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Colonel Sanders
 
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"Ex"-addict moved back in.. things to watch for?

My roommate's brother, who she hasn't seen in about two years due to basically being exiled from the family for drug use and general abuse (taking their shit and selling it for drug money, stuff like that), has moved back in with us, with permission from their mom.

He just got out of his stay in state prison for four months, and after whittling away at his mom ("Please let me come home!" "Come on, at least give me a chance!" "I can't believe you're turning away your own son!" ... crap like that) she's agreed to give him another chance at home.

While he claims to be "clean", we suspect it's the usual front of an addict trying to 'use' people so they can get what they want. Despite being in state prison for 4 months, it just doesn't seem likely (knowing him) that he would be clean yet.

The question is, what are telltale signs (sights, sounds, smells..) of using, or trying to use? He's done general stuff like pot, codeine, vicodin, etc.. but also heroin, and speed. And probably other things as well. We want to make sure we catch him if he's doing anything, because he's on parole. I don't want him fucking with my roommate or her mom like he did a couple years ago.
Old 12-18-2004, 08:39 PM Colonel Sanders is offline  
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eileenbunny
 
Take it from an addict, addicts can be the most convincing lyers I've met. So signs of use might not be clear. Has anybody suggested rehab for this guy? Not the 30 day kind, but real treatment. There are some fabulous programs all over the country which really help you change your lifestyle, not just quit using. Prison is definately not the place for this. It does sound like at least a small part of him wants to get over this, and maybe he really is trying. Who knows?

Also, we don't know how old this guy is or how long he's been in to this lifestyle. I know the hurt and pain this can cause a family. I've seen it. I've been there. Don't give up the love for him, but don't let yourselves be abused either.

Set up ground rules, be firm, and kick him out if he breaks any of them. If he's serious about trying to change, he'll follow them. Basically, treat him like a child and give him more responsibilities and privileges when he warrents them. Explain this to him.

Also, if he's staying out late with old friends, avoiding you or the family, or being generally lazy about life, he's probably using in my experience. But that's just my experience, everyone is different.
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Old 12-18-2004, 08:51 PM eileenbunny is offline  
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chopsuwe
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by eileenbunny
Set up ground rules, be firm, and kick him out if he breaks any of them. If he's serious about trying to change, he'll follow them. Basically, treat him like a child and give him more responsibilities and privileges when he warrents them. Explain this to him.

Also, if he's staying out late with old friends, avoiding you or the family, or being generally lazy about life, he's probably using in my experience. But that's just my experience, everyone is different.

QFT.

Also watch out for the smell of non cigarette smoke and acting different to normal. This can include:
-taking things the wrong way where he would normally understand right away.
-emotionally unstable.
-staying out abnormally late with no real excuse.
-asking to borrow money when you know he should have enough.
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Old 12-20-2004, 01:51 AM chopsuwe is offline  
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damnit
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This is one of my few post's in the Bone Closet, but I'll try to point out some things without flaming anyone:

1. There's obviously some discontent between the original poster and the addict he is discussing. This is understandable. One thing that really stood out to me was the part about him moving in to you and your roomate's place based on permission from the mom.

It sounds as if you might not have enough input or value to grant or deny additional roommates at your place...this is not a good living situation if true. I would concentrate on this rather than reading the rest of my post.

2. The stereotypical things that you disclosed as typical "addict" behaviors are simply not true. Everyone stays out late. I go to bars and try to pull ass almost every night, And I might br at her place until 3-4am before I decide the investment is not worth the payout, and leave. Even when I hang out with good friends, I stay out til 5-7AM, mostly weekends, but yeah.

I dunno where I'm going with this. I'm personally almost offended by your first post in this thread, but I lost my reply momentum. I'm an addict and know other addicts and this is NOT the way to treat a "supposedly recovering" addict. This will spawn relapses alone, nevermind the physical/mental addiction.
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Old 12-20-2004, 02:18 AM damnit is offline  
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Eurrapanzy
 
watch for enabling activity. don't leave money lying around [and count what you have hidden]. try to keep tabs on where he's going and who he's with. watch his appetite.

the money thing is probably the biggest problem for addicts. i'd encourage him to go get treated though, instead of just hoping he's better or will get better on his own.
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Old 12-20-2004, 05:41 AM Eurrapanzy is offline  
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It's really hard to say what the signs are unless you know the person's typical behavior pattern. If you're thinking herion, well..if he starts looking like a herion addict and spends most of his days sleeping, falls asleep in the middle of conversations, etc..you've probably got a herion addict. If it's just pot, it can be harder to tell if they hide it well.

Eurrapanzy's point is correct - the desperate will take anything, so never leave your money or your wallet in a place where he can see it or get to it easily (i.e. in your coat pocket while your coat is hanging on a chair or something).

Take inventory of the house if you really start to get worried. If your roommate wears real, expensive type jewelry, make her be aware of all the pieces she has - it's easy for an addict to sneak into someone's room and take a piece of jewelry she doesn't wear much.

The best way to treat an addict is to cut them off from any route to get drugs, especially when you're dealing what would appear to be a long time addict. It does help to keep tabs on them, know where they're going, who they're going with, etc. If he's lying to you about this, you'll find out eventually.

Have his sister sit down and talk to him, tell him that she really wants to see him get clean, but neither of you know for sure just how committed he is to it. If he's the type that's stolen from the family before to pay for drugs, tell him that he's broken trust before, so now is his chance to rebuild that. If he honestly wants to get clean, he can go to her for help and support. This way he understands why you guys may be laying down strict house rules and asking where he's going all the time. It's for everyone's benefit, not just yours.
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Old 12-20-2004, 06:22 AM Doombabies is offline  
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Vigilante
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If it was me, I'd set up these Rules of the House:

1. Curfew is at 10 pm every night. No questions asked, no extensions granted.
2. If you leave this house, you are to leave a note saying where, with whom, what time you'll be back, and a phone number to call at any time. Telling somebody is not enough - you must leave a note and leave your phone on and on YOU at all times.
3. You will get a respectable job and you will not get fired from it if you can help it.
4. You will check yourself into a therapy center and you WILL get clean.
5. You are not to lie about ANYTHING. One lie, you're out of here.
6. You are not allowed to have friends over past your curfew - they must go home.
7. If you don't agree with these rules, bye and have a nice life.

Hardass much?
Old 12-20-2004, 07:49 AM Vigilante is offline  
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nyat
 
check their eyes at all times
if they act suspicious, then something is up
remember where you leave EVERYTHING
learn about household items that may be used to hide their habits, and watch/lock them
Old 12-20-2004, 07:55 AM nyat is offline  
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Ignited
 
Drug adicts are the worst kind of people to have to deal with. Seriously, I feel so very sorry for you.

It's not complicated at all. When you're dealing with people like that, if you think they're up to something, there's a 99% chance that they are. People who have bad drug habits don't usually change unless something drastic happens in their life. I could write several pages about how I'd deal with this situation, but I think the best advice is just don't take any , because that's exactly what they'll throw at you.
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Old 12-20-2004, 09:33 AM Ignited is offline  
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Mega G
 
So your roomates mom made you and her accept her brother as a third roommate? You had no say in this at all? Why doesn't he stay with her?
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Old 12-20-2004, 12:48 PM Mega G is offline  
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