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Keynote
 
Girl/Friend Trouble (Very Long)

Where to begin?

Since it will be very hard to follow with out name I will just give you all the real names straight up, that way you know what the hell is going on and I can keep everything straight.

I have had this crush on this girl (Samantha) for sometime now. We have been friends for many years. She even asked me to make another guy (Mike) stop liking her cause he was doing some crazy shit like writing her very… intense letters. A few weeks ago one of my best friends (Greg) asked Samantha out! And she gave him her number. I didn’t show any feelings but pretended to be happy for him, as he didn’t know I liked Samantha. One day I tell Samantha to take care of Greg because I like him a lot and don’t want him to get hurt or anything. She doesn’t understand and saying that she has a boyfriend, and didn’t think it was a “Date”. She takes it the wrong way and thinks that I think she is a really bad person or something.

The next week she comes up to me saying that she didn’t know why I said that stuff. I try to explain how I didn’t mean anything bad by it. We talk and she starts getting very emotional, almost to the point where she is crying while saying “Is there anything in the past that I have done to make you mad at me or something?” I tell her that she hasn’t done anything like that. She then talks about her current boyfriend who, when high on drugs, treats her bad. Like hits her and stuff, but when sober, a real nice guy. I was appalled. She talks about how everyone she has been with has dumped her, and the only person she has been thinking of breaking up with is her current boyfriend. The topic turns to this girl I hang out with (Tammy) and I have been real close with for a long time. Sam tells me that Tam is using me. I don’t know how to take that. We start talking in Microsoft Word because the teacher was talking. I saved what we wrote. I will spare you with the extra crap (This is Sam talking):

Quote:
Well if I remember correctly… On her birthday she showed me that poem you gave her and was like
Tammy - “oh my god I so knew he liked me.”
Samantha - “Uh… who?”
Tammy - “Ted (Me)”.
Samantha - “Um... How do you know for sure?”
Sara (Another girl) - “Well, I guess he gave her a pair of pants.”
Samantha - “You didn’t take them did you, because that’s not very cool if you.” She Tammy - “Yea I kept them, I liked them and I wanted them.
Samantha – “But that’s kind of like leading him on if you knew he liked you”
Tammy- “Oh what ever, he knows I’m with Fred (Tammy’s Boyfriend) and he has no chance.”
Sara – “You bitch that’s fucked up!”
Samantha – “That’s super fucked up”
Mary (Yet another girl) – Dude you shouldn’t do that, he seems really nice and sweet. You are just going to hurt him.”
Tammy – “Lay off, I’ll do what ever I want. Leave me alone.”

Then we dropped the subject.
I explain later how she had talked about the pants and couldn’t find them, so one day I was on eBay and found them, so I bought them for her. Samantha said “Aww, you’re so sweet.” Then she rested her head on my shoulder for a few seconds. (I know I’m taking that too far.)

That night I write her this letter:
Quote:
Samantha,

I hope you don’t mind reading this as it’s about 11 at night and I had to get these feelings down on paper.

As I start to write this I can’t help but think about how much similar this is to how Tammy and I started. I hope it won’t be the same way. I guess I’m still having a hard time accepting how she could/did do such a thing. I am reading our little chat over and over and every time new emotions come over me. Most of them are “I CAN’T BELIEVE SHE READ MY POEM!” Oh my god that made me mad. I just felt embarrassed because I didn’t get her anything for her birthday and I had only like 5 minutes to do something before I had to go fix computers again. I made that up and put a cookie in it and delivered it. Wow… I’m just sitting here thinking about everything she told me. Don’t get me wrong you did nothing bad, I thank you for telling me. Better I know then keep going.

As for you, I would just like to say if I could take back that comment (About Greg and Her) that I said, I would. I never meant it in a bad way. I remember you asking me if you had done something to me in the past that would make me mad at you. No, you have always been kind and friendly to me. If I came off as mad or something to you, it was not intentional. I have never thought anything bad or low about you. Wow, its crazy to remember when you brought Tammy in to our Summer School class that one year. Hah, that seems rather interesting now to think about what has come out of that. Also I hope this letter doesn’t come off as freaky or something, like stuff that Mike did. I remember you asking me to make him stop “liking” you. I think I did, but it wasn’t easy.

I know that buying those pants might seem a little inviting or something but I think it’s just because I’m a sucker for girls. I can never say no, and I am never (to my knowledge) mean to them. When you told me about your boyfriend, I was in serious shock. I can’t possibly see how anyone can treat a woman like that. I’ve never met him, so I won’t tell you what I think you should do, after all he can be very nice from what you said.

I hope you would like to talk more, and about OTHER topics then my emotional issues. I would like to jot down your AIM name so we can talk later.
I then give her my AIM and Phone number.
I meet her before a class the next day and give that letter to her. She meets me at lunch and gives me her phone number and AIM name.
All this time my feelings for her grow more and more. By Sunday night I can’t get her out of my head. I call her up and she is getting ready to go out with Sara and their boyfriends. They are talking about how they are dressed up all nice. I say “What do you mean?” She is like “We look like crap any other time. Like we never wear make up” I say “Because you don’t need to” I realize that might not be the best thing to have said She responds “Uh… ok” They finish getting ready and she tells me that she will get on AIM later or call me on Monday. That night I am just sitting thinking about her. I can’t stop. I realize that I see her has the most beautiful girl in the world. I’m not kidding. I see her as perfect, Personality and everything.

The next morning I set her AIM name to flash and play a sound and open a pop up box when she comes on line. She does like an hour later. This is what happened:
Quote:
Me: Oh hey
Her: hello!
Me: How are ya
*5 minute pause*
Me: oh good, I'm fine
Her: well i didn't get any sleep last night
Me:
Me: How did it go... well I guess you answered that
*5 minute pause*
Me: Well how did it go?
Her: what go
Me: Last night...
*5 minute pause*
Her: it went um intrestingly
Me: Heh, dont want to go in to detail with me? Thanks ok
Her: i would but i can't remember
Me: oh dear
Me: Are you busy, casue we can talk another time
*10 minute pause*
Me: I'll take that as a yes, Let me know when you can talk later, I will brb
Her: okay
Her: bye'
*5 minute pause*
Me: ok back
Me: so... are you busy. I never got an answer.
*5 minute pause*
Her: yes
Her: kinda
Me: ok let me know when you are done
Me: or can talk
Her: i gotta go i'll talk to you later
Me: later
That day I have a ton of homework due the next day and I can’t do it because my mind is so focused on her. I can’t think of anything else. That was the longest day of my life. I was in front of my phone all day waiting for that call.

Today I had her in one of my classes. She says that she was studying for finals and couldn’t call because it was really late and didn’t know when it was too late to call. I help her on this new computer she has never gotten used to. We are talking about stuff, and she starts talking about how “I think I broke up with my boyfriend” she doesn’t seem very upset about it, so I’m glad that she is standing up for her self. She gets up to see her grade from the teacher, and comes back after talking with a few people on the way. She says “Bill just asked me out” I’m like “Uhhh.. Ok” Cause I don’t want to seem mad or anything. I’m like “Do you like him?” She’s like “No, and I told him that I might be getting back together with my boyfriend” Then explains why she might get back with him. At this point I am happy and sad that she might get back together, happy cause she wont be open to another random guy. And sad because she is getting treated bad and I don’t want that to happen to anyone, especially her.

Thanks for those of you who are still with me, and took all that time to go threw the hardest time of my life. My questions for you guys’ are:

How do you think I should act in front of her? If I am open with my feelings, how massive they are, she will probably never talk to me again just like Mike.

If I do manage to get her to go out with me, it will be extremely awkward to Greg and Mike, after Greg asked her out and I made Mike stop liking her. How should I deal with them?

I know I’m being very obsessive with her, but I’ve tried to not think of her, and I can’t do it. I can’t do anything with out her in my mind. This is a serious problem, I am afraid I’m setting my self up for a massive let down and will never recover.

Lastly, any tips on how show that I care/like her with out her backing away and feeling weird around me?

Any other comments would be greatly welcome.
Old 01-21-2003, 04:21 PM Keynote is offline  
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Crazyhun
 
Coles Notes?
Old 01-21-2003, 04:27 PM Crazyhun is offline  
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PenguinMan
 
okay, lemme do the short version:

1] pedestalization=bad. youve done it, i've done it, we have all done it. nothing good has come from it. capische?

2] you have probably FZ'd yourself. sorry to tell you that bud, but its the truth.

3] the girl is damaged goods.

as it stands, you are playing the part of sylvia saint in a porno... ie, you are fucked. if you dont admit your feelings you will feel like shit. if you do, odds are five to one against (doors reference), and furthermore, if i was the girl i would feel that you had been trying to make me break up with her abusive boyfriend. i would then go back to tweedledee.

in other words, grab a brew, grab a can opener, and start pounding.
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Old 01-21-2003, 04:33 PM PenguinMan is offline  
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princess0fdiabl0
 
Re: Girl/Friend Trouble (Very Long)

Quote:
Originally posted by Keynote


Thanks for those of you who are still with me, and took all that time to go threw the hardest time of my life. My questions for you guys’ are:

How do you think I should act in front of her? If I am open with my feelings, how massive they are, she will probably never talk to me again just like Mike.

If I do manage to get her to go out with me, it will be extremely awkward to Greg and Mike, after Greg asked her out and I made Mike stop liking her. How should I deal with them?

I know I’m being very obsessive with her, but I’ve tried to not think of her, and I can’t do it. I can’t do anything with out her in my mind. This is a serious problem, I am afraid I’m setting my self up for a massive let down and will never recover.

Lastly, any tips on how show that I care/like her with out her backing away and feeling weird around me?

Any other comments would be greatly welcome.
jebus thats a novel!

anyways
dont act

as always you want her to like you who you are, not who you try to be. ppl like me have learned this the hard way. To me it sounds like you are either already friendzoned, or have been put on the train. Make it obvious you like her. Don't be a puppy dog and a cuddle bitch. i dont have much more to say, im sure others will be of help....

good luck man
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Old 01-21-2003, 04:37 PM princess0fdiabl0 is offline  
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Keynote
 
Quote:
Originally posted by PenguinMan
okay, lemme do the short version:

1] pedestalization=bad. youve done it, i've done it, we have all done it. nothing good has come from it. capische?

2] you have probably FZ'd yourself. sorry to tell you that bud, but its the truth.

3] the girl is damaged goods.



1. What does that word mean? I've never heard it before.

2. FZ'd? from the post below yours it sounds like "Friendzoned" but I'm not sure, This is like my first visit to the BC.

3. Damaged goods?
Old 01-21-2003, 04:39 PM Keynote is offline  
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Keynote
 
Re: Re: Girl/Friend Trouble (Very Long)

Quote:
Originally posted by princess0fdiabl0
jebus thats a novel!

anyways
dont act

as always you want her to like you who you are, not who you try to be. ppl like me have learned this the hard way. To me it sounds like you are either already friendzoned, or have been put on the train. Make it obvious you like her. Don't be a puppy dog and a cuddle bitch. i dont have much more to say, im sure others will be of help....

good luck man

Dont act? Like dont act like I like her?

Cuddle bitch? All these new terms are confusing me. Sorry for being such a n00b . If you guys could use terms that I can understand, that would be great.
Old 01-21-2003, 04:41 PM Keynote is offline  
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PenguinMan
 
pedestalized- vt. to have put something/someone on a pedestal.

fz'd-vt. friend-zoned; the act of becoming a person who will never, ever get in the pants of girl in question without firearms, alcohol, or roofies.

damaged goods-adj. a term given to girls with psychological problems. girls that return to abusive mates, for instance, would be known as 'damaged goods'.

cuddlebitch-n. a person, usually friend zoned, who comforts person in question when their mate is an ass to them. in other words, you provide emotional support while she fucks some other guy.
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Old 01-21-2003, 04:44 PM PenguinMan is offline  
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Keynote
 
ugh, I feel sick now. Are those terms known all over or just at genmay or internet forums?

Fuck, I don't want her just for her body, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Sigh.



Everything seems very quiet all of a sudden
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Old 01-21-2003, 04:49 PM Keynote is offline  
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PenguinMan
 
some are general, some are not.

pedestalization/in pants/etc does not necesarilly carry a conotation of screwing. also, the fact that you want to spend the rest of your life with her; yet you havent even dated her yet indicates rough seas ahead.

this is the voice of experience talking, okay? everything i say on this subject at one point applied to me.
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Old 01-21-2003, 04:51 PM PenguinMan is offline  
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DigitalMocking
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Quote:
Originally posted by Keynote
ugh, I feel sick now. Are those terms known all over or just at genmay or internet forums?

Fuck, I don't want her just for her body, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Sigh.



Everything seems very quiet all of a sudden
You're really young... take it from one of the older horses around here.. that girl is broken.

While I empathise with your desire to be her knight in shining armor and fix all her problems... it'll never work. Even if you *do* manage to fix her, she'll just leave to start fresh, you'd be too big a reminder of the bad times in her life.

Trust me on this one.

When you do find love, and have it returned, it'll dwarf anything you feel now. You're infatuated with this girl, infatuation isn't love. Love is given and received and doesn't cause pain.

But Penguin man is pretty much right on the money.
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Old 01-21-2003, 04:57 PM DigitalMocking is offline  
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RedTalon19
 
yeah you worked your self into a very tough situation. at this point if you do anything, negative sid affects will occur as her not ever talking to you or losing some of your friends or whatever.

you cant deny those feelings tho, you realized this by now. keeping them bottled up isnt going to do you any good at all, in fact its probably gonna make u feel worse about it all. you need to tell her how you feel.... to the extend of your conversation on the depth of your feelings is your call... i would say keep it kinda light but say you dont want to see her get hurt and/or that you've suddenly found yourself more attracted to her than just friends.

by going or trying to go further with sam your throwing out the age old phase "bros before hoes" because why try to break up multiple friendships with your buds over (usually) some chick that may not work out. runin a perfectly good lifelong friendship for a few month fing? and she probably wanted to break u guys up too. thats what that phase is really geared towards but it holds true for almost any situation. unless all frineds in this whole mess are truly good friends and understanding people.... your gonna come out of this with anywhere from 1 less friend to losing them all (extreme but unlikely)... that is if you do decide to act

i dont think you should do anything, the chances for negative out comes are too great..... unless you absolutly and truly, well almost love this girl. thats the only way i can see it being worth the try. otherwise get the brewskies out cuz its gonna be a long recovery.
Old 01-21-2003, 04:57 PM RedTalon19 is offline  
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mathlete
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Quote:
Originally posted by Keynote
ugh, I feel sick now. Are those terms known all over or just at genmay or internet forums?

Fuck, I don't want her just for her body, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Sigh.



Everything seems very quiet all of a sudden
Are you 12?

Grow a fucking pair and talk to her; otherwise forget it. Girls don't want guys that are pussies (i.e. YOU). They also don't want someone that worships the ground they walk on; they want someone that has CONFIDENCE.
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Old 01-21-2003, 05:00 PM mathlete is offline  
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PIII Wannabee
 
Dude that sucks....hopefully you get with her and if your indeed in the FZ...start laying down the booze.
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Old 01-21-2003, 05:01 PM PIII Wannabee is offline  
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MrEdd
 
Quote:
Originally posted by Keynote
ugh, I feel sick now. Are those terms known all over or just at genmay or internet forums?

Fuck, I don't want her just for her body, I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Sigh.



Everything seems very quiet all of a sudden
You obviously don't know what you want.
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Old 01-21-2003, 05:03 PM MrEdd is offline  
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Keynote
 
Quote:
Originally posted by MrEdd
You obviously don't know what you want.
Seriously I just like being around her. I guess thats a big part in the actions I have to take.


Quote:
Are you 12?

Grow a fucking pair and talk to her; otherwise forget it. Girls don't want guys that are pussies (i.e. YOU). They also don't want someone that worships the ground they walk on; they want someone that has CONFIDENCE.
You are right, but this would be my first relationship, which is why I have so many questions/feelings. I have had crushes before but nothing like this. I have never felt this way before.



From what I am hearing I guess I will just act like normal and try to get my mind off her. If she does break up with her boyfriend and for some wild reason wants to get with me. I will be happy. But odds are she wont.

Keep the comments coming guys. This is helping me out.
Old 01-21-2003, 05:14 PM Keynote is offline  
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