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Altoids
 
lets make one that says the shrowd jesus wiped his face on (turin?) has been found in a small italian church.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:25 PM Altoids is offline  
#346  

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TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Altoids
lets make one that says the shrowd jesus wiped his face on (turin?) has been found in a small italian church.

I am going to improve on your idea a little bit.

Shroud of Turin: Bathmat of the Vatican

In a bold move, the Vatican has released a statement revealing that the Shroud of Turin isn't actually a holy relic used to cover Jesus' body as he was placed in the tomb, but is actually just a bathmat that looked like a person with a beard. "We figured that we needed something to inspire people," Bishop Kelly Davis said, "so whats better than the lords image on a sheet? We never thought it would take off like that."

The shroud is one of the most contriversial objects in christian culture. Several independant studies have carbon dated the shroud to anywhere between the 11th and the 15th century, and it has been widely regarded as a hoax. This mornings release is the first admission that it was completely a hoax. "What did you want us to do? Travel back in time and get the real one? We saw an opportunity and we took it", said Davis.

This comes at a precarious time in the church. The release of the widely read and beloved Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons by Dan Brown has sent shockwaves through the church. These books, while fictional, have given people a different way of looking at things. The church has now formally apologized for the Shroud, and is hoping to get lucky again.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:34 PM TheJesus is offline  
#347  

angrybusdriver
I love spoonage this much: <-------------------------------------------------------->
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
Rolling Stone admits "We haven't listened to [explitive deleted] since 1990"

In an incredible move, Rolling Stone has admitted to not listening to one new song since 1990. A Rolling Stone writer said "Why the [explitive deleted] would we ever want to listen to that stuff? The entire magazine is just an advertisement. We get so much more money by not listening and writing whatever the record companies want us to. I mean seriously, Hey Ya as the 180th greatest rock song of all time? I don't even know who Outkast is! We haven't listened to [explitive deleted] since 1990!"

Hopefully this admission will allow other magazines to come out of the closet about not listening to music before reviewing it. Already, inside sources tell us that several underground Metal Magazines are preparing to release statements that N*Sync is now considered metal, and that Varg, the intense death rocker rumored to have killed his mother, is no longer going to be allowed to call himself metal, saying that "he's just to dark."

Reportedly, Bob Dylan, Mick Jagger, Keith Richards and the other Rolling Stones are preparing to sue the magazine for defaming their song and name respectively. It should bankrupt the company if successful.
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:38 PM angrybusdriver is offline  
#348  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Can I please have some help here. I need some more ideas. I'm trying hard
Old 12-05-2004, 06:39 PM TheJesus is offline  
#349  

Vivek
 
sounds good
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Old 12-05-2004, 06:41 PM Vivek is offline  
#350  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by angrybusdriver


I was inspired by their top 500 list.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:48 PM TheJesus is offline  
#351  

Fenneth
 
holy shit!

if this sort of stuff can be pulled off, it will be the [M]'s crowing achievement. G is the shizz.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:53 PM Fenneth is offline  
#352  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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"Magic" Bullets go on Sale in Russia

Supposedly based on the design used by Lee Harvey Oswald to cause seven wounds on two different people, a magic bullet has gone on sale in Russia. The ex-KGB agent that is marketing it says that he copied the plans directly from the headquarters. Both the US government and KGB have denied that any such bullet exists.

More to come.
Old 12-05-2004, 06:56 PM TheJesus is offline  
#353  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Can I get some help ya'll?
Old 12-05-2004, 07:02 PM TheJesus is offline  
#354  

schzim
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
Can I get some help ya'll?
I am totaly uncreative but what you have done is good.
Old 12-05-2004, 07:04 PM schzim is offline  
#355  

TheJesus
did somebody say buttsechs?
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by schzim
I am totaly uncreative but what you have done is good.

Just give me ideas about what to write about. I can pretty much BS anything you give me or google it, but I just need more ideas.
Old 12-05-2004, 07:06 PM TheJesus is offline  
#356  

yumm_pancakes
whose greatness is only matched by the length of his schnoz
 
say the kgb and the cia are thought to be withholding info

something like that
Old 12-05-2004, 07:09 PM yumm_pancakes is offline  
#357  

bigandy839
RMG 4Ever! Will blow to join.
 
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Hey g,

I've got a very decent quality digital camera, and am starting to get heavily involved in semi-pro photography. I'm more than happy to go venturing to take pics to go with stories, if need be.

I live in AUS, on a very nice beach, but with really cool forests and woods nearby. I know where great things like water tanks etc are, and I'm in the fire brigade, so have access to firetrucks and everything fire-related. for training we often have simulated car accidents, so could try and wing one scenario to fit with a story.

I can try and find oppertunities to take other sorts of pics if the story arises
Old 12-05-2004, 07:27 PM bigandy839 is offline  
#358  

gg
Kato
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bigandy839
Hey g,

I've got a very decent quality digital camera, and am starting to get heavily involved in semi-pro photography. I'm more than happy to go venturing to take pics to go with stories, if need be.

I live in AUS, on a very nice beach, but with really cool forests and woods nearby. I know where great things like water tanks etc are, and I'm in the fire brigade, so have access to firetrucks and everything fire-related. for training we often have simulated car accidents, so could try and wing one scenario to fit with a story.

I can try and find oppertunities to take other sorts of pics if the story arises
Sweet. That'll help the chop gods immensely in creating believable fake photos to send around as attachments to these stories. Keep us posted, and if you see something in this thread, by all means feel free to take initiative.
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Old 12-05-2004, 07:35 PM gg is offline  
#359  

The Count
bainsstatic
 
Quote:
Originally Posted by TheJesus
I am going to improve on your idea a little bit.

Shroud of Turin: Bathmat of the Vatican

In a bold move, the Vatican has released a statement revealing that the Shroud of Turin isn't actually a holy relic used to cover Jesus' body as he was placed in the tomb, but is actually just a bathmat that looked like a person with a beard. "We figured that we needed something to inspire people," Bishop Kelly Davis said, "so whats better than the lords image on a sheet? We never thought it would take off like that."

The shroud is one of the most contriversial objects in christian culture. Several independant studies have carbon dated the shroud to anywhere between the 11th and the 15th century, and it has been widely regarded as a hoax. This mornings release is the first admission that it was completely a hoax. "What did you want us to do? Travel back in time and get the real one? We saw an opportunity and we took it", said Davis.

This comes at a precarious time in the church. The release of the widely read and beloved Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons by Dan Brown has sent shockwaves through the church. These books, while fictional, have given people a different way of looking at things. The church has now formally apologized for the Shroud, and is hoping to get lucky again.
i will be official grammar/spell checker for all these.. finally journalism skillz going to use... i will underline what needs to be fixed...
  1. apostrophes
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ASHLEE SIMPSON > ALL YUO FGTS
Old 12-05-2004, 07:35 PM The Count is offline  
#360  

 


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