thegrandpenguin
[M]onkey
Joined: Mar 04, 2005

Mar 15, 2005 #201

I was working at this summer camp one year, it was a YMCA camp so some of the kids were kinda from these "PRAISE JESUS" families, and are sometimes hard to handle. That one week I was in charge of the 6-8 year olds, and only had about 7 kids, so it was all good. It was Sunday, opening day orientation, fresh batch of kids. I was feeling pretty good, the kids were well behaved, and they never really back-talked to me. That night after me and the other leaders in the cabin put them to bed, I climbed into bed with expectations of a good nights sleep. Jesus, was I wrong. About an hour into slumber I wake up with a HORRIBLE pressure in my stomach, as if someone took a bike pump and gushed a couple gallons of air in there. I itmmediately tip-toe to the restroom, trying not to wake any kids up, and promptly shut the door and launch my ass on the toilet. Nothing came out at first, but after just a wee bit of pushing, the sound of a minute sized log hitting the water filled the air. Confused, I attempt to push a bit more, only to open the flood gates, unleashing an unholy amount of the vilest smelling liquid I have ever smelled. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem, we've all had the shits from time to time, but the SOUND. It's as if an elephant was violently vomiting from INSIDE my bowels. The flood continued to flow, and as I was in mid-push, I heard the worst sound possible.

The sound of a doornob being twisted open.

Let me tell you something about these bathrooms. There's about 3 toilets lined up with a small shower in between each one, and each stall is covered over by a small piece of thin plastic hooked up to a metal bar which, despite anyone's efforts, was notorious for never being big enough to block the view of the toilet-ee. As the door opened, not one, not two, but 3 of the campers come rushing into the bathroom, wide-eyed and wondering what the horrific sound they heard was. Upon gazing upon my sorry state, they itmmediately began to laugh there sorry little asses off, screaming and hollering at what they saw. This, of course, woke up everyone in MY cabin and the three surrounding it. While trying to pull the green curtain to cover myself, I felt my stomach begin to churn again, and began to vomit a vile red substance all over the floor and my pajama pants. The rest is a bit hazy, but I remember the other leaders of the cabin trying to get the kids out of the bathroom, laughing uncontrollably themselves. I spent about 6 hours that night shitting and vomiting myself to sleep on the toilet. I woke up at around 5, took a shower, and spent the rest of the day in one of the beds in the nurses office.

Needless to say, I lose all respect from my campers that week, they wouldn't listen to a thing I said. And of course the story spread through-out the entire campground. Not a good week to be had at all. :(
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Suicide King
Pure [M]ayhem
Suicide King
Pure [M]ayhem
Joined: Sep 13, 2003

Mar 15, 2005 #202

Mister X wrote:I have created a home for these poop disasters!! Its not much now, but it could grow to become a fantastic website!!!

www.poopdisasters.com
i posted :cool:
sneetch is my justly abused adopted monthly check.
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el aye
[M]onkey
el aye
[M]onkey
Joined: Apr 28, 2004

Mar 15, 2005 #203

lol poop
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Rick
[M]inus
Rick
[M]inus
Joined: Jul 07, 2002

Mar 15, 2005 #204

SuicideKing wrote:i posted :cool:

:D


i have a feeling once it doesnt suck (looks better, etc) this website will grow to be quite large
I am Mister X and I approve this message
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macky
[M]onkey
macky
[M]onkey
Joined: Feb 10, 2004

Mar 15, 2005 #205

L33T_h4x0r_d00d wrote:I played shit hockey.
Funniest damn thing I've read in a long time :lol:
Commander Tomalak of the USS Excelsior Crew
Omaha [M] Club
[M] Karma Krew Founder
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evildre
Pure [M]ayhem
evildre
Pure [M]ayhem
Joined: Jun 21, 2002

Mar 15, 2005 #206

:lol: Holy crap, I'm totally making a PDF out of this and sending it to my gf, she'll laugh her ass off :lol:

Me ... I haven't had any poop disasters. I have the uncanny ability to get to a toilet before I poop myself. Take, for example, 5 March 2005. My boss and I were talking to a good customer. I had just eaten a nice, greasy, half-pound hamburger. My stomach suddenly started to reject the recent meal. Apparently, my mouth was the only part of my body that liked said burger.

Now, normally I would have calmly walked to the bathroom in the back of the store done my business. This was not a normal situation: my boss had retrieved his jacket and was on his way out of the store to go home, leaving me alone in the shop with a customer who had a metric fuckton of questions. I was starting to sweat as the questions poured out of the guy's mouth ... I'm sure I was turning red. I felt a pocket of gas brewing in my rectum, but I didn't dare let it out; I feared the worst would happen if I did.

After what seemed like an hour of incessant badgering, the customer turned around and left. There was still half an hour until closing time and I was the only one in the shop ... ah fuck it, I locked the door, taped my "BACK IN 10 MINUTES" sign to it, and waddled at top speed to the bathroom in the back of the shop. As soon as my ass hit the toilet seat, I had a tremendous assplosion that nearly sent me flying through the damn ceiling. I swear, I thought I was going to go into orbit. If anyone else was in the store, they probably would have run into the back and tried to break the door down to see if I was still alive and in one piece. Thankfully, the force of the blast took the massive ball of shit with it into the bottom of the toilet (no shen, it looked like a brown ball of pancake batter), minimizing the smell and the impact on the white porcelain of the toilet. A few wipes later, I was good to go.
What would Raptor Jesus do?
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Synth3t1c
[M]afia
Joined: Mar 09, 2004

Mar 15, 2005 #207

1.) I work @ bestbuy
2.) computer dept. near bathrooms
3.) some fucker shits on floor near water fountains
4.) inventory has to clean it up
5.) ...
6.) no profit (although we did make quite a bit of revenue that day)
x
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Darkred17
[M]osquito
Darkred17
[M]osquito
Joined: Nov 19, 2004

Mar 15, 2005 #208

stapler wrote:Any distance runners here will sympathize:
I cried for you, even before reading the story. :(
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L33T_h4x0r_d00d
[M]afia
Joined: Feb 28, 2005

Mar 15, 2005 #209

2 years ago I rented a room in a beach house in Dewey beach deleware. Dewey beach is a tiny area with shitty beachs. It does however have incredible clubs and nightlife. People go there to go party then go lay on the crappy beach the next day to recover from the previous night. The population is mostly made up of hot ass chicks and model looking guys.

So my beachhouse had 18 people staying in it. I was the other guy. For 8 weekends I was the only guy at the house and at any one time there were no less than 7 people staying there. There were 3 bathrooms in the house and as you might expect that was 19 bathrooms too few.

One afternoon after a few too many terriaki chicken wings I felt that familiar rumbling in my lower regions. I made a quick trip to the closest bathroom where I spent at least 45 minutes trying to give birth to a full size nfl football, with laces. This thing was huge. It was so big I had to take breaks in the middle.

So I finish and I flush. I standup and realize that this monster is not ready to leave this world since it is too big around to fit down the hole.

Right about now I get the "hey hurry up in there, you've been in there too long we need to shower too". So at this point I now have an audience outside waiting for me come out. I cant flush 15 more times without suffering the indignity of womens gossip.

So at this point I need something to sink this behemoth and I'm not going to use my finger. My eyes quickly dart around the sink scouring the toiletries for something sticklike to break this leviathon into toilet friendly sizes. What can I use?

A toothbrush.

I quickly snag a toothbrush off the counter and use the handle to stab my shit monster into the afterlife. It took about 2 minutes to break it up into pieces that I was confident would submit to the tiny hole. I can say that it was probably in the top 5 worst 2 minutes of my life, but probably not the worst. I have stories far worse than this.

So I flush the shit soup and it all goes down with a satisfying gurgle. Im quite satisfied with myself until I realize that I'm still holding someones shitty handled toothbrush. I contemplated washing it and putting it back but I decided that I was willing to spend the time to destink it enough to pass the pepsi challenge. So I wrapped it up in toilet paper and put it in the trash.

I got the fuck out of the bathroom and just in time. The ladies were all but ready to bust in. It wasnt 2 minutes before I heard "Hey, where's my toothbrush?"
Guns are awesome, if you disagree kill yourself with a knife. -POVRayMan
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PHiL!
[M]afia
PHiL!
[M]afia
Joined: Jul 08, 2002

Mar 15, 2005 #210

i was with the korean church youth group several years back on a trip through indiana to chicago to listen to some dweeb preach. anyhow, in indiana, we stop at another korean church for a few days so the kids can act cliqish and asian.

one evening i'm sitting in the chapel listening to a sermon and i feel an incredibly heavy cramp in my gut. it was the crappy fried rice from the night before. i just fucking know it.

so with this "gut feeling" in mind, i come to the conclusion that i have to take a shit. i can feel that this is a messy one. oddly enough, i sit there. the pastor is talking passionately about something... i'm too busy puckering my asshole to really care about what he's yammering on about. but i remain seated. i just sat there not wanting to look like an idiot by standing up in the middle of the supposedly mesmerising sermon to release the boiling torrent of shit from my ass. but i foolishly think he'll wrap it up pretty soon, so i decide to remain seated.

minutes pass. they feel like hours.

things are looking bleak, so i literally bow my head and pray to god to end the fucking sermon.

another couple minutes pass and i actually start to get angry. SWEET FUCKING CHRIST, HOW MUCH MORE CAN HE HAVE TO SAY!??!?!?!?

at this point, my faith is gone and i figure out that god ain't helping me with this one.

i scan the room for exits. i spy a door in the left corner of the room that would lead me DIRECTLY to the bathroom, but it's blocked off by the lady at the piano and it'd be a very conspicuous exit. in addition to making the piano lady mover her sweaty ass, i'd have to walk right in front of the pulpit. not what i was wanting. i gulp nervously and realize that the only other way to the bathroom would be through the door on my rear right, the direction opposite of what i wanted to head. and damn it if it wasn't the longest path to the only bathroom.

i shoot up like i sat on a pin and power walk to the door, my face locked in a grimace from focusing all my strength on clenching my buttcheeks together. as soon as the chapel doors swing shut behind me, i break out into a hot step down the hall with my hands squeezing my buttcheeks together. i head down the stairs to the basement and i'm in such a rush that i misplace my foot and nearly fall down them. i slip down 3 steps and i'm back on my feet, wondering how i didn't lose control of my ass.

i get into the basement that i have to cross to reach the stairs that will lead me to the bathroom. i catch one glimpse of the room and think, "you've gotta be fucking kidding me."

there are folding tables set up lengthwise that i have to weave through. at this point, the dookie is pushing up against my clenched rectum so hard that if i spread my legs more than a foot apart, i'll fucking lose it. so i waddle my way through the folding table obstacle course in the basement in about 40 seconds, which is amazing considering the size of the room and the length of my stride.

another set of stairs...

halfway up the steps, my walls start to crumble. my dam falls apart. the poop is coming out. all efforts from here on out are to slow the fucking poop down.

they aren't working so well.

i reach the bathroom and kick open the nearest stall. i carefully lower the pants and place my ass on the seat as a brown storm of stink rained down into the bowl. i look down at my underwear and survey the pasty heap of brown and breathe a sigh of relief because i was wearing briefs and they managed to keep the shit from soaking into the pants. after 3 minutes of constant shitting, i begin cleanup. i take off the pants and drop the briefs into the toilet, wipe my ass as best i can, replaced pants and locked the entire bathroom off. i then proceeded to wash my ass in the sink because i wouldn't be showering in couple days or so. it felt kind of nice going commando after that.
BLESSED BE!!

IT'S THE TWILIGHT ZONE FLIGHT OF RAMPAGE!
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