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Jmag034
 
I feel like everyone else is having more fun than me..v. advice

So a a little background, im in my second year of college at ASU, have a pretty good job, small group of friends, girlfriend, and from the outside anyone would say im a pretty happy guy. However, for some reason I always feel that everyone else is having more fun in college/life than I am,

My friends are all really nice and considerate and everything, but It just feels like theres not much that we have in common. On the weekends I generally will try to find parties and stuff, but if my girlfriend ends up going out with her friends (which sometimes makes me mad because i feel like shes ditching me) I usually just end up drinking at my house reading genmay. or watching tv.

I guess this just kind of turned into a rant, but does anyone else feel this way? I just feel like one day im going to look back on college and regret not doing more, but I dont really know what else there is to do.
Old 11-02-2009, 05:57 PM Jmag034 is offline  
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teh scud
 
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have any hobbies?
Old 11-02-2009, 06:14 PM teh scud is offline  
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LAZERGUNPEWPEW
 
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Depends on your circle of friends and who you make yourself available too.These are just a few..strange things I've learned over the last few years, about various situations and my own experience with that struggle. Some or none of them may help you. You haven't said much about the kind of person you are (frat boy? computer guy?) so please don't assume that the examples below are pointing you out. When I say "be accepting of others" I don't mean to imply that you aren't.

The people I grew up with in Highschool / Elementary who have remained friends hate partying. They hate "loud noises", they hate crowds, they hate "American Eagle / Hollister". Generally they hate people having fun in a party / bar setting. They usually opt out for acting "more mature" (ie, like they're 60).

However, when I went to College I opened myself to many different groups of people, many were partiers. Suddenly I found myself having alot more fun at house parties and at bars drinking obscenely having a fucking wonderful time that I will never forget and wish I still had.

I'm also open to meeting new people and accepting people who view things differently than myself, or are different than me, which alot of my friends can't do. In recent years I've become friends with people with everything from past drug addictions, to facial piercings and tattos, to indie hipsters, to rap lovers, to computer nerds. The ability to understand that people have different wants and drop the usual "thats retarded" response to things that are foreign (not saying you do that or have that) and realizing that everyone has one life to live is a good way of meeting new people.

I'm not saying our situations are even close to the same, I was in Culinary school which is already fairly known for drinkers and drug addicts which made it a hell of a lot easier to find a good time.

If you find your friends are the shut in type, you'll likely end up being that as well. I love the hell out of the club scene, but since all my college friends are away / graduated very few of them remain, and I end up in bars I enjoy less with the circle of friends that remains.

Being comfortable in a party environment helps as well, if you go to "clubs" expect to dance if your friends enjoy dancing. If you can't dance, at least make an effort, they'll appreciate it. But don't expect to be invited if you're going to sit at the table by yourself while everyones on the floor winging for eachother.

Another point is, if you turn down invitations to go out a few times, people may stop inviting you. At the same time, if you do go out, try to familiarize yourself with a bit of bar etiquette so you aren't a douchebag. If people are buying "rounds" expect to buy a round for everyone yourself. Don't be cheap and not buy when it's your turn. If last call is past and you were about to be up, but bars closed. Get the first round next time your out. It's not always about the money (granted alot of college aged people are strapped for cash), its also just about basic respect and courtesy. People WILL remember if you're that guy who skips on rounds. If you aren't doing it round style, try grouping up drink orders so all 6 of you aren't standing at the bar holding everyones shit up. Back your friends up if something stupid happens.

I shouldn't have to mention this, but learn to bathe and cloth yourself for the occasion (again, not saying you don't / can't). We had one guy who used to end up coming out, god only knows why, but I swear he didn't learn to bath properly until about 6 months ago (he's 22 years old). He used to reek, we actually had a friend get clinical strength deodorant when he was getting a physical and give it to the guy. He also wears mesh shirts and cargo shorts in December (I live in Canada, I don't care how "warm" you are, wearing that shit in the winter makes you look like a douchebag). On the flip side, I'm not saying go out and buy all the gucci rags and armani you can find, just shower and try to look like you put a bit of work into yourself. It shows you respect the people you're out with. If you're with the kind of people who don't care about that stuff, then dress however you want. If you're chillin with "hipsters" or "indie" or "hippy stoner" groups, they'll probably call you out if you start wearing dress shoes around, you aren't trying to outshine them, so again, dress for the occasion, but no one will hate you for good hygiene.

EDIT: Fuck me that shit came out way longer than I thought. Maybe like, I don't know, read a bit, grab a sandwich, and read a bit more. Pace yourself.
Old 11-02-2009, 06:56 PM LAZERGUNPEWPEW is offline  
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Jmag034
 
I don't really have any hobbies right now, I don't have my car anymore and I'm not really into computers anymore. I really need something to fill the void in my time.

Thanks for the reply, it sounds like there are some similarities with our situations.

In high school I was fat until like junior year, and only had a few shitty friends. So I kind of think some of my resentment and closemindedness comes from the fact people hurt me through rejection in the past. I'm pretty introverted to begin with, and I feel like I go through phases where I want to go out and hang with people a lot, and sometimes where I want to chill alone.

It sucks because like, I overthink everything, if my girlfriend goes out with her friends and I have nothing to do I just kind of sit there and think about the great time shes having and how im miserable. Even if im doing something remotely enjoyable, the fact that she is probably having more fun than I am always seems to darken my mood.

Maybe I suffer from some slight depression or something, I just can't figure it out. I can't remember the last time I was truly happy, it seems like i'm either content with life or depressed, not much happiness though.
Old 11-02-2009, 08:57 PM Jmag034 is offline  
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teh scud
 
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yeah, find a hobby or two. you can't have fun unless you try, right? find something you can do on your own or with friends that you enjoy -- activities with friends, old friends or new friends you meet doing things, would probably help curb loneliness. it sounds like you're relying on your girlfriend for more needs than anyone can realistically satisfy.

it's important that you can function when your girlfriend isn't there. if she's feeling guilty about leaving you alone, it'll only stress the relationship.

Last edited by teh scud; 11-02-2009 at 09:44 PM..
Old 11-02-2009, 09:33 PM teh scud is offline  
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propcgamer
 
Where does your GF go out?
Does she ever invite you along? Or is it just her girls so it would be strange?
Old 11-02-2009, 09:59 PM propcgamer is offline  
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Jmag034
 
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Where does your GF go out?
Does she ever invite you along? Or is it just her girls so it would be strange?

shes in a sorority and goes to the frats with like 8 of her friends.


otherwise when we go out its to house parties and stuff.
Old 11-02-2009, 10:36 PM Jmag034 is offline  
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Mr.Coffea
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Dude, go out with your frickin' girlfriend

If she's going to parties with her friends, there's no reason for you NOT to go, especially if you want to.

You don't need to be by her side the whole time either, I'm sure you have some mutual friends

edit: guess I should have read the thread
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Old 11-03-2009, 09:45 AM Mr.Coffea is offline  
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Wait, wait ... your girlfriend goes out with the girls to FRAT parties? And you're not invited? Its not like she's 'going out with the girls'.. shes going out with the girls to where guys are. You should be there in these situations. Your gf is ditching you, and probably because you let her. I mean, you sit and home and read [M] while she's out partying with frat boys? She probably doesn't invite you because she thinks you'd rather sit at home.

Foot down, put it.

edit. Everyone else is having more fun because they control their lives, unlike you. Your gf is doing what she wants, while you are not.
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Old 11-05-2009, 08:42 AM theNoid is offline  
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yolo
 
flip the scenario, imagine you were always going out, and your girlfriend stayed at home to drink and surf the internet. LAME. I'd probably want to break up with her and find a cool girl to be with.

agree with Coffea and Noid, you need to go out with her and also find things to do without her, or to invite her along. Girls with high self esteem dump guys fast if they are a buzz kill.
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Old 11-05-2009, 10:27 AM yolo is offline  
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Why the hell would anyone ever want to take their girlfriend with them to the bar?

When I go out, I want to drink copious amounts of beer, smoke cigs (I don't normally smoke), play pool, stare at women, and be loud and obnoxious with my friends. All things that my g/f doesn't appreciate in the slightest.

Just go out with your buddies whenever she goes out. Problem solved.

Edit: Didn't realize OP is probably not bar age yet. Solution still applies, however.
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Old 11-05-2009, 06:35 PM toga is offline  
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Wait, wait ... your girlfriend goes out with the girls to FRAT parties? And you're not invited? Its not like she's 'going out with the girls'.. shes going out with the girls to where guys are. You should be there in these situations. Your gf is ditching you, and probably because you let her. I mean, you sit and home and read [M] while she's out partying with frat boys? She probably doesn't invite you because she thinks you'd rather sit at home.

Foot down, put it.

edit. Everyone else is having more fun because they control their lives, unlike you. Your gf is doing what she wants, while you are not.

Not uncommon for sorority girls, really. They have a built-in social connection to the frats, and a lot of their social activities involve them. Their friends are going to go out to the frats, and they want to go along, despite being involved. The girls don't usually want boyfriends coming along, and the frat guys sure don't.

It was actually a decent source of tension with my wife when we were still in undergrad. We compromised and made it work.
Old 11-05-2009, 07:05 PM Gibonius is offline  
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Blunt
 
Hmm i would say you need to make yourself more availible to the persons that arrange the parties.

Like dont sit and wait to be invited either just go or ask if you can come.. dont know how things are with frats and sororitys but that how we do where im from.

you just have to make an effort to get into the group.

Remember seinfeld where jerry and elaine was trying to hook up with some couple that had just split up ? or was that will and grace fuck do i know?

Well to begin with they were "there for you" and the plan was that along to line youre just "there"

BTW dont get me wrong and try to be with people you dont like being with just cause they have fun ?
Old 11-06-2009, 03:58 AM Blunt is offline  
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Jmag034
 
Unless you're in the frat, guys dont get into the parties at all. She says she only goes so she can hang out with her friends, but its just a bit unnerving that shes around her friends (whom are all single) and a bunch of dudes.
Old 11-06-2009, 08:19 AM Jmag034 is offline  
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Unless you're in the frat, guys dont get into the parties at all. She says she only goes so she can hang out with her friends, but its just a bit unnerving that shes around her friends (whom are all single) and a bunch of dudes.

Bullshit. Sometimes you gotta pay to get in admittingly - but the easiest way to get in? Act like your planning on rushing Put on a Polo and a backwards hat and answer everyone with bro.

edit: Not only that, if you are with a group of girls, you will get in. No one give's a shit about 1 dude coming in for 3 girls.
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Old 11-06-2009, 08:24 AM s0me0nesmind1 is offline  
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