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Zero3803
 
Mine isnt really a disaster, in fact, it isnt even my shit. I was basically driving my dads car down the interstate with him in the passenger seat. It was about 11 at night or so and we were going to shoot some pool down in marietta. My dad, inevitably had been drinking before we went, so I guess he didnt really think farting while drunk could be a bad choice. Well, midway to our exit he says, "David, take the next ramp" I respond questionably, "Why, this isnt even our exit" To which he replies, much to my amazement, "I've just shit my pants.." Now this is where it got gross for me, I asked him if he was serious and he actually unzips himself and sticks his hand down the back of his pants and sniffs it, and responds in an almost proud tone, "Yep". So, I basically drive him home with a shitty finger and myself nauseated beyond belief from what just took place.
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Old 03-14-2005, 03:44 PM Zero3803 is offline  
#121  

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[H]orny
Evil Never Dies
 
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First a little back ground info.

Back in High School there was this guy my friends and I would hang out with, Stefan. He was like the kid with the pool, you don't really like him and only really hang out with him for the pool, or in his case a place to party and a liquor cabinet to raid.

We're on our way to his house and he's complaining to hurry up but doesn't say why. We get there and he rushes in without turning on any lights and takes off upstairs. I follow in behind him and step on something squishy. I hit the lights and see little nuggets of shit all through out the house leading up the steps. I take off my socks and throw them in the garbage. Now he has 3 cats so I yelled out that his cats had shit all over the place. He comes down shortly after and cleans everything up. Now for some reason I hadn't put two and two together.

Later that night he pulls me aside and for some reason decides to confess that the shit was his. It then dawned on me that the shit must've snaked down his pants as he ran to the washroom. Now since I didn't like this kid much to begin with I proceded to tell all the other people there and if that wasn't enough the next day everyone in school found out.

From that day forth everyone referred to him as "Shitty".

To top off this story the next time we were there his mom gave me a plastic bag which I discovered had my socks in them. She must've reached into the trash picked up my shit stained socks and cleaned them for me. I gave her a then walked over and threw them in the trash right in front of her.

Since then I've been able to admit to stepping in human excrement other then my own.
Old 03-14-2005, 03:56 PM [H]orny is offline  
#122  

M4D_M00S3
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A friend of mine was taking some kind of medicine that gave him diarrhea as a side affect. I made him laugh and he shit his pants. We were at a party so he went outside, took his socks off and wiped his ass with them, then buried his socks in the flower garden under the mulch.
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Old 03-14-2005, 03:57 PM M4D_M00S3 is offline  
#123  

bluechip
 
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:08 PM bluechip is offline  
#124  

Gearhead
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlitos
I thin i remeber that, did you ever post that story here ?


PovRayMan posted something like that
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:13 PM Gearhead is offline  
#125  

Misutiku
 
I forgot to put in the ending of the tucker max story the second one. He ends up getting banned from the hotel chain for life.
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:20 PM Misutiku is offline  
#126  

Feigned
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by SilkSteel
1.Kindergarten
2.Was uncomfortable shitting in public toilets
3.Tried to keep buttcheeks squeezed while waiting for my dad to pick me up - waiting in a line in the class
4.Pressure was too much.. little shit nugget fell out and rolled down the inside of my pants
5.Landed next to me shoe, I kicked it away - no one noticed
6.Teacher stepped on it
7....
8.Profit.

Been there done that.

I'm reading that Upperdecking site.
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:25 PM Feigned is offline  
#127  

King of Blades
 
My face is sore from laughing
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:29 PM King of Blades is offline  
#128  

Suicide King
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by King of Blades
My face is sore from laughing
you've gotta be SHITTING me.

heh
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:30 PM Suicide King is offline  
#129  

Lynnakitty
 
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You sharted!
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:30 PM Lynnakitty is offline  
#130  

Pyrogenesis
 
Here's a story that's been around so long at my Bible College that it's become an urban ledgend here.

This guy had this really big crush on this girl who he'd known for a while, and after a few months he finally worked up the courage to ask her out. She says yes, and he arranges to pick her up at 6:00. Well, he's as nervous as a paranoid cat in a Chinese Takeaway and he arrives at 5:20, coz being early is good and all. She's not ready, so he has to wait. Coz he's so nervous, he's put his ass into overdrive and needs to crap. He needs to crap bad. So he goes into the bathroom, takes a massive dump, and finds out that there's no toilet paper. At this point he's freaking out, so he takes off his socks and wipes his ass, and flushes. But ack noes, the toilet blocks and overflows crap, piss and socks all over the toilet floor. So he panics madly, climbs out the window and runs away.

Worst date evar? Maybe, but they're married now
Old 03-14-2005, 04:34 PM Pyrogenesis is offline  
#131  

Suicide King
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Pyrogenesis
Here's a story that's been around so long at my Bible College that it's become an urban ledgend here.

This guy had this really big crush on this girl who he'd known for a while, and after a few months he finally worked up the courage to ask her out. She says yes, and he arranges to pick her up at 6:00. Well, he's as nervous as a paranoid cat in a Chinese Takeaway and he arrives at 5:20, coz being early is good and all. She's not ready, so he has to wait. Coz he's so nervous, he's put his ass into overdrive and needs to crap. He needs to crap bad. So he goes into the bathroom, takes a massive dump, and finds out that there's no toilet paper. At this point he's freaking out, so he takes off his socks and wipes his ass, and flushes. But ack noes, the toilet blocks and overflows crap, piss and socks all over the toilet floor. So he panics madly, climbs out the window and runs away.

Worst date evar? Maybe, but they're married now

that was Dumb

and Dumber.
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:36 PM Suicide King is offline  
#132  

darkninja67
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:39 PM darkninja67 is offline  
#133  

Genualdi
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Probably the most embarassing moment of my life to date. I was 6 years old and had been home from school with the flu for a couple of days. After breakfast I went into the other room to watch TV. After a little while my mom came in with a story to read. I sat on her lap and she began to read.

About half way into the story, I barely got out, "Mommy I have to ---," and then it all began. I farted, and full on started to shit my pants. This was no normal shit however...the night before my mom had made spicy quesadillas, and, thinking I was all better, I had a piece. So, on top of shitting my pants AND on my mother, it burnt like hell and I started to cry.

While this goes on, my mom of course has to get a gag reflex and vomits. With me in her lap. I got vomited on. Now of course, the pain of shitting, coupled with the smell, and the fact that I just got vomited on, caused me to vomit as well.

Essentially, in the span of about 10 seconds, I shat on my mom, got vomited on, and vomited on myself. Quite traumatizing. The couch eventually got laundered, and now sits in my room, only slightly discolored. (On the underside of the cushions of course ) And to this day, I still haven't finished Thomas the Tank Engine.
Old 03-14-2005, 04:43 PM Genualdi is offline  
#134  

JulianDelphiki
Isnt there supposed to be an 'O' in 'country'? Nope
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by stapler
the second event was more recent, and any distance runners here will sympathize:

i was running an 18 mile marathon training run in a remote mountain park outside of Boulder, CO. Now, occasionally running- especially very long distance- can really jerk your bowels into a fit of crapping, and i suddenly noticed during this run that i needed to poop. NOW. I was near no shitting facility, had no wiping paraphernaila, i was about 8 mi away from my car, and no shelter from other runners or cyclists. I tried to run back (having had this feeling before, but not so early in the run, i thought i could get back to the parking-lot portapotty), but about a mile later i was in full scale agony, and reduced to a walk. My poor little chocolate starfish could take no more squeezing...nobody should ever have that much lactic acid built up in their butthole. No chance of the portacrapper...i was gonna blow a load of nasty...now. I go behind a little hill by a pond, shit leaking into my bike shorts, and perform the "Move" just in time for my formidable colon to explode in an orgy of poop. The power of this release from my ass- and plenty of pressurized pockets of gas along with it- nearly shook the earth; a flock of disgusted birds took quick flight. I used my favorite running shirt (RIP) to wipe off a beautiful smear of ass-juice, and left the scene as quickly as i could, noting that that the smell could drop a donkey, and the gas explosions were probably heard as far away as Denver

ever since that fateful day, i've brought a few kleenex with me to clean up, or worn a cheap shirt

EDIT: luckily the marathon spasms are very, very rare


i know exactly how that is : (

thats why i usually wear a cheap white t-shirt when i go for my long runs, the kind you get in a 6 pack for 10$
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Old 03-14-2005, 04:45 PM JulianDelphiki is offline  
#135  

 


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