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Entmoof~
"At least your dick isn't skinny"--Hootbot
 
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Old 12-05-2004, 05:36 PM Entmoof~ is offline  
#331  

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surreal
Yahh! I'm a Llama again!
 
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HAHAH this is such an awesome idea, i would love to get in on it but am not sure how right now!
Will think more later
Old 12-05-2004, 05:36 PM surreal is offline  
#332  

AndrewHanes
 
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Man dies of age

^ good start
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Old 12-05-2004, 05:38 PM AndrewHanes is offline  
#333  

cocoa999
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by surreal
HAHAH this is such an awesome idea, i would love to get in on it but am not sure how right now!
Will think more later

find one of the stories that could use additions/editing and post a better version
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Old 12-05-2004, 05:38 PM cocoa999 is offline  
#334  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Can I get some comments on mine. I've posted like 5 and I need some more material to work with.
Old 12-05-2004, 05:39 PM TheJesus is offline  
#335  

DrGamez
G's dupe
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
British Government implicated in Orwellian Christmas Suprise

In classified documents released sunday, the British government has been implicated in beginning a major revamp of the english language to more properly reflect our new culture, Beginning on December 25th 2004, the british government will begin to release new textbooks and dictionaries in the public and private school systems teaching a new style of english. This english has completely eliminated adjectives and adverbs to directly convey the point. The British, generally regarded as the creators of english, have been amazingly quiet about this issue. One british citizen said "It isn't dead already?"

The documents comprise of over 70 pages of notes and dictations about the new language. The texts have some general examples of how to translate some of the classic novels and books to this so called "Newer Speak," named after George Orwell's Newspeak in the classic novel 1984. One of the most striking examples is in Dante's Inferno. Instead of the english translation starting the book with "Midway through the journey of our lives, I found myself lost in a dark wood" it would read "I got lost in the woods." Many noted english scholors have been shocked at this complete betrayal of the english language, noting that "Maybe I should Kill myself" is not a proper substitution for Shakespeare's eternal line in Hamlet "To Be or Not to Be." In another incredible move, Huckleberry Finn has been reduced to two lines "A negro and a whitey go down a river. You can see whats going to happen"

The British have refused to comment on this story. The government's offical position is hard to determine, but one high up said "What, you guys haven't seen Hugh Grant in a movie before?"


Way too much lead up for a Hugh Grant joke
Old 12-05-2004, 05:39 PM DrGamez is offline  
#336  

cocoa999
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
Can I get some comments on mine. I've posted like 5 and I need some more material to work with.

Holiday High? doesn't have a good journalistic feel to it. we're trying to make realistic sounding news-type stories. it's really funny, just doesn't fit into this thread very well
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Old 12-05-2004, 05:40 PM cocoa999 is offline  
#337  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by cocoa999
Holiday High? doesn't have a good journalistic feel to it. we're trying to make realistic sounding news-type stories. it's really funny, just doesn't fit into this thread very well


I thought the idea was to get as much as possible out of it. I think that if you sent that to like 15 stoners they would either just forward it to all their friends or get up in arms and email you with some attacks.
Old 12-05-2004, 05:42 PM TheJesus is offline  
#338  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DrGamez
Way too much lead up for a Hugh Grant joke

I felt it was the best way to end it.
Old 12-05-2004, 05:42 PM TheJesus is offline  
#339  

DUmb4ss
Kiddie Corral Material
 
Holy shit. This is totally going to the vault. I really like the CRT ideas, and some of this stuff about conspiracy's, orange juice, etc are great.

"
Old 12-05-2004, 05:43 PM DUmb4ss is offline  
#340  

FLECOM3
dontcarekthx
 
hmm another idea in case you need some prompting.

Stairway backwards
Old 12-05-2004, 05:44 PM FLECOM3 is offline  
#341  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Female "Juices" Have Amazing Healing Properties

In an unprecidented study, a man has decided to sleep in a pool filled with Female "Juices" to attempt to prove that they have amazing healing properties. Dr. Alan Jamestar is the leader of the contriversial movement that says that fluids reaped from females is actually restoritive and regenerative. How the juices are collected hasn't been determined but Dr. Jamestar says that he has found a way. With a disturbing wink, he went back to his lab and began the experiment.

Dr. Jamestar is one of the few people who believes in Adult Uterosomnia, a controversial sleep aid that places you within the real juices of a woman to sleep. He claims that this will help insomniacs sleep better, and will help the body regenerate itself in an enviroment like where they were created. The procedure puts a rebreather in your mouth, and you lay on the bottom of a plastic bed that has four walls. They pour the juices in and cover up the top. Your entire body soaks in the juices nightly, and supposedly, begins to rebuild itself. Says Dr. Jamestar "I've cured bad backs, heart palpitations, and liver problems using this proceudre, and now I'm going to test it on myself to see what it can do for a normal person."

More to follow.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:03 PM TheJesus is offline  
#342  

SirGallium
 
[QUOTE=synaesthesia]'Osteosculpting', a hobby which derives it's name from the greek word for bone, is a small but thriving subculture spreading like wildfire across the North American continent. Osteosculpters, or 'boners' as they call themselves, use the bones and skeletons of deceased animals, mixed with other animals and species, to create phantasmagorical and other-worldly creatures. 'SkullBender', a prominent character on the Osteosculpting scene, is best known for his skeletal catbird- a glue and bone construct that combines the bones of a feline with the wing bones of a parakeet. By mixing the bones of several different animals, bleaching and gluing them together in unique poses, Sculpters are able to create eerie and haunting works of 'art'. However, the subculture is already under fire from animal rights groups who claim that overenthusiastic sculpters, impatient to wait until an already deceased animal is found, often hunt for and slay animals, flaying their flesh and taking their bones, which they will later bleach and add to their sculpture. They cite numerous police reports in which various animals, ranging from pet dogs to exotic reptiles stolen from zoos have been found in bloody piles of flesh, every bone carefully extracted from their bodies. No arrests have so far been made, but police say they are monitoring the Osteosculpting scene carefully and will not tolerate any type of animal cruetly or theft of animals. QUOTE]


nice.
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:04 PM SirGallium is offline  
#343  

Wren5
 
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:17 PM Wren5 is offline  
#344  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Rolling Stone admits "We haven't listened to [explitive deleted] since 1990"

In an incredible move, Rolling Stone has admitted to not listening to one new song since 1990. A Rolling Stone writer said "Why the [explitive deleted] would we ever want to listen to that stuff? The entire magazine is just an advertisement. We get so much more money by not listening and writing whatever the record companies want us to. I mean seriously, Hey Ya as the 180th greatest rock song of all time? I don't even know who Outkast is! We haven't listened to [explitive deleted] since 1990!"

Hopefully this admission will allow other magazines to come out of the closet about not listening to music before reviewing it. Already, inside sources tell us that several underground Metal Magazines are preparing to release statements that N*Sync is now considered metal, and that Varg, the intense death rocker rumored to have killed his mother, is no longer going to be allowed to call himself metal, saying that "he's just to dark."

Reportedly, Bob Dylan, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and the other Rolling Stones are preparing to sue the magazine for defaming their song and name respectively. It should bankrupt the company if successful.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:25 PM TheJesus is offline  
#345  

 


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