes into the store. Why you have a birthday party and go to a fucking toy store is beyond me but they did. It was about an hour before the store closed and there were at least 15 little jailbaits running amok on the pink side of the store.

The store closes and everyone breaks into "lets get the fuck out of here" speed as they quickly pickup the store. There was some sort of commotion near the front of the store and there were at least 3 managers up there. This was never good. Someone was dead or choking on a lego or some such shit. Then I hear one of the managers say "get that crazy kid to do it" and I think "hey I'm the only crazy fuck around here, what the fuck do they want me to do?" Right about then someone demands that I clean the front girls room. I say "get greg to do it" since greg was the janitor and this seemed like janitorial duties. They screamed back "greg quit today, you have to do it".

They didnt say that greg quit because of the unholy sacrfice that was in the girls room at the front of the store, no they let me walk right the fuck in on that one unprepared.

I walked into the girls restroom to see a turd hung on the wall about 5 feet up. There was vomit and other excretions in the sinks and on the mirror. Someone had eaten 4 entire pigs and then shit them out into one toilet which subsequently overflowed and left a hundred little shitlings all over the floor outside the end stall.

There was only one thing I could do. I went back into the hallway and said I needed some supplies. I grabbed the snow shovel out of the janitors closet and the boots that were there. I grabbed 2 clear trashbags and dashed back into the festering hole of sewage. No one dared come in, in part because of the smell and in part because they were probably afraid to see what I was doing in there. I donned the boots and tied the trash bags around me like some sort of bizarre tribal dress. I knew what I had to do.

I played shit hockey.

I cant explain the sheer fun it is to throw excrement around a room with a snow shovel when you know you wont have to clean it up. When you disconnect yourself from the fact that some little assgobbler digested lunchables and pez into the creamy brown mass you just bounced off the florescent lights, its a shitload of fun. The floor had about a half inch of water on it and the cheap rubber boots slid across it like ice.

Turds, mostly being eliptical, have a very odd bounce pattern. Sometimes they semi-stick to a wall and slide down like some sort of horrible peanut filled, refrigerater walking octopus from your youth. Sometimes they bounce with a thud and throw chunks of shittyness in all directions. Either way, it sucks to be the guy who's going to have to clean it up.

I think the best part was when I eye'd the wall turd. The one that some little princess hung 5 feet up the wall somehow. The physics behind that baffle and confuse me but that didnt stop me from swinging the snow shovel into it like I was hitting a home run.

I walked out of there and told the crowd waiting that "thats all I can do. I need to go home" which no one even batted an eye at. I would have given any amount of money to see the look on the face of the manager that went in there and saw the mess I left. They sure as fuck never asked me to clean anything else after that.
Old 03-14-2005, 07:47 PM L33T_h4x0r_d00d is offline  
#191  

UnholyKnight
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i pooped my pants at school and shaitheatery ate it
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:48 PM UnholyKnight is offline  
#192  

Queen Pee(nis)
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This is all I have to say
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Old 03-14-2005, 07:52 PM Queen Pee(nis) is offline  
#193  

jason_n
Andrew Hanes and William-043 play ping pong with my testes while I tongue bathe their chodes D:
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by L33T_h4x0r_d00d
I played shit hockey.

fucking win
Old 03-14-2005, 07:52 PM jason_n is offline  
#194  

Retardedchicken
 
i do not want to know.
Old 03-14-2005, 07:53 PM Retardedchicken is offline  
#195  

 


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